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Welp... I have strained things again... :( I did terrible things. I cheated - and was honest, the honesty is a first for my infidelities. I had relations with someone I SHOULD ABSOLUTELY NOT HAVE. I started a journal on my sexual misadventures. I realized I have an issue. So I looked up...

Am I able to get rid of this old thread? I'm pretty blog incompetent :P

I think I'll start a new blog. This one just is... dead? Maybe that's why I don't want to do it much anymore? I'm happier now so I think I want this

Okay polyamory.com I'm not sure if I'll continue this? maybe random blobs of things here and there. T and I are still getting along so well. I stay with him constantly. He's been staying with me too. He's asked me if I'd like to live with him. I would. We're planning on it. i'm so proud of...

So everything is going better. L and I still don't talk. My friends who were away at college are back, well two just left again. We've been hanging out. I haven't had much alone time. Which explains the long gaps and confusing posts. My sister also gave me a journal for Christmas. I've...

She offered some to us. Well I was writing it all. Then my fucking computer froze... so yeah. Well I'm kinda pissed and don't even want to write what I had already written... Anyways it was great. And then we came back to my step aunts and played a great game called The Game of Things...

Well Merry Christmas :D So I guess everything is pretty much summed up. I'm forgetting more each day. :( Which sucks. But I'm forgetting negatives. So I'm happy with it. Today was amazing. I stayed with T through the night. We woke up. He got me coffee in bed and I gave him presents...

I feel for you. I hope Christmas went well. I hope you post more on here. I'm wanting to know what your actions are. I feel not so alone knowing you have similar experiences. I pushed Blake out of our relationship. I told Tate they could be friends. Just friends. It is going well. I met his...

My sister stepped in.... which is a flipping annoyance. I bitched her out for it. Apologized to B. I guess that's when we started talking and becoming friends. T and I started saying we loved the other. Oh man. I had planned to write so much. But I'm so tired... I'll sleep then write...

B was very verbally harsh during this time. Being very pissed at me for continuing my things with T. I told her I was sorry. She left him though. Alone and hurt. She LEFT. They weren't technically together.... So she had no claims. She called me a whore. I was very frustrated and pissed...

So our relationship got very strained. We didn't talk a few weeks. These next few weeks were the most amazing ones I'd had in such a long time. T and I hung out constantly. We clicked so well. We discussed personal things. I spilled a lot of myself into him. We developed to the point where...

I knew at the time he had. I asked him about it. He made me feel so guilty for even thinking it. So I trusted him. I believed him. It happened 1 1/2 years ago. From the way they interacted and how he kept staring at her. I knew it, but after arguing for several hours, he convinced me he...

We had sex multiple times. That one day. I went to work. He made me so happy. I don't remember much. I think we kept hanging out that week. We kept having sex. L and I didn't talk. We had so much sex I got a uti. Sex with him was pure bliss. He's very gracious. L wasn't so much. Sex with L...

I'm okay :D Better actually... more has developed!!! I realize how jumbled everything is. 1. I work overnights and can only get the computer after I've worked an 8-9 shift so I'm tired. 2. So much has happened! 3. My mind races with a million things to say and I have slow hands :D

A few days later though is the time we first had sex... getting sleepy :( will write more some time later today

... It was so very sweet and innocent. I hadn't felt good like that in awhile. On the way back to my house a couple hours later he tried to hold my hand. I said I couldn't I had L. And he had a girlfriend/ex-girlfriend thingy. He wished he had me....continued just to finish it... We hit...

Two of my closest friends reached out yesterday after posting. I don't feel so alone. The advice is also making me feel better, not sure how much I can follow through. I decided a while, quite a while ago, that I was for certain going backpacking. I think I'll talk to mom and dad still for...

I, upon father's insistence, am going to talk to military recruiters tomorrow. He thinks it'd be good to show me options, such as being able to go abroad, teach me more discipline, finish my education. I'm not so sure this is what I'd want. I have been planning on going backpacking, but all...

It is helpful. I want to step away, need to. It's just hard. That sounds horrible. Is there anyone's story posted where they walked away from such a relationship? I'd love to read it and connect.

I want to reach out for help, but how do I? My parents just say this is adulthood. Adults don't feel this ever. I'm getting sick often. I don't want to eat.