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That's understandable. Most of us dislike upsetting others, and dislike conflict. Be brave, get it done. Be kind but firm, and say goodbye. Most likely you will feel much better afterwards, lighter, and more free. You can do this! :)

Hello David, Yes, this does sound difficult, and I'm sorry you are having these struggles. About feeling torn around compersion - there is the fabulous Multiamory podcast, with their latest episode around that very topic, where they speak with an expert (who has just come out with a...

Hello, and welcome! I live on Vancouver Island too :-)

Hello all, I'm back from our two week getaway to Costa Rica. What a gorgeous country, and what amazing people! So, a quick update: the phone calls from my meta to our shared partner Pisces didn't end up happening. She ended up saying she'd ask if she need a call, but didn't ask for one the...

Thanks Kevin! Yes, I'm feeling pretty positive and excited. Will let you all know how it goes! :-D

"it's going to be a whole thing when it occurs"? Can you see the future? ;-) If I've accepted that this is how things are to be, then why fuss? As I said, I came on to update, not to have everything analyzed and challenged. It was an update, that's all. Not feeling welcome now to update with...

Exactly. I know he will be focussed on the quality time with me there, and will pop off on occasion when it's our down time to call her. I'm totally cool with that. I will likely take that time, if chilling at the Air BNB, to message some of my family/friends, post some photos, etc. I have made...

Yup, and we are doing both, and it is what all of us has agreed to and are fine with. :)

Burdensome to let us know he is calling the other, to be polite and considerate? Not at all. It's polite and considerate. My time with him is private, it always has been, even when we all got along. That's how I do things. I prefer a more parallel style anyway.

Exactly - sneaking off to for a half hour walk every four days would totally raise my suspicions. This isn't a Dont' ask, don't tell. Phone calls with a partner while with the other partner is always communicated clearly, and we all agree with that arrangement. Their calls will likely be in...

Because I asked, since things are quite different from their trip last October. I wanted to know what she had been told because it's private for me, and because she had cut me out so completely that I didn't want her to know much (at this point). As he is keeping things parallel, he has kept the...

Hello all, An update on this thread from last fall. Sort of. It's my turn now to be travelling with my partner (hinge) Pisces. We are headed to Costa Rica next week for two weeks, and will be together in person for three weeks total (most of this month). The time difference is only about two...

Blue started therapy a couple of months ago, and is working through some childhood trauma, so is making headway with that, so I'm told. As to the relationship between her and her husband, I have only the bits of info that either she or Pisces has shared with me. From what I understand, their...

No, they don't. My partner has a pretty demanding position though, and their division had a huge upheaval last year.

Hey Seasoned, just to clarify, yes, I was married until late 2016, and monogamous until 2015 when we opened our marriage. I am not married now, no. As to Pisces, he had a 25 year relationship/marriage that was open for most of, so he was ENM, then poly for most of it, so is quite used to it...

All that has gone on in the past week or so, and looking at the patterns overall in the last year, and with all the great ideas everyone's posts here have suggested, I suspect it could be that my partner Pisces, the hinge, really struggles to have capacity for two relationships when one is often...

Yes, I think this is where I stand currently myself. As I don't know if I am truly poly, I approach things as you do here. Thank you for putting it in writing :)

Woah, I don't blame you for walking away from that situation. Sounds exhausting too!

I'm not too sure what those boundaries look like. I do need to know some information about his other relationship. Any ideas on boundaries that might help in situations like this? I am happy to consider anything at this point. A different take for sure - but you could be right on this. I'll...

Wow, this is such an interesting take - thank you!! I hadn't thought of it like this, but I totally agree with you.