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Hi Magdlyn, thank you for the advice. The last part of what you said stuck out to me, I think my love and support for John does enable him to stick it out with Ted, but it's become messy. Almost like he wants validation from me that he's doing the right thing. To me, it's like watching a friend...

Code names for ease: -Sally (me - female nesting partner/primary) -John (nesting partner/hinge) -Ted (John’s boyfriend) Hi everyone, I'm looking for some advice on how to handle some unsteady dynamics between my primary and metamour. I’m Sally (26 F) and John is my nesting partner of 5 years...

That is a great point and you're right. I was under the influence of drugs and alcohol and was not able to consent. I trust John too much and now I do feel like I was pushed into a situation I could not consent for and wasn't fully comfortable with. I do think I have a past of co-dependency and...

Thank you for that insight. You are right. If there is a next time, drugs and alcohol shouldn't be involved. I do feel like I was pressured into making a choice I wasn't fully comfortable with. I think I need to sit with that now. I don't want to sacrifice my personal boundaries or what I am...

Hi Kevin, thank you so much for your thoughts and support. It's reassuring to hear I can take my time, that foursomes are complicated, and that I have the power to decide what I'm comfortable with. I think I'm used to John taking the lead, and I trust him. BUT I also need to trust myself and...

Hi Bobbi! Yes I definitely think I try to out-reason my feelings haha. I need to feel my feelings like you said and maybe understand what the best outlet for them is. Thankfully I don't feel like my body is fight or flight I think I have an issue with overthinking and anxiety/depression. I'm...

Always so appreciative of your advice Galagirl!! I do think this was a bit of a messy misstep. It's good to know group sex isn't a requirement of poly. John and I briefly talked while Ted and Jane were over and I know consent conversations happened beforehand, but it wasn't fully discussed and...

This is VERY helpful and comforting. Thank you so much! I definitely agree and next time she's in town I'll advocate for a non-sexual evening if it happens and also to know nothing needs to happen again.

Hi Magdlyn, Thank you for the fast reply! It was an interesting situation, for content John and I started in our open relationship as "swingers" but rarely played with other couples or individuals. We had one threesome with another man and that was it. We've had threesomes with Ted now that...

-Sally (me - female nesting partner/primary) -John (nesting partner/hinge) -Ted (John’s boyfriend)

LONG POST WARNING TIA :) Code names for ease: -Sally (me - female nesting partner/primary) -John (nesting partner/hinge) -Ted (John’s boyfriend) -Jane (Ted's new casual female relationship) Relationship recap: - John and Sally are primary partners/John and Ted are partners - Ted and I are...

Hi, GG. Thank you for taking the time to chat with me a lot today. haha. sorry there are so many threads! Yes, this is a great idea. I want to be less enmeshed and explore interests or even dates outside of John. I think getting more active socially will also help me feel free to live my life...

1. You're right. I think I was worried about bringing up set days or a schedule because it felt restrictive. And sometimes schedules change, but all in all, if there were set days, it might be easier for everyone. I was getting used to them going out on dates/hanging out 2-3 times a week, but it...

1. Yes, I want to try to do this and let him bring up anything. It feels very wrong to me as I want to resolve things right away. 2. Yes, I think I can just live my life and see him cope. I wish I had done that earlier and known that is enough. 3. Thank you for helping clarify that I didn't...

That's a great example, I've dealt with that before with roommates in the past who have dates over and just make it a point to stay out of the way and entertain myself since it is a shared space. I will do that going forward and assume that Ted may stay over to make my plans and will not text...

1. I think we haven't gotten to the stage where I've been interested in anyone else, so he hasn't had to feel what I'm feeling about him and Ted, and he hasn't had to do the work. I feel a bit strange about pursuing another connection, because I don't want it to be out of spite, but it could be...

Haha Thank you for responding. I know it was a long post, I think I was also trying to get it all out to feel better. I do understand now that I don't have to tell him my reasonings of why I'm doing things-- I should just do them. I think that's worked better for him and avoids oversharing and...

Thank you, Magdlyn. I just responded to one of your answers in my previous thread and appreciate your insight. I think that what I was trying to get across to John, was my communicating how I feel when he and Ted are at the house and my boundaries (leaving the house early or making solo plans)...

This is extremely helpful. We have not been scheduling our own time, even though we live together. This leads to my jealousy when he makes scheduled time for Ted (because he has to and they don't live together) and feel less prioritized. Per your second paragraph, we had a whole blow-up...

Thank you for sharing this advice and experience. I agree that we need to talk about shared space and what feels okay with me. The past few times Ted has come over, he's always told me last minute, or only a few hours before, and I understand he is very busy with work sometimes and can't get...