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Hi. We've been together nearly 4 years. We've done some swinging together and she's had some dates here and there. But this is her 1st new proper relationship since we got together. Her MH was in a bad place when she met him. I think the feels are genuine, but also he came along at the perfect...

As much as I hate admitting it, this is 100% the case with my partner. She's really bad at being a hinge, because she fixates so much on a new partner that she forgets she already has one, and takes me for granted until things come to a head. Then the SH, guilt, fear of abandonment, etc., lead...

She doesn't have a counsellor at the moment. I don't know why she reached out to me, not a support line, maybe just comfort in knowing I can handle things? Thank you. I'll save the link. I know I can do it, as she had (still has) a long-distance partner when we met. But atm I'm definitely...

Yeah, fair enough. Berry and Apple are fine. I do think escapism is part of it, yes. She did turn to him for minor problems that arose, but the big trigger at night was something from her past that only a handful of people, including me, know about. Yeah, exactly. I know that for various...

She needs me to in times like this. She has a lot of sexual abuse in her past going all the way back to early childhood so her ptsd is very easily triggered when her bpd gets too much. Something as simple as my hand touching her hair, bare skin etc can set off panic attacks when things are as...

I'd have to start my life all over again and the last time I had to do that was 7 years ago when my marriage ended. I tried to kill myself several times during that rebuilding and don't think I'm strong enough to rebuild a 2nd time right now

It came up that they had when we were discussing things about us, and how she feels confidence-wise to be intimate. etc. So yeah, overcharging from B. Could be that, yeah. She only told him about having BPD a couple of weeks into her mental break (after the suicide attempt). Before, she'd just...

Yeah, it's shown me a lot of faults, behaviours, patterns, etc., caused by her BPD, and I've definitely changed some things about how I respond to her and things I won't put up with. Unfortunately, because of my own trauma around sex and emotional manipulation, it is very hard to not take...

That's what I'm trying to see it as. My head is telling me she's going to leave me for him. She doesn't want sex with me anymore etc but that's just ptsd stuff from my abusive marriage making it bad I think. Yeah she does tend to overshare as we usually talk about everything but i think i need...

Hi everyone, been a while since i updated so thought I'd drop in and do so and ask a question that's been nagging at me and I feel very shallow for thinking. The Polysecure and Eggshells books have been helpful to me in learning a bit more about myself and my needs, faults etc., so thank you...

Oh boy, where do I begin with the update... It turns out that her bpd does not handle NRE well. I've spent the last 3 days dealing with severe depression and suicide attempts. 😔 I'm scared to leave her alone. She hasn't seen new guy in a week as he's been away with work. She thinks he's home...

We had quite a lengthy talk this evening about everything and I think it helped her see how I'm feeling and helped me highlight my own areas that need self improvement

I've ordered a copy of stop walking on eggshells and also a copy of polysecure to try and help me better understand B and the trials and tribulations of her life. I am in a holding pattern atm, as I want to explore polyamory myself, as I have long felt I may be. Or at least I know I'm...

That sounds like a nightmare to have gone through Magdlyn, I'm sorry. I haven't heard of that one but I will track down a copy to read, thank you

I understand what you're saying, and I have had moments where I have been resolute I'm leaving. But most of the time it is under control and she is stable. When it's bad, it's really bad. But I don't think leaving is the solution, frankly. I don't just self harm because of her. I have my own...

Thank you. It doesn't feel it all the time, but nice to know. Yeah, it's a dangerous game withdrawing from someone with BPD, as that in itself can make things a lot worse. Same reason I can't be critical about new guy and the NRE, etc., as the reaction from her can be extreme, either as self...

I'm from the UK, so I know about crisis numbers, etc. Personally, when I've used them they haven't helped. I'm letting things cool at the moment and when she's in a better headspace I'll have a check in with her and do it then. I have the money to do that stuff if I need to, I am autistic and...

We haven't discussed an emergency plan. tbh, I have no idea how to bring that up without her interpreting it as me saying it won't last or something, and either upsetting her or pushing her away. Yes, she is definitely relying on me to handle the low, as always. It is causing mixed feelings, as...

Yes they did have sex while the teenagers were home. I don't known if the teenagers know it happened as I wasn't here so don't know how subtle they were etc.

Yeah unfortunately I think she is definitely spreading herself too thin. Obvs the polyamory is a real part of her, it was a thing before we were ever a thing, but it does feel like it's come to the fore more as life has gotten harder. Whether it's an escape, genuine desire to explore it more or...