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  1. Ricavaler

    South Africans?

    *Raises Hand*
  2. Ricavaler

    Would you, should you

    I have done in the past. He was married, she was very conservative. He lived a seperate life away from her. It ended badly, and in hindsight, I probaby wouldn't do it again.
  3. Ricavaler

    poly or swinging

    I think perhaps the example she uses is being taken too literally. As Poly, and a Swinger, I am very aware of the difference between them. And her example truely sums it up for me. Not because my children are the center point of my poly life though. It's merely an example. The way I...
  4. Ricavaler

    poly or swinging

    We're swingers, as well as poly... I do not kiss people I swing with. I only kiss those I am involved with in relationships. I totally get this :D Ok, so, as I said, we are swingers, and we are poly. For me, the two are quite separate. We (my husband and I) swing because we both enjoy sex, and...
  5. Ricavaler

    Greetings to my fellow service members

    LOL me too. There are a few LOL
  6. Ricavaler

    Guidelines & Boundaries vs. Rules: Merged Threads, General Discussion

    We have always conducted our relationship very freely. We have only one 'rule', which applies to poly, open marriage, swinging all. "Do what/who ever you want, just tell me" If either of us meets someone and has a spontaneous fling, telling the other after the fact is also acceptable.
  7. Ricavaler

    Why and how did you get into poly?

    For me, it just seemed natural. It wasn't spurred on by any media I had read/seen. Just all my life, even though I was raised very conservatively, in the back of my mind I couldn't make sense of monogamy.
  8. Ricavaler

    Personal Summaries

    My story is pretty simple right now LOL. I am 31, have been married for 8 years, and live in South Africa. We have had 'different' (we were both raised ultra-vanilla) ideas on love and sex to most in our circle right from the start. We started swinging right after getting married, and at the...
  9. Ricavaler

    Polyamory activism

    I think the secrecy issue has more to do with the individuals involved than with the poly society on the whole. We as a couple are of the opinion that if people do not accept us as we are, they are not worthy to be part of our lives. We are open, if they don't like it, they know where to find...
  10. Ricavaler

    Polyamory activism

    You don't need to have a label for it to live it. My hubby and I have lived the poly lifestyle for 8 years, but only recently stumbled upon the term "polyamory". Knowing the name hasn't changed anything about how we live our lives. For us, we are open about our lifestyle to anyone who asks. And...
  11. Ricavaler

    Soul Mate(s)

    I do believe in soul mates. I believe we have more than one soul mate. And I believe they can be anyone, not strictly sexual/intimate connections.
  12. Ricavaler

    Sexual Ethics

    I am very liberal and non-judgemtal when it comes to things of a sexual nature. Basically, if everyone is and adult, and consenting then more power to them, no matter the activity.
  13. Ricavaler

    Sex!

    Noise... we have small children, having quiet sex is the norm :)
  14. Ricavaler

    Polyamory and asexuality

    This is something that's been on my mind for a little too. I think if the connection to the other person is good, even without a physical aspect, a relationship could work.
  15. Ricavaler

    Sex!

    Currently, it's just the two of us, but I'll answer on our most recent V 1. Does anyone prefer certain things with certain partners? Yes. Everyone has their strengths in the bedroom. My husband is not a kissy-cuddly sort of guy, my OSO was very much so. He and I could spend ages just cuddling...
  16. Ricavaler

    Infidelity gives rise to Polyamory?

    That is my thinking too. We got married (so I guess that's exclusive LOL) but we did so knowing that each of us was free too pursue whoever grabbed our interest.
  17. Ricavaler

    New here! :)

    Welcome!
  18. Ricavaler

    Music!

    I love music, all types! But I am sadly un-talented when it comes to playing instruments or even singing :)
  19. Ricavaler

    Tats & Piercings?

    FoxFlame, that is a touching tribute! I have one butterfly tattoo on my right shoulder blade... Hopin to get a few more eventually. My body seems to reject piercings :( so all mine have closed... I had a navel and an unmentionable piercing LOL
  20. Ricavaler

    Infidelity gives rise to Polyamory?

    It seems to me that many couples that come to be Poly start out as a result of infidelity or one partner's having met someone they wish to pursue a relationship with, but want to do so 'without guilt'. Is this the norm? I struggle to imagine how well a poly 'primary' relationship can stand up...
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