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MzWiz it sounds like he is depressed. That can be very difficult for the depressed person to motivate themselves to try find a way out and to seek help for themselves. For myself I found that anything resembling an ultimatum or criticism made me feel unloved and unaccepted, I was very...

I'm learning that if you want to truly be happy you have to be with people who will accept you for who you are. Now that I know I am officially poly, any guy I date has to know and accept that this is what I am, and that I will not change in a relationship. You seem to be dating people who won't...

LOL Twilight XD All of the agony and drama could be totally removed! Except for the plot twist re Jacob in Breaking Dawn. LOL this is awesome! Recently I've been thinking this way too. How many movies would be so much better with poly endings? Why don't film- makers make more poly movies? You...

I can really relate on the "bad experiences with monogamy" part. At that point, being in a poly relationship really gave me strength and a greater realisation of who I was, because of the amazing people I was with. There is nothing wrong with being poly just because you feel like you can't...

Aha! Solo- poly! That is what I am! Thank you everyone for the links and feedback, this has all been very useful to me! I no longer feel like a noob. I can't say just how relieved I am to finally have some clarity and to have found this clarity. I was really starting to feel lost! Nycidie...

I agree with your POV. I don't think love should have to be "proven" through demonstrations of trust and allowing someone else to control or limit you. Love is not demanding like that. (Bear in mind, anyone reading this, that I am referring specifically to the veto as defined "allowing someone...

Thanks for your reply, Will. I admit when I posted it that I didn't check the year posted, however I do think that sometimes it can still add clarity when someone posts even a while after the event (in answer to your question, Nycidie). One never knows if the person's issue ever got resolved, if...

Haha! I should really check these last posted dates... Thanks :)

Do you really want to be with her? Or are you staying because you feel she needs you and you kind of feel nostalgia/guilt/ a need to fix things and have them be as they should? Does being with her (and the anxiety and problems that brings) make you really happy or do you reckon you could be...

Thanks, am checking it out now :)

Thanks guys, all this feedback is really awesome! UltraViolet (cool name :) Yeah, I like that structure: honesty without feeling controlled by one's partner is definitely where I want to go. I will be glad to take you up on that offer, will probably send you a PM soon, thanks! GalaGirl, any...

Nycindie, thanks for all the links and info:). This is great! I was so lost on the forums before I started messaging you guys. As Hannah said, what I meant was with my current relationship could become a primary relationship WITHOUT vetos (sorry, that sentence was a bit ambiguous ), just by...

Some really awesome info here! Thanks guys! Autumn, I find it interesting that you are in a primary relationship which does not incorporate "vetos". I think this is what my current relationship could turn into. Forgive me, I know I do sound naive, but as I've said, I haven't had any guidelines...

Hey YouAreHere, I guess the reason I fear the "veto" is because I'm afraid of it being abused. I have recently gotten out of a relationship during which I simultaneously realised I am definitely poly and that I really do love two guys. I realised I really love this guy so much and my mono ex...

Any chance you could set her up with someone else too? That could be interesting :) Especially as you're not the jealous type, you could encourage her to go for it... Maybe she wll start to get it. IMO a lot more people are poly than realise it. For me it activated once I realised it was an...

DO all of your other friends dislike him? This guy may be trouble... I've been in the situation before (not with relationships but with incredibly close friendships) where nobody seemed to like my two closest friends and they turned out to be emotionally manipulating and abusing me and I didn't...

Hey, thanks for your reply. :) I guess I should have defined it more specifically: At this stage living with is not the issue for me, I am pretty relaxed regarding that :) What I meant was I have noticed that in a relationship which has "primary" and "secondary" partners a lot of people seem to...

Hi, basically I am new to this forum and polyamory and I am wondering if there is anyone I can talk to about non-hierarchical relationships? In a nutshell: No primary partner, no "vetos" allowed from any of my partners: none of my partners may dictate WHO I may date. My one dealbreaker for a...

Look, you're talking to polyamorists, an indication of the fact that defining a prescribed social "norm" does not work for everyone. You sound happy with the arrangements. What you should really be doing is not asking us whether it is normal, but asking yourself whether you feel happy and...

Think about what YOU want. This is especially important to realise as a poly person, not to be pushed around or controlled by one person, and particularly someone who doesn't have your best interests at heart. Your feelings do not control you. Sometimes you DO have to break up with someone who...