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  1. T

    Married for a long time, starting to be poly

    There is no pressure, at this point we just want to meet and see what happens.
  2. T

    Married for a long time, starting to be poly

    Yes, you could be right. We have both considered the option of stopping many times, and it's very difficult for us to do so. I agree the odds are long, but I think the best path forward is to see what happens. And I'm further not sure that she is not willing to explore options optimistically...
  3. T

    Married for a long time, starting to be poly

    Good idea, I will suggest that.
  4. T

    Married for a long time, starting to be poly

    Your questions are useful and relevant. I have had (negative) experiences with long distance relationships before and never intended to have one again. We met at some online place and I was not looking for a relationship at all (I did not even acknowledge that I was poly at that time -- I...
  5. T

    New to the board, looking for community

    Nice. The reason I'm so interested in a quad is that it's sort of a distance fantasy for me about how things can progress. The missing person would be my lover's partner (who does not exist beyond me, 3000 miles away). I just love the idea of people being loving and open and honest in that...
  6. T

    Who am I?

    Yes, and I think it's also worth talking with him a lot about your feelings of being left out and how he can help with that, and how much of that might be due to your insecurities that you can somehow eventually come to peace with.
  7. T

    New to the board, looking for community

    I love that you (the members of the quad) are (nearly) all here. :)
  8. T

    Who am I?

    Just keep talking a lot to your husband about everything and I think that new possibilities will make themselves known. What's wrong with you each having a separate girlfriend?
  9. T

    New to the board, looking for community

    Welcome, I'm new as well, and I actually really like the idea of a quad, it seems so balanced. I look forward to seeing more of your posts about how things go with your friend.
  10. T

    Married for a long time, starting to be poly

    I have extensively discussed polyamory with both my wife and lover. It's very clear I'm poly (I have some very very small idea of what it must feel like for a gay peson to come out) and I think both people accept that. I believe strongly that my wife will work with me so that I can have other...
  11. T

    new, exploratory, dealing with jealousy and the whole nine yards

    Have a look at The Ethical Slut (I also imagine there is a lot of content on this site about it as well), it has a good section on jealousy. Jealousy can mean many things, so it's very important to talk about it and explore this with your partner and see what's really bothering you, and perhaps...
  12. T

    Married for a long time, starting to be poly

    Yes, I just spoke with my wife about the idea of meeting. It turns out that my lover will be in town next week, but we will probably not meet as we want to be able to have privacy and take our time for the first meeting. But I had the crazy idea that maybe she and I and my wife could have lunch...
  13. T

    Married for a long time, starting to be poly

    I have been giving her more attention, part of the problem is the uncertainty on the part of my lover which is hard for me, and of course I get depressed and this is hard for my wife to watch. I would like them to become friends, but it seems difficult for that to happen. It's likely we will...
  14. T

    Married for a long time, starting to be poly

    Thank you so much for this, I have been very open with my wife about everything and every step of the way. I feel a lot of love for her as I do for my lover. And I think that part of the issue is that she does not feel like she's good enough, which is something I really want to try and help her...
  15. T

    Can a mono/poly relationship work?

    I have no good advice for you as I have a (sort of) similar problem. I have been involved long distance with someone who is just going through a divorce, but has fallen for me pretty hard (as I have fallen for her). I'm married and my wife is aware of everything and is starting to be supportive...
  16. T

    Married for a long time, starting to be poly

    I have been with my wife for 14 years. This is my third marriage (I'm 51) and I have struggled with monogamy for all of my life. I have cheated at times, but never had any sort of long term affair. I would always feel terribly guilty about cheating. I have spent years in 12-step programs to try...
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