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And it definitely does not help that when John came home and I told him how upset and angry I feel right now so that he would know where my head is at, that his first reaction was to defend Sarah. Without even seeing the text conversation. Because it doesn't seem to matter that her feelings of...

Oh my god, BoringGuy, you actually brought me to tears. :-( I wish she could not just say, but really believe those things.

Yes, it really does. Either she doesn't realize or she doesn't care how much harm she is adding to my life. All she can focus on right now is what the break means to her. Later she texted me that she didn't know the Nov 4th day was ever really official, so there was nothing for her to back...

Update John has texted me this afternoon that I'm his top priority. He says that it's been so hard for him to say that because he thought I'd just turn around and tell him to break up with Sarah, even though I've told him that woulnd't be the case. He says he's still not comfortable telling...

Thank you, guys, for your advice. I'm taking it all in and trying to breathe. John seems to be in the dark on how close we really are to the end of our marriage. He doesn't realize that my primary-ship isn't something I can bend on. I'll have to find a way to get through to the day he knows...

I am so devastated. It's been days, and he still can't decide if our marriage is his top priority. He says I'm being impatient and that I should wait for the break to happen on Nov 4th and for us to just take it from there. Maybe he's right. What do you think? I think the break needs to...

Thanks for your feedback, guys. When I came home last night, John told me he thought about it and agreed that a break should happen, but he didn't know when. I said - how about November 4th. But this can't just be a break from sexting and alone time, it needs to be a break from all...

New development. So last night Sarah had a rough night, feeling like a stranger in her own home as Mike continues to not talk to her much, and she called John. They talked for an hour or so. Phone calls are totally cool, but afterwards while texting with Sarah I told her that both John and I...

Oh! When you guys mentioned a blog post I at first didn't know what you meant. I thought you were saying something like - tell your story to livejournal. I didn't realize that was a whole category here on the Forum. If you guys think this definitely fits better there, I'll ask the moderators...

I'm pretty sure I mentioned in another post that John and Sarah are talking about taking a break after November 4th. I have talked to them about a lot of the things on this thread, but results make not percolate at Internet forum thread speed. Lol

I think that's because people have helped me, especially GalaGirl. When I started I felt incredibly alone, because I was. The two people in the world I'm closest to are John and Sarah, so I had no one outside the situation to talk to, and I was incredibly upset, and feeling hopeless. Now I...

Actually, I've never said that. I've said that full out polyamory, where all relationships are independent and equal and sexually active is absolutely not an option. But I have not said that strict monogamy, with no other loves or relationships, is an absolute need. Of course it's a want (we...

I'm not sure that I'd agree with that characterization. The first aspect is that I don't have to choose between monogamy and polyamory. Because as I've said before, polyamory (as in a fully realized sexual relationship) isn't even on the table. It's not option B, it's simply not an option...

Well, if it helps, John said that my telling of the story sounded very fair and accurate to him. So to some extent you can assume you've had his side of the story. Lol! You have no idea how funny that sounds to me. No, I'm not a bleeding heart or a martyr. What I do have is a combination...

I want to take a moment to mention - this has all be extremely difficult on both John and Sarah. I say this not only because it's true, but because as you all give me your advice and insight I want you to keep it in mind that these are good people, just like you and me, who never set out to...

See, that's the thing. It's hard to say. I can tell you a list of physical acts that are considered okay. I can tell you hypotheticals, like they can have date nights. But I can't tell you they will have a date every Tuesday night because our schedules are based on many things. And at the...

Well, yes and no. Our fights lately have overwhelmingly been about one thing - my needs. At first the specific exclusive act in question was John not being able to kiss Sarah hello and goodbye, because that's our greeting. (Remember that at some point I had still been open to the idea of John...

The thing is - he WILL feel loss if he loses his romantic relationship with Sarah. So if they have to break things off entirely, and just be friends, I don't think it's emotional blackmail or even unrealistic to foresee that he will resent me for it if I am the cause of that loss. As far as if...

I'll ask them and see if they're willing to join the thread.

That's exactly where my thoughts are going, BoringGuy. :-/ I've expressed my feelings to John, and he says I'm being pessimistic. I think I'm just being realistic. I don't see a way out of this that isn't horrible.