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An update. Thanks for your reply. I have been thinking about this a lot, of course. I'm not in love with her. It's more like lust. Lust like I have never felt before. I hate to say it but it's a bit of an obsession too. She feeds my neediness and co-dependency like no one else. I feel so...

Need some advice with new developments I'm a bit fuzzy today-- didn't get much sleep last night. Some news came out yesterday that I have to deal with, should this friendship go forward. I'm trying to be as rational as possible, so please bear with me. I'm also beginning to think this might...

Thanks for your reply. Your final line, about being open to all the wonderful people of the world, really resonates with me. It's a thought I had in the back of my mind, but it's always good to hear those things from someone else.

Update for anyone interested. This past Sunday I returned from spending 9 days with my friend. It was the absolutely most amazing time. Truly amazing. We hit it off from the second we embraced for the first time. The sex was absolutely mind-blowing. Doing the tourist bit was fun. We were pretty...

When I look at what I wrote yesterday I'm completely disappointed in myself. I know I can be a better person than that. Everything nycindie said is very true. I have a lot of work to do on myself.

Hi and thank you! Actually, I do have plans for after the visit. I have since the beginning. I travel a lot, so I have a 10-day road trip planned for when I come back. I do have a great support group around me. I know I'm a fatalist at times, but I do hope I have a great time and I can come...

Thank you for your reply. Yesterday was a really tough day, and as you can see, that's who I become on days like that. No, I don't enjoy any of that, nor do I do it on purpose. I'm a very rational person. When I'm calm I see just how dumb I act, but when I get emotional I get like that. I'm...

How do you ever get to the "good" place? Does anyone ever with these situations? I've read so many entries on this site. I want to be that person. I want to be the person that understands my friend's need to talk to all these people. The jealousy on my part is too much. Every time we...

Thanks for your advice. I won't lie, I want my cake and eat it too. We have both canceled previous plans, one each. IfI cancel this trip I think this might be it for us. Whatever "us" is. Of course, none of the previous two plans got this far, buying of planet tickets, hotels, etc. I also...

I understand this. I guess it's at times like these when my insecurities become the worst. I took it pretty bad... But yes, late in the evening she reappeared, it was like nothing had happened, and we communicated for a few hours.

Thank you for your response. I agree with you. I would never drop it without saying anything. Never. I would hate it if someone did that to me. The communication is there. The problem is that I feel that I'm constantly competing for her attention, especially from her "ex." He's moved away...

I don't know how I got myself into this, but I can't do it. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

Thanks for the input. She and I continue to talk. I continue to work on myself. It's funny, she is very aware of my trust issues and quite understanding. She knows that I have not given my trust to her fully. She mentions how she'll know when I give it fully to her and she'll be super happy...

We get along so well and talk endlessly on the phone, it never really occurred to me about it being such a long time together. We'll see how that goes. As for the jealousy, well, it's a little bit the lover part, but it worries me a whole lot less than being replaced as a friend. I have...

Thanks for your advice. I understand what you are saying. There is sort of a "quasi-escape clause." We are meeting in a big city and then going elsewhere after a few days. She's mentioned that I don't have to join her for the second part if I don't want to, and I can go elsewhere by myself...

I'm glad I found this place! I'll try to be as concise as possible. Quick background fact-- I'm recently divorced, but my divorce had nothing to do with polyamory. It was just one of those things that didn't work out. Wife left June 2011 and the divorce became final April 2012. I mention...