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I'm pretty certain that is part of the problem. Between being a young widow, trying not to let that destroy me, and then being immensely private about my abuse for years, until my life was threatened, and I felt I needed to find solace in a friend, I am almost trained to swallow my feelings, so...

It is more than okay. I didn't post here just to be told how right I was on everything. I appreciate all views. They help me focus. I am mostly a very together person that doesn't outwardly show distress. It makes me feel weak.

He never showed me anything. I saw messages that obviously I should not have seen, but beyond them just saying "love" caused me to wonder if I was being played. Given my (recent) history, it did send me for a spin. It is fair to say it triggered me. But my emotional safety is as important as his...

Well, that is sort of the right summing up. I think in what I originally posted, I was trying to convey that I felt somewhat to blame for having a freak out. However, it is not the case that he only lied about the flights. He lied. when directly asked several times, about the nature of his...

I'd like to say that you aren't right, but I know that you are. I did struggle a lot at first, but I guess the deeper in I got, the easier it was to not listen to that part of my brain. I never thought it was her fault, more as a case, at least in how he presented it, of people who weren't...

I thank everybody for their responses . I have been doing a lot of reflection on them. I don't want to give up on him, but I understand that it may be something I have to do to protect myself. Last night, I forced a conversation about the lying. It is difficult for me, probably because of the...

This was an interesting one for me to read, because I think most people who know me think I have pretty great impulse control and would never at all question my ability to stick to my beliefs. However, I think there some aspects of what you have said that are applicable, if I look in the...

It means I would break up with him. I do not want to lose him, but that would be what I would have to do for my own mental health, if nothing else.

Yes, I got involved with him when he was being unfaithful. It is not something I am proud of at all. He is only the second man in my life that I have had any involvement with who was cheating on anybody. The first was when I was much younger, and he broke my heart. I did not intend to start a...

The problem is that now my trust is really dented. I am trying very hard not to be the type of person that goes back and reads the whole of their conversations to make sure I am not being played in any way. It is really hard not to shake the feeling that I have a right to know. I mean, maybe if...

On the other hand, I escaped an abusive married nearly two years ago and there are some things I can't fully let go. So, I woke him up. I will admit to having given him some BS reason. I said that I had a dream and it upset me. (I do have a lot of nightmares that tend to point to truths.) I...

He returned from his weekend break with her and he saw that I was not in his face freaking out about it. He started to relax a bit and be more like the man I deeply love. But he did drop in that he is still dealing with that talk we had (at that stage, now nearly a month ago) and he still had to...

I told him I would be okay with him going to see her, but asked him to do it fairly quickly so that it wasn't something just hanging over us. Well, about week after our talk/fight, he had to go to Texas for a family wedding. So, I was there in our apartment really thinking he was weighing up if...

When I got home from work, I tried not to look to pissed off about it, but at night he brought it up again. I snapped. I told him that for right now I really would prefer a period of monogamy for a little bit, as we got used to being a proper couple. Well, that lit a match I really didn't...

The first few weeks everything is heaven. Then, I started to get a niggling feeling about him and this girl. There was just something that wasn't sitting right with me. He was being too "This has to happen." We had just moved in together. after so many months of trying to get to that place...

Then, in July, when we went to a party, he saw this woman and he was blown away by her beauty-- instant lust. I could tell. I told him to go talk to her, but that if he decided he wanted to do something that night, then he should assume that I may find somebody for the night too. He went off and...

I am new to Los Angeles and it has become clear to me that I need a therapist. However, I really want one that at the very least understands poly. I don't want to be letting somebody into my head and having them not understand why I don't just leave him because he has feelings for somebody else...

I am living with this situation in my head and have no one around me that can understand on a 'poly' level. So I am hoping that I can have a bit of a sounding board here. I apologize that this will be super long, but I have to get it out of my head somehow. What I am really looking to do is to...