Okay, that is my situation. I am a 28 year old girl. The first time I wrote here was a year ago when I started seeing my now second partner. It's pretty official I have two boyfriends now, which each have sporadic sexual relations with other people, but not very often right now.
I've been with my first BF for 5 years, and I've always understood his not-so-high libido and sexual urge compared to me, even though before I started dating my second BF I was a bit demanding on my first BF, but then I became not demanding with him.
Problem is, now my second boyfriend has a moment in which he doesn't feel he wants to have sex with me like before. I have to say we did have sex very often and with a lot of intensity during the year we've been together. Less in the last months, I guess, but in the beginning it was quite crazy.
Our relationship was very sexual, because in the beginning, the idea was we were just lovers for sex, but in the end we felt in love and ended up caring for and loving each other deeply.
Now I can't imagine having two relationships in which I don't get much sex at all, and having to look somewhere else for it. I'll end up with no time for myself, maybe stressed out about having two boyfriends who are bored of sex with me.
I am pretty accepting of some biological facts, but I also believe all this has to do with me being for them this person that is embedded in their routines. The three of us are super busy.
With my first boyfriend we have this relationship in which we help each other out a lot in our lives. It's more me helping him sort out stuff, but anyway, we see each other a lot for lot for mundane quotidian stuff, 3-4 times a week, sometimes more.
With my second boyfriend, we nearly always see each other between the small time he has from studying or working to sleeping, like 2 times a week lately, sometimes 3. Always in each others houses. He says he will not be able to help the fact he has no more time than that. He says he really likes our relationship, he somehow likes me embedded in his routine, to see me often and tell each others our life, problems, etc. He says it's like I'm a part of him, which is nice, but to me, it also means I've become so familiar to him that I'm not very stimulating anymore...
When I recently questioned him, after having this feeling that it was mostly me starting the action during the last times, and having finally a nice trip out from the city and nothing sexual happening, he said he hates the situation but he doesn't feel like having sex with me like before; that he can't help it, or doesn't know why or what to do. He'd love it to be different, that he wants to do something about it, but doesn't know what.
At the same time, he tells me he would still like to be with me without the sex, but I'm not sure how I would feel about that!
He understands this is so crap for me, but he really doesn't want what we have to end. But we concluded that we will try to find a way.
This is all really hard for me, coz I see it as a change that is not positive. It makes me realise as well that I conformed myself with my first boyfriend to not have much sex already, but because I justified he always had a low sex drive. But with my second boyfriend, well, I really don't know how it can be to see him, and not have sex, and not feel strange in the long term.
I don't know what to do.
He doesn't know if this is a permanent thing or if it's just now, if it is just about his libido, or a me and him sexual thing, the usual, so familiar that it gets boring.
I mean, is there anything I can do, or should I just accept this situation?
He talks about unknowing each other and knowing each other again as an idea, but he doesn't have a clue how that works. He knows he wants us to be together. I know that too.
Maybe this thing requires to be apart from each other for a while.
We do talk about trios sometimes, but we haven't known anyone interested yet or looked extensively.
Okay, well, I can't wait to hear what you think.
I've been with my first BF for 5 years, and I've always understood his not-so-high libido and sexual urge compared to me, even though before I started dating my second BF I was a bit demanding on my first BF, but then I became not demanding with him.
Problem is, now my second boyfriend has a moment in which he doesn't feel he wants to have sex with me like before. I have to say we did have sex very often and with a lot of intensity during the year we've been together. Less in the last months, I guess, but in the beginning it was quite crazy.
Our relationship was very sexual, because in the beginning, the idea was we were just lovers for sex, but in the end we felt in love and ended up caring for and loving each other deeply.
Now I can't imagine having two relationships in which I don't get much sex at all, and having to look somewhere else for it. I'll end up with no time for myself, maybe stressed out about having two boyfriends who are bored of sex with me.
I am pretty accepting of some biological facts, but I also believe all this has to do with me being for them this person that is embedded in their routines. The three of us are super busy.
With my first boyfriend we have this relationship in which we help each other out a lot in our lives. It's more me helping him sort out stuff, but anyway, we see each other a lot for lot for mundane quotidian stuff, 3-4 times a week, sometimes more.
With my second boyfriend, we nearly always see each other between the small time he has from studying or working to sleeping, like 2 times a week lately, sometimes 3. Always in each others houses. He says he will not be able to help the fact he has no more time than that. He says he really likes our relationship, he somehow likes me embedded in his routine, to see me often and tell each others our life, problems, etc. He says it's like I'm a part of him, which is nice, but to me, it also means I've become so familiar to him that I'm not very stimulating anymore...
When I recently questioned him, after having this feeling that it was mostly me starting the action during the last times, and having finally a nice trip out from the city and nothing sexual happening, he said he hates the situation but he doesn't feel like having sex with me like before; that he can't help it, or doesn't know why or what to do. He'd love it to be different, that he wants to do something about it, but doesn't know what.
At the same time, he tells me he would still like to be with me without the sex, but I'm not sure how I would feel about that!
He understands this is so crap for me, but he really doesn't want what we have to end. But we concluded that we will try to find a way.
This is all really hard for me, coz I see it as a change that is not positive. It makes me realise as well that I conformed myself with my first boyfriend to not have much sex already, but because I justified he always had a low sex drive. But with my second boyfriend, well, I really don't know how it can be to see him, and not have sex, and not feel strange in the long term.
I don't know what to do.
He doesn't know if this is a permanent thing or if it's just now, if it is just about his libido, or a me and him sexual thing, the usual, so familiar that it gets boring.
I mean, is there anything I can do, or should I just accept this situation?
He talks about unknowing each other and knowing each other again as an idea, but he doesn't have a clue how that works. He knows he wants us to be together. I know that too.
Maybe this thing requires to be apart from each other for a while.
We do talk about trios sometimes, but we haven't known anyone interested yet or looked extensively.
Okay, well, I can't wait to hear what you think.
Last edited:
