I am new to the servers and found this server while searching for help with a current issue I'm experiencing. I've been in a poly relationship for 2.5 years. I have one partner. My partner is married. My partner's wife and I are best friends, but not sexually or romantically involved. She has two other men besides my partner, whom I am friends only with, which brings my family count up to five. She has always been bisexual, and recently announced she would like to discuss opening the family to a new female for her. I was supportive until she said that this partner would need to be open to being sexually active with all of her partners, as well.
Here is where my problem lies. I became terrified at the idea of sharing my partner. But I already do! This created such emotional duress in me that I ended up in a panic attack, (which i'm prone to, especially since I usually do not open my mouth, but poly has actually helped me battle this, with open communication, support, etc.) and made me really start questioning just how poly I am. This was my first experience with poly and so far it's been wonderful. Of course, I still feel some bouts of insecurity and jealousy. But considering the friendship I have with my partner's SO, and considering how little time they actually end up spending together, I am usually excited for them when they spend time together.
I've been told by everyone involved that i will be part of the process, that only a person that completely fits into our family dynamic will hit the door, and even then, there will be tons of time to adjust. But this fear will not let up. I finally talked to my partner and told him i had to shelve this discussion for a while. I also told him I wasn't sure if i could ever share him with someone else. I also said I know how stupidly unfair that is of me, given that we live this lifestyle, and told him i would understand if this was a deal breaker.
He has told me we're going to shelve this, and that he didn't want to end this relationship. He also said if this was a deal breaker for me he'd rather be with the two of us and be done, tho he did think i was being short-sighted, and that his partner was asking for something that we could potentially never find.
But still, for me, it illuminated the issue of not wanting to share him further. I did say, however, that if someone amazing ended up entering who fit all dynamics and who he felt he could fall in love with, I would definitely reopen the discussion.
But I can't help feeling like a fraud. Am I monogamous? Or are these deep-rooted issues coming to the surface?
I can say right now that my biggest fear is less time spent. I also fear that by allowing this to go on, I've compromised myself somehow, and am "less" because of it. This thought kills me. Please give advice and insight.
Here is where my problem lies. I became terrified at the idea of sharing my partner. But I already do! This created such emotional duress in me that I ended up in a panic attack, (which i'm prone to, especially since I usually do not open my mouth, but poly has actually helped me battle this, with open communication, support, etc.) and made me really start questioning just how poly I am. This was my first experience with poly and so far it's been wonderful. Of course, I still feel some bouts of insecurity and jealousy. But considering the friendship I have with my partner's SO, and considering how little time they actually end up spending together, I am usually excited for them when they spend time together.
I've been told by everyone involved that i will be part of the process, that only a person that completely fits into our family dynamic will hit the door, and even then, there will be tons of time to adjust. But this fear will not let up. I finally talked to my partner and told him i had to shelve this discussion for a while. I also told him I wasn't sure if i could ever share him with someone else. I also said I know how stupidly unfair that is of me, given that we live this lifestyle, and told him i would understand if this was a deal breaker.
He has told me we're going to shelve this, and that he didn't want to end this relationship. He also said if this was a deal breaker for me he'd rather be with the two of us and be done, tho he did think i was being short-sighted, and that his partner was asking for something that we could potentially never find.
But still, for me, it illuminated the issue of not wanting to share him further. I did say, however, that if someone amazing ended up entering who fit all dynamics and who he felt he could fall in love with, I would definitely reopen the discussion.
But I can't help feeling like a fraud. Am I monogamous? Or are these deep-rooted issues coming to the surface?
I can say right now that my biggest fear is less time spent. I also fear that by allowing this to go on, I've compromised myself somehow, and am "less" because of it. This thought kills me. Please give advice and insight.
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