ClosetPoly
New member
Hello!
This is a weird thing for me to do, but then again, so is life these days. I am a hypersensitive mono, almost 36, who has been (is in!) an extremely good and safe relationship with my partner (Vanilla) for about 13 years. We have no kids, and no interest in having any. She started talking about feeling different 3-4 years ago, but I didn't think more of it. Then one of my best friends (Jake), whom I ironically lost contact with then meeting Vanilla, got back into my life. He and she clicked instantly and grew to become very good friends, both being carved from the same tree. They have steadily gotten closer.
A few weeks ago, Vanilla broke down and told me she loved him, and would like a relationship with him. He is a truly good friend of mine, and I love him dearly. I have decided to accept (I'm not fooling myself by saying I have already accepted) that she is truly poly and can love two people just as much and intensely. I have been jumping between accepting and flailingly scared, but we decided, mutually, to try this, yesterday.
Yesterday, he became her secondary. We have agreed on a boundary of loving touching, but no kissing yet. I have read many forum posts warning about boundaries, but we all agree on them. They are both ecstatic about being able to touch each other in front of me, and I like it. I feel the warmth and energy, and I trust both of them 100% to not abuse the trust we have, and my heart.
Vanilla already loves me multitudes more than before. I can feel Jake and me growing closer. We can all see great things in our future.
And then the pain comes, and the hurt, and I feel scared. I have started writing down my feelings and emotions. I always have my notebook, practically my diary now, by my side. I cannot overstate the importance this has already had for us. I used to rant and flail to Vanilla (who has shown the most amazing patience and trust in this), and it wore her out. I wasted her fantastic love in a way I didn't know I could do. Now, I can sort out my feelings, find what I need and then go to her. Usually it's just a cuddle.
I am blessed with a fantastic partner who, when realising she was poly, had no interest in an open relationship. She doesn't want ANOTHER partner, she wants more in life, and I really think we have a fantastic possibility of being a full triad at some point.
I see so many posts on forums from people with worse starts, and I am truly sorry for that. I already feel the terror and pain, and I have an extremely open and loving partner. I truly hope this will work out. Day 1 of our new relationship was a grand success. I walked the dog while they prepared dinner, and I have never felt so truly free as when I strolled along, knowing I didn't have to rush home, to sort out time schedule for preparing dinner, etc., etc.
And then the pain returns... the fear of losing her, of not being able to handle this. I know this is normal, but I would really like to get in touch with others in a similar situation and talk about this, share techniques for dealing and coping, and making this fantastic opportunity work. I think I am more of a closet poly than I realise, but I am also hypersensitive when it comes to my partner.
Anyway, that was probably way too much info for this specific group, introduction.
This is a weird thing for me to do, but then again, so is life these days. I am a hypersensitive mono, almost 36, who has been (is in!) an extremely good and safe relationship with my partner (Vanilla) for about 13 years. We have no kids, and no interest in having any. She started talking about feeling different 3-4 years ago, but I didn't think more of it. Then one of my best friends (Jake), whom I ironically lost contact with then meeting Vanilla, got back into my life. He and she clicked instantly and grew to become very good friends, both being carved from the same tree. They have steadily gotten closer.
A few weeks ago, Vanilla broke down and told me she loved him, and would like a relationship with him. He is a truly good friend of mine, and I love him dearly. I have decided to accept (I'm not fooling myself by saying I have already accepted) that she is truly poly and can love two people just as much and intensely. I have been jumping between accepting and flailingly scared, but we decided, mutually, to try this, yesterday.
Yesterday, he became her secondary. We have agreed on a boundary of loving touching, but no kissing yet. I have read many forum posts warning about boundaries, but we all agree on them. They are both ecstatic about being able to touch each other in front of me, and I like it. I feel the warmth and energy, and I trust both of them 100% to not abuse the trust we have, and my heart.
Vanilla already loves me multitudes more than before. I can feel Jake and me growing closer. We can all see great things in our future.
And then the pain comes, and the hurt, and I feel scared. I have started writing down my feelings and emotions. I always have my notebook, practically my diary now, by my side. I cannot overstate the importance this has already had for us. I used to rant and flail to Vanilla (who has shown the most amazing patience and trust in this), and it wore her out. I wasted her fantastic love in a way I didn't know I could do. Now, I can sort out my feelings, find what I need and then go to her. Usually it's just a cuddle.
I am blessed with a fantastic partner who, when realising she was poly, had no interest in an open relationship. She doesn't want ANOTHER partner, she wants more in life, and I really think we have a fantastic possibility of being a full triad at some point.
I see so many posts on forums from people with worse starts, and I am truly sorry for that. I already feel the terror and pain, and I have an extremely open and loving partner. I truly hope this will work out. Day 1 of our new relationship was a grand success. I walked the dog while they prepared dinner, and I have never felt so truly free as when I strolled along, knowing I didn't have to rush home, to sort out time schedule for preparing dinner, etc., etc.
And then the pain returns... the fear of losing her, of not being able to handle this. I know this is normal, but I would really like to get in touch with others in a similar situation and talk about this, share techniques for dealing and coping, and making this fantastic opportunity work. I think I am more of a closet poly than I realise, but I am also hypersensitive when it comes to my partner.
Anyway, that was probably way too much info for this specific group, introduction.