Guilt over boundaries

[preciselove]

Well, shit, yeah. But that rarely happens! I didn't say no one hopes for it, just that lots of relationships are obviously not meant to last forever; otherwise, they would. My point was that the end of a relationship doesn't mean it failed, only that it ended. And relationships end for various and sundry reasons. It isn't "usually" due to one of the people having found someone else, and that causing it to end, which is what you were saying...

My point was most mono people go into relationships (at least the non-fuck-buddy type ones) with the hope that they will last forever. If you want me to limit that, I'll say "most mono people I know." I don't know why people get antsy with others generalizing. Generalizations don't cover every case, they just try and cover most cases. Often they can be wrong, but that's incredibly difficult to prove. There's no point arguing with a generalization with, "Well, in my case". Give your case, sure. But why argue or think a generalization is wrong because it doesn't fit you? Western culture (TV/Hollywood/books/etc.) that we all are aware of here, I'm sure, support my generalizations.

If a relationship ends when the initial hope was "I want it to last forever," then most mono endings are indeed failures, given the above.

I don't know what you mean here. I am new to polyamory, and only basing what I say on my lifelong experience as a mono person. My point ism you can't really generalize, anyway, but your conclusions seem really off to me.

People that end up entangled in polyamory are typically intelligent. Again, a generalization. But I guess by this stage you'll realize it is something that I feel is true. People that are attracted to communities like this (and even mono people that are) communicate better than most, and have a higher awareness of the world around them.

Intelligent people are a minority in society and as such, their experiences will usually be atypical. Even before you were practicing polyamory, you were likely more intelligent than most, and your experiences as such will be tainted with that intelligence.

 

[preciselove]

According to a new study, up to 20% of long-term relationships begin when one or both partners are involved with others. Evolutionary psychologists call this “mate poaching.” This figure holds steady across age groups and among couples who are married, living together or dating, according to psychologists who polled some 16,000 individuals...

So, 20% of people are involved with someone else when they start a new relationship. Just add the "people who broke up with someone, then a few days later, started up with someone" on top of that. Think it's not at least 30%?

peterfox.com.au/pre_marriage_poaching.htm