Just wondering?

T

Tahirabs

New member
Really I am not a person for labels, ever, but I was wondering what the people here thought. This whole polyamory thing is new to me and therefore, extremely interesting. My girlfriend Katja lives with us. She I are very much in love. I am married. While my husband Nils says he loves Katja, and I know he does, in his own way, he still continues to tell me that what he and I have is completely different and special compared to how he feels about Katja. I have seen that Nils cares deeply for Katja (she recently sprained her ankle), but still he tells me what we have is different.​
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I have also heard Katja say the same things to me. She says she loves Nils as a very close friend. She does not mind being sexual with the two of us. We mainly do sexual things when it is just the three of us. When it is just me and her we only make out. I know she would be a little uncomfortable doing things with Nils alone.​
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Katja told me she was a lesbian interested in polyamory when I first met her. That is how I learned about polyamory.​
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From my view, I love both of them in different ways, but mostly equally in amount, if one had to measure love, or had a way to. So my question was what other's opinions were on our relationship. V or Triad? I feel a lot of the time that I am the one at the bottom being loved by two people, which is wonderful; but I really want them to be close. Hmm...​
 
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It sounds like a V to me. Your husband and your girlfriend are tied much more intimately to you than to each other, even though all three of you share sexual relations.

The only suggestion I'd make is to not expect all sex play to involve all three of you. You and her without him, and you and him without her, would be reflective of the emotional ties that already exist and can complement the threesome experiences well. If he and she don't get together without you, that's OK, as there's nothing to be gained from forcing things to meet artificial expectations.

Having a V doesn't preclude the three of you also acting like a triad at times. When it comes down to it, the members of a V have to relate to two other people, the same as in a triad. So loving and caring for the other end of a V isn't unusual in the slightest--and it's a very, very good thing.
 
Thank you for the explanation. It helped.

Last night, Nils and i got in a big fight. That always upsets Katja, as her parents had violent abusive fights. Nils and I get loud and yell sometimes, but we never are violent.

I finally found out that Nils was feeling a little less loved and that there were a few small things he wanted me to change. I told him that he is first in my life, and that no matter what he asks in regards to the three of us, I'd do. I'd even make my self not love Katja. He said he'd never ask me to do that, which made me very happy. He just wants me to be aware of his needs more.

It is definitely a bumpy road right now, since none of us have been down this path. I hope it gets better and quickly. I have such few precious moments to share with both of them together. :( ::sigh::
 
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