New, Worried, Seeking Counsel

[Alexander]

Hi Amazing Polyforum People,

Hope this is the right place to post this.

I'm new to non-monogamy. My girlfriend right now lives in NYC, while I've just moved to Thailand for six months. We've been dating for 3 years, with a one year break after the first two. I think we have an awesome relationship - loving, good communication, great chemistry.

I've never felt comfortable in a monogamous relationship, so, now that I have to be away for six months, we're trying it open.

Yesterday she told me that a guy asked her out. By the rules of our relationship, they'd have to go out at least three times before hooking up, so I have at least a tiny bit of time before "the hammer falls". I felt terrible yesterday, but am feeling better today and am thinking that maybe I can actually handle this. But I want to know:

How did you handle your first experience with open/poly relationships? Was it incredibly painful the first time your partner slept with someone else? How did you get through it? What do you wish you knew then, that might help get me through this turbulence?

Thank you so much!!!

 

[nightrush]

Alex,

We have all had to deal with it in different ways. The most important part of the entire relationship set up is going to be open lines of communication. Sadly, that is where my last triad fell apart. While we were closed, we did not spend enough time sharing our concerns with the bigger picture. Rather, we focussed on a +b / a + c / b +c issues.

Do not get me wrong, i would not change anything that i did as it made me a much more stronger person.