Now for an odd ball question

A

Amethystsparrow

New member
So! After getting the bigger issues out of the way and our triad on track towards positive steps, I've run into an odd ball of a question that I cannot seem to find an answer to and one that I found silly, yet oddly important. Differences in Libido and time one on one.

So! as emberassing as it is for me to admit, I've an average libido. When I say average I mean I can be happy and satisfied if it is 2-3 days in a week, or I can easily take or leave it. it's not a very big need for me as I am more needing in the one on one and closeness department. Snarky and Sunshine : GIANT libido, they seriously can go every day, twice a day if they could get away with it. That's just their libido and great for them!

However, what does one do when they do go at it like rabbits and you yourself count that as 'solo-intimiate' time and see that they have it, A LOT while you yourself are taking care of everything else? Don;t get us wrong, Sunshine insists I go after him more..but my libido is what it is and i am not going to run just because if I dont she will. Is there such a thing as telling your partners to go a day or two without shagging?

Here's what I've managed to find that bothers me, and even then I'm unsure if it is even really a thing.

1. They go at it like rabbits: this means that I am on my own and having to take care of everything, A LOT.

2. I start to get insecure about my libido and even wonder if i'll have any time or if He will have ANY energy at all to even have me.

3. the ' If i don;t she will' point of view': not liking that the point of view is even developing in my mind.

4. Am I ever going to have a time I can 'chase him' without it turning into a group or being 'second' or 'first' and then they go at it too.

5. His chasing of me is much less considering she is always after him, or he chases her more because he knows she is willing. That's kind of a current WTF development I am going to address to snarky, but I felt it was important enough to mention it ahead of time anyhow.

I'm hoping to hear from Triads who have the same difference in libido's and get some helpful ways to get through this unexpected part. I do NOT want to be jealous of something I normally do not go after. What works? Is there even such a thing as telling anyone " you screw too much, tone it down?" because i honestly don;t even think there is such a thing :/ I am a bit frustrated in these feelings and i really just want to get on with my day.

I did talk to Snarky about it, and he even said " well that is just us and our libido, you kinda have to get used to it." Yes..but there has to be some line of balance, right?
 
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I personally think you have every right to ask for dedicated, intimate TIME with either one of them. Time does NOT have to include sex. Quality Time is one of the Love Languages, and maybe that's yours. It seems that it goes better if you ask for what you need, rather than trying to deny them something. That's just what I have observed here on these boards.
 
So much what Powerpuff said! I find that if I'm fulfilled within my relationship with Blue, getting what I need (not everything I want because this is life), then it's much easier for me to feel compersion for him and his OSOs. It's also much less likely that I'll feel insecure in my relationship with Blue or jealous or envious of his time with Sage or Azure. The easiest, fastest, best way to get what you need or want is to ask for it. Of course, first you have to know what it is you want.

Is it more equitable distribution of chores with Snarky? More date nights (with or without one on one sex) with Snarky and Sunshine separately? Once you're clear in what it is you want, then ask for it. Then, it's their choice to figure out how to come up with the extra time (maybe they'll have less sex with one another, or maybe they'll take the time from somewhere else....friends or alone time, etc.)

As for mismatched libidos in triads, I was in a triad with Blue and another woman, Snow, for a while. Our libidos were definitely different with Blue's the highest, Snow's the lowest. As a result, Blue & I had one on one sex the most and Snow & I the least....but Snow & Blue had more free time than I did so they spent more alone time together. The key was, we all got what we needed.
 
Thank you both!

You know, there are many aspects of what has been said that are correct. Stepping away with your thoughts in mind has put into light that this is SELF work I am dealing with that, up until now had no name for me to even work on it. I think there is just a tiny bit of imbalance with chore work and a need of mine not being met as easily. These are very easy to fix and all around I feel better. Their bedroom shenanigans do not bother me, unless it is infringing on some of my one on one needs of the non sexual kind. Thanks again everyone!
 
I have that difference. Both my partners have high sex drives. I am more like you. It's not easy, but I have to recognize my relationships with them are as different as they are and their relationship together is different from their relationships with me.
 
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