Love, Family, Friendship
- Thread starter riftara
- Start date
Lover Ronan
I'll start with Ronan. Though he is my lover and not my husband, our relationship has been around longer.
Ronan is my best, friend. Well, one of them, I have two. (Just noticed that I'm poly there too. LOL) I have known him since 1999. We became friends in 2000, we first kissed in 2002, first had sex in 2004. We dated a few times, but he had, and has, a girlfriend. About a year ago, we started seeing each other romantically again, and this is the longest we have been involved.
I hate that he has a gf. She doesn't explicitly know about me. I'm "the other woman." He's cheating on her with me. I hate it, but I love him and I love being together when we are.
More on this later.
I'll start with Ronan. Though he is my lover and not my husband, our relationship has been around longer.
Ronan is my best, friend. Well, one of them, I have two. (Just noticed that I'm poly there too. LOL) I have known him since 1999. We became friends in 2000, we first kissed in 2002, first had sex in 2004. We dated a few times, but he had, and has, a girlfriend. About a year ago, we started seeing each other romantically again, and this is the longest we have been involved.
I hate that he has a gf. She doesn't explicitly know about me. I'm "the other woman." He's cheating on her with me. I hate it, but I love him and I love being together when we are.
Hubby John
John and I met on October 31st, 2003. We saw each other again in 2006, when I was married and pregnant with my daughter.
In 2007, my ex-husband and I split up. John got a mutual friend to give me his number, and we start talking.
In 2008, John and I got together. We got married about 6 months later. We were open in the beginning, one-night stands, for the most part.
In 2010, John and I decided to grow up a little, and become more poly and less whorish
That's a joke.
John and I have a son, born one day after our first anniversary.
John and I met on October 31st, 2003. We saw each other again in 2006, when I was married and pregnant with my daughter.
In 2007, my ex-husband and I split up. John got a mutual friend to give me his number, and we start talking.
In 2008, John and I got together. We got married about 6 months later. We were open in the beginning, one-night stands, for the most part.
In 2010, John and I decided to grow up a little, and become more poly and less whorish
That's a joke.John and I have a son, born one day after our first anniversary.
John and Ronan
John and Ronan are friends. John loves Ronan, in a family kind of way. He gets frustrated when Ronan I have problems because he doesn't want to see me hurt. He is open to us all sharing a living space in the future.
The two of them hang out without me. They talk on the phone (well, as much as any two guys who are friends do), text, etc.
They have on two occasions in the last 3 years treated me to a threesome.
I love the occasional night (maybe a handful of times) I get to spend between them in bed. It's amazing. Not that I would want that every night, but it's nice when it does happen.
John and Ronan are friends. John loves Ronan, in a family kind of way. He gets frustrated when Ronan I have problems because he doesn't want to see me hurt. He is open to us all sharing a living space in the future.
The two of them hang out without me. They talk on the phone (well, as much as any two guys who are friends do), text, etc.
They have on two occasions in the last 3 years treated me to a threesome.
I love the occasional night (maybe a handful of times) I get to spend between them in bed. It's amazing. Not that I would want that every night, but it's nice when it does happen.
John's New Girl
John met a girl! I'm so happy for him. We will dub her Delta. They have a date Friday. I'm almost as excited as he is. This is his first potential lover. He has had one-night stands, but nothing long-term.
I'm excited, but afraid of jumping the gun. When should she meet me? What do I say to show her I'm not a threat, that I encourage their relationship?
I know this is her first experience with this kind of thing too, and I don't want to mess up the relationship.
I don't do well with girls to begin with. I only have one female friend (my other best friend).
I'm gonna post on the main boards for some insight.
John met a girl! I'm so happy for him. We will dub her Delta. They have a date Friday. I'm almost as excited as he is. This is his first potential lover. He has had one-night stands, but nothing long-term.
I'm excited, but afraid of jumping the gun. When should she meet me? What do I say to show her I'm not a threat, that I encourage their relationship?
I know this is her first experience with this kind of thing too, and I don't want to mess up the relationship.
I don't do well with girls to begin with. I only have one female friend (my other best friend).
I'm gonna post on the main boards for some insight.
Thanks to everyone
Relax. River has said that. I'm bipolar. It's hard for me to relax. I'm a pagan that doesn't meditate. I can't sleep, much less relax.
I think I will set Delta aside, let John handle her until we meet naturally, or she wants to. Let her control our relationship. No reason to freak her out. She knows the deal, so we will see how things develop.
Relax. River has said that. I'm bipolar. It's hard for me to relax. I'm a pagan that doesn't meditate. I can't sleep, much less relax.
I think I will set Delta aside, let John handle her until we meet naturally, or she wants to. Let her control our relationship. No reason to freak her out. She knows the deal, so we will see how things develop.
Ronan, or "How I Became The Other Woman"
Ronan met his gf in high school, around the same time we met. I was dating his best friend Heath at the time. Ronan was shy, reserved. I paid him absolutely no attention, but my boyfriend Heath insisted we be nice to each other.
Then Ronan started seeing his gf. We all had to tell them they were together. Neither of them know the day they "made it official." They both just agreed to our badgering. I look back now and know we just wanted the drama of another relationship.
A few years go by, and it seems that theirs is the only sexless relationship among us. Ronan and I spent a lot of time together, mostly me griping about one thing or another pertaining to Heath. We became friends, then I began to love him. I didn't think it was possible to love him when I thought I loved my Heath, so I took the most logical step at that point to me, having already cheated on Heath several times. We kissed. I loved it. I loving hanging with him. But although he said he felt things for me too, he didn't want things to go further.
A few more years go by. Ronan and I have two long periods when we kiss and hold hands and allow ourselves to love. Every time I get scared, every time I back off. Eventually we had sex, just once, and I pulled away completely, cut off all contact with him because of "some other unrelated thing."
I got married to Heath, though I knew I shouldn't have. I cheated in the days leading up to the wedding. I told Heath, maybe looking for an out, but he said he wanted me to be his wife. I brought up being poly once or twice, not that I was really ready for it then. He almost agreed once, but it didn't change my cheating.
Ronan didn't come to the wedding. He said he knew it wouldn't last and that it didn't mean anything to me. I hated him for that. Now I know it's because he echoed what I felt but could not say.
Ronan and I continued to fool around, though not as often. We didn't have sex again for a long time after my first marriage broke up. I started to see John. John and I were open from the beginning, so I was free, on my end at least, to see Ronan as I wished.
I still kept my distance, afraid of all sorts of things I couldn't name. A few weeks, a random night here and there, I told him I loved him, and backed off almost as quickly as I had jumped to his arms.
Over a year ago, Ronan called me, rather late at night, and said he wanted to really to be lovers again. He said HE wanted to control when the relationship ended, if that was at once, or in a few weeks, or whatever.
I took a few months to respond to that request, making sure I could handle the stress of the possibility of losing control. I finally consented. He had given up hope of the prospect, but we made love again that night and we have considered ourselves lovers ever since.
Last summer, Ronan's GF found out about our relationship. She was upset, but didn't flip. Her only consensus was for her to have daily sex with him for about a week, then it was back to the once a month of the previous two years.
Ronan's GF is polite to me, offers me trips to the mall and friendship, but I am uncomfortable around most females, especially since I don't know if she knows.
I love Ronan. I know he loves me.
I have always been secure knowing that for whatever reason, he and his GF were always going to be together. He is talking of leaving her. I'm terrified of that transition.
Why does it have to be this way? Why does he have to choose? He has said before that he loves her, and obviously there is some ambivalence on her part as to his sexual relations. I wish I could discuss this with her. I wish I could join her, actually be friends, and help her love him.
Ronan met his gf in high school, around the same time we met. I was dating his best friend Heath at the time. Ronan was shy, reserved. I paid him absolutely no attention, but my boyfriend Heath insisted we be nice to each other.
Then Ronan started seeing his gf. We all had to tell them they were together. Neither of them know the day they "made it official." They both just agreed to our badgering. I look back now and know we just wanted the drama of another relationship.
A few years go by, and it seems that theirs is the only sexless relationship among us. Ronan and I spent a lot of time together, mostly me griping about one thing or another pertaining to Heath. We became friends, then I began to love him. I didn't think it was possible to love him when I thought I loved my Heath, so I took the most logical step at that point to me, having already cheated on Heath several times. We kissed. I loved it. I loving hanging with him. But although he said he felt things for me too, he didn't want things to go further.
A few more years go by. Ronan and I have two long periods when we kiss and hold hands and allow ourselves to love. Every time I get scared, every time I back off. Eventually we had sex, just once, and I pulled away completely, cut off all contact with him because of "some other unrelated thing."
I got married to Heath, though I knew I shouldn't have. I cheated in the days leading up to the wedding. I told Heath, maybe looking for an out, but he said he wanted me to be his wife. I brought up being poly once or twice, not that I was really ready for it then. He almost agreed once, but it didn't change my cheating.
Ronan didn't come to the wedding. He said he knew it wouldn't last and that it didn't mean anything to me. I hated him for that. Now I know it's because he echoed what I felt but could not say.
Ronan and I continued to fool around, though not as often. We didn't have sex again for a long time after my first marriage broke up. I started to see John. John and I were open from the beginning, so I was free, on my end at least, to see Ronan as I wished.
I still kept my distance, afraid of all sorts of things I couldn't name. A few weeks, a random night here and there, I told him I loved him, and backed off almost as quickly as I had jumped to his arms.
Over a year ago, Ronan called me, rather late at night, and said he wanted to really to be lovers again. He said HE wanted to control when the relationship ended, if that was at once, or in a few weeks, or whatever.
I took a few months to respond to that request, making sure I could handle the stress of the possibility of losing control. I finally consented. He had given up hope of the prospect, but we made love again that night and we have considered ourselves lovers ever since.
Last summer, Ronan's GF found out about our relationship. She was upset, but didn't flip. Her only consensus was for her to have daily sex with him for about a week, then it was back to the once a month of the previous two years.
Ronan's GF is polite to me, offers me trips to the mall and friendship, but I am uncomfortable around most females, especially since I don't know if she knows.
I love Ronan. I know he loves me.
I have always been secure knowing that for whatever reason, he and his GF were always going to be together. He is talking of leaving her. I'm terrified of that transition.
Why does it have to be this way? Why does he have to choose? He has said before that he loves her, and obviously there is some ambivalence on her part as to his sexual relations. I wish I could discuss this with her. I wish I could join her, actually be friends, and help her love him.
The Here and Now
I have lately been devouring polyamory books, these boards, and processing a lot.
Is it because of my unmedicated state? I am bipolar and have been without meds for two weeks now. It;s a rocky place to be, I know. Am I processing this to avoid processing other things? Or is this what I need to be processing?
Is it because of the imminent changes-- Ronan and his GF possibly splitting, John and Delta possibly falling in love?
Is it due to John and my recent discussions and renewal of intimacy? He has been physically gone from me for a year and a half.
I have also been sleeping less and fretting over the coven and the general future.
I told a friend today about my high school boyfriend's abuse, not in the general terms I normally do, but specifically. I realized I don't think I've ever done that for John. I know I haven't for any other lover, especially not Ronan. Is it time for me to face that abuse and get past it fully?
I feel like this is a time of growth, even though I am depressed. I want someone to talk this over with, but John is unavailable to me at this moment. All I have is myself, Ronan, and a few close friends. I think it is time I spoke with my high priest about all this.
I have lately been devouring polyamory books, these boards, and processing a lot.
Is it because of my unmedicated state? I am bipolar and have been without meds for two weeks now. It;s a rocky place to be, I know. Am I processing this to avoid processing other things? Or is this what I need to be processing?
Is it because of the imminent changes-- Ronan and his GF possibly splitting, John and Delta possibly falling in love?
Is it due to John and my recent discussions and renewal of intimacy? He has been physically gone from me for a year and a half.
I have also been sleeping less and fretting over the coven and the general future.
I told a friend today about my high school boyfriend's abuse, not in the general terms I normally do, but specifically. I realized I don't think I've ever done that for John. I know I haven't for any other lover, especially not Ronan. Is it time for me to face that abuse and get past it fully?
I feel like this is a time of growth, even though I am depressed. I want someone to talk this over with, but John is unavailable to me at this moment. All I have is myself, Ronan, and a few close friends. I think it is time I spoke with my high priest about all this.
TX and GA
I'm in TX right now, with John. All my family and friends, except my son, are in GA. I love being here with John, but I want to be Home, with Ronan, and all the rest of my support.
My bipolar is getting harsh around the edges. I'm on my meds again, but I'm feeling unstable.
I don't know if I can handle being out here for more than a month at a time, and I will likely be here for almost two months next time I come out.
Ronan is having a hard time with his life, and I want to be home to help him, to be there for him. We talk on the phone, but it's not the same.
I love John, but I'm not use to him being around. We have spent more of our marriage living apart than living together. Not because of our desire, but because of circumstances and my daughter. I need a break from my son. I am glad that some women can be around their kids 24/7, but I need a few days every now and then. I think it's because of my bi-polar. I have been with him every minute of the past two weeks.
My new meds have also stopped my periods and made me gain weight. Not happy about that. I'm feeling depressed and off balance, and I need something to change fast.
I'm in TX right now, with John. All my family and friends, except my son, are in GA. I love being here with John, but I want to be Home, with Ronan, and all the rest of my support.
My bipolar is getting harsh around the edges. I'm on my meds again, but I'm feeling unstable.
I don't know if I can handle being out here for more than a month at a time, and I will likely be here for almost two months next time I come out.
Ronan is having a hard time with his life, and I want to be home to help him, to be there for him. We talk on the phone, but it's not the same.
I love John, but I'm not use to him being around. We have spent more of our marriage living apart than living together. Not because of our desire, but because of circumstances and my daughter. I need a break from my son. I am glad that some women can be around their kids 24/7, but I need a few days every now and then. I think it's because of my bi-polar. I have been with him every minute of the past two weeks.
My new meds have also stopped my periods and made me gain weight. Not happy about that. I'm feeling depressed and off balance, and I need something to change fast.
SNeacail
New member
If I read your post correctly, your son is 3 or 4. Hire a babysitter and take a break. No one can be cooped up with a kid that age for 24/7 and not feel like they are going to lose their mind,
even without the added stress of bipolar issues. Hire a sitter on a regular basis, even if it's just for a few hours each time.He's 1 1/2, which for me is even crazier than my 4-year old. At least she understands, "Mom needs to be alone right now."
If I knew any out here, I would. I've been looking for a good one with good references, but no luck yet.
I'm back, or "my how things change"
So, Ronan finally did what he said he would do almost two years ago, be in control of the ending of our relationship. He ended it about three months ago. I was really hurt, but I'm over it now.
He even moved in with me. So far, 10 days of that and there have been no fights and no real tension.
Of course, my new boyfriend, and Ronan's new play toy may have something to do with the lack of tension.
Yep! New boyfriend. We will call him Fox. The relationship is all NRE right now, and since John is again gone, I have the time to spend time with him.
Fox is so amazing. He is like John in a few ways, but mostly he's different. John has always been a less affectionate guy, but Fox is very affectionate. John and Fox have completely different bedroom abilities. They are both nerds and focused. I like nerds, what can I say?
I can see the NRE in this post. Fox is making me smile all day and I need that right now with John gone and my bipolar not 100% stable. John is out of communication for the moment, so I can't talk to him, though I write him almost every day. I know he won't get the letters I write for some time, but I need to tell him so much. That, and I love to write him, cover the pages in hearts and our names like I'm in high school again.
Fox is making me wish more people knew John and I were poly. It's not something I can reveal without him here and okay with it. Our friends know, and his sister, but not many others.
In fact, I'm going to go call Fox now.
So, Ronan finally did what he said he would do almost two years ago, be in control of the ending of our relationship. He ended it about three months ago. I was really hurt, but I'm over it now.
He even moved in with me. So far, 10 days of that and there have been no fights and no real tension.
Of course, my new boyfriend, and Ronan's new play toy may have something to do with the lack of tension.
Yep! New boyfriend. We will call him Fox. The relationship is all NRE right now, and since John is again gone, I have the time to spend time with him.
Fox is so amazing. He is like John in a few ways, but mostly he's different. John has always been a less affectionate guy, but Fox is very affectionate. John and Fox have completely different bedroom abilities. They are both nerds and focused. I like nerds, what can I say?
I can see the NRE in this post. Fox is making me smile all day and I need that right now with John gone and my bipolar not 100% stable. John is out of communication for the moment, so I can't talk to him, though I write him almost every day. I know he won't get the letters I write for some time, but I need to tell him so much. That, and I love to write him, cover the pages in hearts and our names like I'm in high school again.
Fox is making me wish more people knew John and I were poly. It's not something I can reveal without him here and okay with it. Our friends know, and his sister, but not many others.
In fact, I'm going to go call Fox now.
Missing John
I miss John so much right now, and I won't see him for months. I have some possibilities coming up and I wish I could talk to him about them.
I went to see his parents this weekend. I miss him even more when I'm down there. Everyone says how much his son looks like him and blah blah blah. I'm the one who has to miss having my husband home.
I want to share this NRE with John! I love when he smiles at my smiling. It reminds me how much he loves me. His interest in my other partners is always honest and supportive, even when he vetoes a potential partner.
I'm afraid of leaning too much on Fox, expecting him to take on too much. he is such a great guy, and he understands as much as he can. I just know I need to set aside time that would be John's if he were here, but I need support and Fox is giving it to me well at the moment. I don't want to be away from him because it helps me not miss John-- just a little, but it helps.
Writing John makes me feel a little better, and there are other things that help, but all in all, it sucks not having him here.
I miss John so much right now, and I won't see him for months. I have some possibilities coming up and I wish I could talk to him about them.
I went to see his parents this weekend. I miss him even more when I'm down there. Everyone says how much his son looks like him and blah blah blah. I'm the one who has to miss having my husband home.
I want to share this NRE with John! I love when he smiles at my smiling. It reminds me how much he loves me. His interest in my other partners is always honest and supportive, even when he vetoes a potential partner.
I'm afraid of leaning too much on Fox, expecting him to take on too much. he is such a great guy, and he understands as much as he can. I just know I need to set aside time that would be John's if he were here, but I need support and Fox is giving it to me well at the moment. I don't want to be away from him because it helps me not miss John-- just a little, but it helps.
Writing John makes me feel a little better, and there are other things that help, but all in all, it sucks not having him here.
Vaca!
I have gotten a few chances to talk to John over G-talk!!!!!
Fox and I took a vacation together for a whole week. His friends were suppose to go, but bailed, so he asked me.
John said it was early, but at least it gave me a chance to learn any "oh moment" - you know, that moment you learn the dealbreaker.
Fox was AWESOME. The trip was AWESOME. I talked to John most days on the trip. Fox acted perfectly. I really think that if Fox can handle everything, that he is the one I've been looking for. He complements John so well. The two of them are perfect counters that fulfill all my needs. Well, so far.
I have gotten a few chances to talk to John over G-talk!!!!!
Fox and I took a vacation together for a whole week. His friends were suppose to go, but bailed, so he asked me.
John said it was early, but at least it gave me a chance to learn any "oh moment" - you know, that moment you learn the dealbreaker.
Fox was AWESOME. The trip was AWESOME. I talked to John most days on the trip. Fox acted perfectly. I really think that if Fox can handle everything, that he is the one I've been looking for. He complements John so well. The two of them are perfect counters that fulfill all my needs. Well, so far.
AnnabelMore
Active member
Such an exciting time!
Its time for a change of scenery
Fox and I are doing well. I think we are pulling out of NRE and moving into a sustainable level of energy. It feels good to have a strong support, but I realized the other night that I still need Ronan as my best friend. Ronan knew exactly what to say when I had a breakdown. Fox hasn't been around long enough to know what the right things to say are. I know that Ronan will always be my best friend. I was worried that things would change after our relationship was romantic for so long, but it's the same as we have been for the last decade.
I'm moving to a new house. Fox and I have spent every night since the vacation together (sometimes at his house, but mostly mine), so he has a lot of his things here. It means he is going to either move them back to his place or move them to my new place. When I showed him the new place, he was commenting on how some of his things that are in storage would go well in the new place. It is bigger than what I have now, so I don't have the furniture to fill it and he knows this. He said he would be willing to put some of his things there to fill out the space until I could get some things.
So though it is way too early, we had the move-in talk, the first of many, I'm sure. Fox said he doesn't want to leave his place now, but some of his things have no home right now, and if they work in my house, then he has no problem with them being there. (Well duh, it was his idea.) He also said that he wasn't sure how the whole him and John under the same roof would work, especially if John hates him. He said he wants to move in but he's scared. I know that he will be there all the time, and that if he needs an out he has it, so I'm figuring we let it happen naturally.
Speaking of John and Fox, John is impressed with him, but Fox is scared that John won't like him. John has never disliked a guy that respected our relationship. and Fox respects it more than anyone has in the past, except maybe Ronan. I think the next time John is on Gtalk and Fox is with me, I will have them talk. Fox wants to hang out with just John for a little bit when he is home.
I am so hopeful. I want Fox to be what I've been looking for, and he is, so far.
Fox and I are doing well. I think we are pulling out of NRE and moving into a sustainable level of energy. It feels good to have a strong support, but I realized the other night that I still need Ronan as my best friend. Ronan knew exactly what to say when I had a breakdown. Fox hasn't been around long enough to know what the right things to say are. I know that Ronan will always be my best friend. I was worried that things would change after our relationship was romantic for so long, but it's the same as we have been for the last decade.
I'm moving to a new house. Fox and I have spent every night since the vacation together (sometimes at his house, but mostly mine), so he has a lot of his things here. It means he is going to either move them back to his place or move them to my new place. When I showed him the new place, he was commenting on how some of his things that are in storage would go well in the new place. It is bigger than what I have now, so I don't have the furniture to fill it and he knows this. He said he would be willing to put some of his things there to fill out the space until I could get some things.
So though it is way too early, we had the move-in talk, the first of many, I'm sure. Fox said he doesn't want to leave his place now, but some of his things have no home right now, and if they work in my house, then he has no problem with them being there. (Well duh, it was his idea.) He also said that he wasn't sure how the whole him and John under the same roof would work, especially if John hates him. He said he wants to move in but he's scared. I know that he will be there all the time, and that if he needs an out he has it, so I'm figuring we let it happen naturally.
Speaking of John and Fox, John is impressed with him, but Fox is scared that John won't like him. John has never disliked a guy that respected our relationship. and Fox respects it more than anyone has in the past, except maybe Ronan. I think the next time John is on Gtalk and Fox is with me, I will have them talk. Fox wants to hang out with just John for a little bit when he is home.
I am so hopeful. I want Fox to be what I've been looking for, and he is, so far.
Yeah!
So a lot has happened, but most of it is not really notable.
I was in two car wrecks. Fox was driving in one, and my daughter was in the car. I was driving alone in the other one. The accidents led to tramadol being added to my med regimen and screwing with my actual meds. I spent almost a week in the hospital. Fox handled it wonderfully.
On other notes, Fox has moved in, mostly. He still pays rent at his old place, but he rarely goes there. I know he's just waiting for John to come home, to take that last test, before he changes his address and stops paying rent there. He helps me pay the bills at the new place and he calls it home.
John will be available for me to talk to again tomorrow. I'm excited. Ill be able to see him again in December. My son misses his daddy. I told him he'd get to talk to his daddy tomorrow. John being home in a month or so is amazing, even though it won't be for long. We get about a month with him before he's off again.
He wants to try to have another baby.
Fox is good with the kids. He has taken to my son quite well, and my son him. He helps get the kids to bed and even bought my son a new bed, a car toddler bed. He does little things like get them juice and remind them to eat dinner. But I will need help if we have another baby. I'm wondering how Fox will be, if he will help, or if I will be alone if John isn't home. I'm a group package, and in not too long I will be having another baby.
Fox is seeing another girl, casually. I like her, and I'm ok with the casual thing. I just can't handle him being in a relationship right now. I thought that was where it was heading, but a nice talk with them both headed that off, so I think I'm cool with it now. I'm going away for the weekend, so Fox and his girl will spend some alone time together. We will see if I'm okay with them next week.
John coming home is going to make or break Fox and me, and I'm nervous about it. I know that it's a big test and I think we are ready for it, but there is John's side of this, too. I hope that the boys like each other enough to make this work. I'm ready for the transition, well, as ready as I can be. I know how I'm going to work my time; I know how my days will go; I know what I'm going to do when both of them are here. I've thought about that stuff for a month now.
I miss the hell out of John though, and I know it will take us time to re-establish intimacy. It always does. I know I have to get them both to talk to me about how they are feeling, so nothing festers. I've got a big job in front of me.
So a lot has happened, but most of it is not really notable.
I was in two car wrecks. Fox was driving in one, and my daughter was in the car. I was driving alone in the other one. The accidents led to tramadol being added to my med regimen and screwing with my actual meds. I spent almost a week in the hospital. Fox handled it wonderfully.
On other notes, Fox has moved in, mostly. He still pays rent at his old place, but he rarely goes there. I know he's just waiting for John to come home, to take that last test, before he changes his address and stops paying rent there. He helps me pay the bills at the new place and he calls it home.
John will be available for me to talk to again tomorrow. I'm excited. Ill be able to see him again in December. My son misses his daddy. I told him he'd get to talk to his daddy tomorrow. John being home in a month or so is amazing, even though it won't be for long. We get about a month with him before he's off again.
He wants to try to have another baby.
Fox is good with the kids. He has taken to my son quite well, and my son him. He helps get the kids to bed and even bought my son a new bed, a car toddler bed. He does little things like get them juice and remind them to eat dinner. But I will need help if we have another baby. I'm wondering how Fox will be, if he will help, or if I will be alone if John isn't home. I'm a group package, and in not too long I will be having another baby.
Fox is seeing another girl, casually. I like her, and I'm ok with the casual thing. I just can't handle him being in a relationship right now. I thought that was where it was heading, but a nice talk with them both headed that off, so I think I'm cool with it now. I'm going away for the weekend, so Fox and his girl will spend some alone time together. We will see if I'm okay with them next week.
John coming home is going to make or break Fox and me, and I'm nervous about it. I know that it's a big test and I think we are ready for it, but there is John's side of this, too. I hope that the boys like each other enough to make this work. I'm ready for the transition, well, as ready as I can be. I know how I'm going to work my time; I know how my days will go; I know what I'm going to do when both of them are here. I've thought about that stuff for a month now.
I miss the hell out of John though, and I know it will take us time to re-establish intimacy. It always does. I know I have to get them both to talk to me about how they are feeling, so nothing festers. I've got a big job in front of me.
IndieSolo
Active member
Is it totally up to John? Do you want to have another baby? It sounds like you already have two and that's been stressful for you. If John is away most of the time, is it logical to bring another life into the world? I'm just wondering if having another is the best choice for you (because you do have a choice, you know).
I want 4 total
I did kinda make that sound like I didn't want to. But I do, one more with John and one with whomever (hopefully Fox) that becomes my other life partner, if that person wants one. I know Fox does, and any guy who would be with a woman with three kids would likely want his own, too.
I'm just not sure how me being pregnant with John's kid will affect Fox, that's all. I've done it alone before, I can do it again. But I'm sure having Fox there, but unwilling to help, would make me resentful, even though it's not his kid. John wants one more, and I want to get pregnant with any kid I'm going to have before I'm 30. I'm getting fixed at 30. With my medical problems, I don't think I could face the possible problems that increase at 30 and then again at 40. Plus I always wanted to be a young mom. I want to enjoy my empty nest years, not still have young kids in the house at 50. Just a personal preference.
I'm on new ground, well, for me.
I did kinda make that sound like I didn't want to. But I do, one more with John and one with whomever (hopefully Fox) that becomes my other life partner, if that person wants one. I know Fox does, and any guy who would be with a woman with three kids would likely want his own, too.
I'm just not sure how me being pregnant with John's kid will affect Fox, that's all. I've done it alone before, I can do it again. But I'm sure having Fox there, but unwilling to help, would make me resentful, even though it's not his kid. John wants one more, and I want to get pregnant with any kid I'm going to have before I'm 30. I'm getting fixed at 30. With my medical problems, I don't think I could face the possible problems that increase at 30 and then again at 40. Plus I always wanted to be a young mom. I want to enjoy my empty nest years, not still have young kids in the house at 50. Just a personal preference.
I'm on new ground, well, for me.
Although my time with John is over the phone, I am getting time with both my men every day. I love it! I can't wait for John to be with me, with us.
Fox's girl toy is staying the night tomorrow. She said she wants to spend the evening with me. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I don't know what her motives are and I don't trust that she would be truthful about them if I asked.
It's possible that she just wants to hang, since she asked me, not Fox, if she could come over. But I think she is interested in me, though I'm not sure if it's me, or the fact that Fox and I are lovers, if it's just a threesome she wants, or if she wants more.
I hate not knowing, but I don't know how to bring it up, either. We were friends, but not close, before they started sleeping together, and I don't do well with girls.
This is going on the main board. I need advice.
Fox's girl toy is staying the night tomorrow. She said she wants to spend the evening with me. I'm not sure how I feel about it. I don't know what her motives are and I don't trust that she would be truthful about them if I asked.
It's possible that she just wants to hang, since she asked me, not Fox, if she could come over. But I think she is interested in me, though I'm not sure if it's me, or the fact that Fox and I are lovers, if it's just a threesome she wants, or if she wants more.
I hate not knowing, but I don't know how to bring it up, either. We were friends, but not close, before they started sleeping together, and I don't do well with girls.
This is going on the main board. I need advice.