My boyfriend is upset, can you overcome jealousy issues?

@Brid75 again. What do you mean when you say Geoff is "not man enough"? Is it because he suffers from premature ejaculation? Is that why? It's a medical problem. It has nothing to do with him being a "man." I understated how big a problem it has been for him. He was man enough to ask me for help with it; he was man enough to ask me to teach him how and where I liked to be touched. His previous girlfriend had no interest. It's people saying things like "He's not man enough" that makes PE a bigger problem than it should be. We have worked on it, and made it much better.

It was such a problem for him that after two months of going out together, we had still not had sex. In this day and age, that is very unusual, isn't it? At first I thought it was sweet. It certainly made a change. I told myself that we would take it at his pace. After two months I had to ask him what was wrong. When we did make love for the first time I realised what it was. He was very nervous, so much so that I could feel it, very shy and hesitant. I soon found out why. It was instant when I touched him. I just thought it was sweet. He was so embarrassed and upset, so much so that he wanted to go straight home. I just thought it was nerves, and I convinced him to stay the night, tried to take his mind off of it. We tried again in the morning, same thing. He admitted that it was a problem that he had. I'm glad that I reacted the way I did. It made it easier for him to talk to me about it.

A year later, and he is a thousand times improved. He has confidence and we have a special sexual connection. I enjoy our lovemaking very much. We take it slow and that makes it very loving. It's varied and he is considerate and always makes sure that I get off. It's lovemaking.

Is Ewan "a superior lover?" My orgasms with Geoff are through clitoral stimulation, whether that through oral or by him using his hands or toys. His touch is very loving and soft. I have these orgasms with Ewan also, but because of his size and staying power he can also make me orgasm through intercourse. Those orgasms are far more intense. Also, he can get me to the point where I can have one after the other.

We will make love multiple times also. Geoff cannot do this. That's okay though, because he makes me feel more loved and special, and less like a whore. If it's about orgasms, though, then yes, Ewan is superior. He can give me more orgasms in one night than Geoff can in five. The BDSM side of things with Ewan is a whole different thing altogether, an addictive thing.

Would I like Geoff to be more like Ewan in bed? No, definitely not. I like him as he is. This is why I need them both.
 
Arrowbound said:
Sorry your friend was so over the line. I have no room for comments like that. How disrespectful and presumptuous. It may be coming from that default mono mindset (more than likely), but it still comes off like an asshole-ish thing to say, between friends.

I'd tread lightly with her from now on, personally.
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Yes, she does not approve of me having two men. That's fine. I understand, a lot of people wouldn't. I know she thinks the world of Geoff, also. She spends a lot of time with us. She must see how much I love him!
 
nycindie said:
I'm so sorry your friend doesn't understand or try to understand, and has made such terrible remarks. Sometimes it takes telling people off and then not seeing them for a while for them to realize they were being inconsiderate and hurtful. I don't know what else to say except that you are welcome here, and you can PM people that you feel you might want to talk with privately. It's not the same as friends in real life, but it's something.
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Thanks, NYCindie.
 
Dinner at Eight

Geoff, Ewan, his wife Mia and I all went out for dinner last Sunday. I was very nervous as to how things would go.

It went so much better than I could ever have expected. It was what Mia had said it would be, friends going out for dinner.

Geoff was in really good form. I love him so much. He did most of the talking and was his usual charming and funny self, and was in no way affected by the whole thing. He got on really well with Mia. She thought he was so lovely, and he is.

Ewan was quiet to begin with, but he is quiet sometimes. He is more the physical type. Once Geoff got chatting to him, he was fine though. They are men, so we had to suffer them talking about football, but it was worth it just to see them get on and laugh together. Soooooooooooooo happy.:)

I'm so proud that they both made the effort to get on, and that there wasn't any animosity between them. Ewan told me how much he enjoyed Geoff's company. Geoff feels much better having put a face and a voice to the lover that I go off to see twice a week, and although he found him a bit quiet, he said that he liked him, and is happy for me to see him. The men had to keep telling me to calm down, though. I get a bit hyper when I'm nervous.

We are going to meet again, and take Max with us this time. I'm one of those mothers that think that everyone is obsessed with my child as I am, and I'm always talking about him whenever Mia and I have met, so she really wants to meet him. Geoff thinks it's a good idea.

Ewan I had a really hot night last night, as usual. We have decided that we are going to make an effort to go out and do more things together, instead of just sex all the time. It's going to be hard to keep our hands off each other, what with the way he makes me feel.

I think everything is going to be okay now. Geoff and I are getting on as well, if not better than ever, and he is no longer unsettled. All it took was us talking even more than we did before, and being honest with the way we feel. We also can't keep our hands off each other at the moment.:)

I feel so lucky to have the love that he and I share. What with that, and the more sexual side I get from Ewan, I feel very loved and lucky at the moment. I couldn't be happier.
 
I'm really glad you guys had a good time and it went smoothly!
 
I just want to chime in and say that when I was younger I dated a man with PE. He was so horribly embarrassed by it, but I never considered it a problem. He would ejaculate almost instantly the first time we had sex, each time we were together. But a little while later, he'd be ready to go again, and would last longer, and over time learned how to give me wonderful orgasms.

I appreciated his trust in me. I'm sure it's not easy to be open about sexual problems that tie so directly into one's self-worth as a lover. I believe that trust should be handled responsibly and tenderly, and I applaud you, Aurelie.
 
psychomia said:
I just want to chime in and say that when I was younger I dated a man with PE. He was so horribly embarrassed by it, but I never considered it a problem. He would ejaculate almost instantly the first time we had sex, each time we were together, but a little while later he'd be ready to go again, and would last longer, and over time learned how to give me wonderful orgasms.
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Y'know, when I was in my late teens and twenties, this was pretty much the norm with about every guy I was with. They would cum pretty quickly the first go-round, and we'd have a longer session for the next go-round. It was expected, no matter what age the guy was. I never minded the first time being a quickie, because I knew we'd do it again, and he'd last longer. It wasn't labeled as ED or PE or anything else back then (I'm talking from the late '70s thru the '80s). Those were the days before everything that was a regular part of life became known as a "syndrome." :rolleyes:
 
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That's fantastic that both your men have met and got on so well. You must be both relieved and happy. Well done.
 
I thought I would give you a bit of an update about how well things are going for us.

Geoff and I have met up twice more with Ewan and Mia, and we have brought Max with us both times. We all had a great night on both occasions. The men have got on really well together and there is no awkwardness between them. This is mainly down to the effort that Geoff has made. He is a people person, and Ewan is the type that is difficult to get to know, so you have to make an effort, and he really has.

Geoff likes Ewan, but Mia and he get on like a house on fire. Having the same sense of humour really helps. Mia is so, so cool. The more time I spend with her, the more I like and respect her.

She also has a knack of bringing Ewan out of his shell. Hopefully I can learn this from her, and it can help make my own relationship with him more rounded.

My son Max had met Ewan twice before. It was over year ago and Max didn't recall him at all. It doesn't surprise me. I think Ewan finds it difficult to relate to kids, the opposite of Geoff. Mia, on the other hand, has made a huge impression on Max. She wants to see more of both of us, and she will.:D

Geoff has seen me looking at this website, and as a result, has also read some of this thread. He's not happy that I have been so truthful about our business. He also says that I have made a big deal out of something, when there was no need to. He has also been a bit miffed about some of the posts, although he's not bothered by them. He just thinks that they don't relate to our own situation.

Anyway, I love him so much for the effort he has put in, to make something that was so important to me, so easy, when it might not have been.

I promise I will not worry so much now. I love you.;)

Also, I want to thank everyone for the interest you've shown and advice given.
 
How wonderful to hear that everything is turning out so well. :)
 
That's good to hear, Aurelie. It's interesting that you let Geoff read this post, and a relief that he wasn't upset by it. Maybe you could persuade him to post himself, so we might see things from his perspective. It's nice that the four of you get on so well. You seem to have the poly relationship that you wanted now. So happy for you.
 
Aurelie26 said:
Geoff has seen me looking at this website, and as a result, has also read some of this thread. He isn't happy about a few things. He is not that happy that I have been so truthful about our business. He says that I have made a big deal out of something, when there was no need to. He has also been a bit miffed about some of the posts...
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Out of curiosity, has he read all of the thread, or just bits and pieces? I'm not in his shoes, but if he can read this entire thing and come away without a profound sense of sadness, anger — okay, let's be honest — blood curdling rage, then he's a bigger man than I am.

Or perhaps just wired so entirely differently as to be rendered almost entirely unrecognizable, like one of those creatures made of light from Cocoon that Wilfred Brimley turned into, before selling diabetes supplies.:p
 
FigNewtonian said:
Out of curiosity, has he read all of the thread, or just bits and pieces? I'm not in his shoes, but if he can read this entire thing and come away without a profound sense of sadness, anger — ok, let's be honest — blood curdling rage, then he's a bigger man than I am. Or perhaps just wired so entirely differently as to be rendered almost entirely unrecognizable, like one of those creatures made of light from Cocoon that Wilfred Brimley turned into before selling diabetes supplies.
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She did mention in that same post you quoted that he was unhappy about several things she's revealed. Rage isn't the go-to response for everyone.
 
Arrowbound said:
She did mention in that same post you quoted that he was unhappy about several things she's revealed. Rage isn't the go-to response for everyone.
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Sure. I guess I was trying to get a sense for what he had been exposed to. Like I would be "miffed" if they screwed up the dry cleaning, left onions on my burger or my VCR clock was blinking 12:00 and it didn't record the season finale of Simon & Simon.

I'm just thinking there might be another level of emotional volatility for him when it comes to Ewan joking about Nathan being home with her kid while he pounds away at Aurelie.

I think, at the very least, it's a logical question. Rage isn't the go-to response for everyone, but it's one that most people understand. There's a reason why The Hulk was so popular in the Avengers movie.

If the dude had the staying power to go through the entire thread and walk away with only minor unpleasant feelings, more power to him.
 
I'm a bit confused by your question. In the part you quote, she does say he only read some of the thread, and that he was upset about it. You quote it and then ask if he read all of the thread without getting upset.
It seems you quoted your own answer before even asking the question.
 
Tonberry said:
I'm a bit confused by your question. In the part you quote, she does say he only read some of the thread, and that he was upset about it. You quote it and then ask if he read all of the thread without getting upset.
It seems you quoted your own answer before even asking the question.
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I believe it was "not happy" and "miffed" which to me communicates a certain threshold that I view as less than "upset" — which is kind of where I was going.

In his shoes, if only reading pre-chosen passages, or guided to less — let's go with the word "intense" — parts of the thread, one might walk away "not happy" or "miffed." I guess I'm wondering what his natural reaction would be to the totality of the information.

I probably should have just stated that at the outset — rather than merely asking questions designed to raise the question of whether the level of emotional response was directly in proportion to the amount and nature of information he had access to.
 
@FigNewtonian - I just imagine if her boyfriend has a problem and wants to post, or if a Aurelie wants to ask for further help, they'll do so. Processing (especially I think in poly) can happen really fast, and it's obvious that a TON of shit has happened and been processed since she originally posted two months ago. I guess I just feel that your questions are designed to try to rile him up or something? If he is fine enough with what he read, if not thrilled, I guess I'm just not sure why people would want to suggest he should be more upset. He's perfectly capable of choosing how to react.

They are now spending some time together and now that they all know each other, it seems unlikely that Ewan is sitting around joking about Geoff sitting at home while he "pounds his girlfriend" as you say, especially as Aurelie made it very clear to him awhile ago that she didn't appreciate it. She came back specifically here to give a positive update and stated that things are going well, shared her bf's feelings about the thread, but didn't mentioned a current issue that she is seeking advice for.
 
There are lots of posts and Geoff has not had time to read through them all, although I'm sure he will. There is nothing in my posts that I have not told him. He is annoyed that I have shared such personal details about him on this forum, without asking him first. He is not in a "blood-curdling rage," though. He is a calm person and he knows that I love him.

He is "miffed" by my thread, and my reasoning in it. I will let him explain why, if he decides to post himself. I have asked him to, and he says that he might.

If you do read this, Geoff, I know that I need to stop worrying, and I am trying. Love you. x
 
There are a lot of pages here, so I apologize if some of these have been addressed, but I read the first couple and then the last few...

1) Have you considered part of the problem is sounds like your BF is getting varied attached (dad to your son), part of the issues may be insecurities and wanting assurances that his emotional commitment isn't going to get dashed. Have you told him "The one thing I NEED is my boyfriend"... you really really want, and will feel as if something is missing if you have to lose your lover... but have you made it clear, you have very deep and important feeling to your BF. I personally have a 7 month old baby girl with my wife, though have an open relationship and would be very happy for her if she found somebody else that made her happy, and she enjoyed spending time with. Honestly if it was just her... I would miss her, but even be happier for her, if she found somebody 'more important' then me, and I saw her less if she was happy...

However, I would be very very hurt if she tried to pull our baby girl from my life. So while not 'his kid,' it does sound like in his heart, he might be starting to feel it is 'his kid,' and then worried about what the coming years will bring.

As to the sex, ask your boyfriend, which is better, Steak or Beer... (or two other things he really likes). Also why discussing what make 'the other one better' is rarely a good idea. When he is not asking that, point out how BF is better. Let him know how much you enjoy his consideration, the cuddle time, etc.

From the sounds of it, you want to grow old with your boyfriend and see him as a life partner. Have you let him know this?

If he feels that way, but is uncertain if you feel that way, that may be the root of his jealousy. Trying to let him know you want him as your SO for the rest of your life (if you do), but do enjoy and really hope you could continue your other relationship, might be the reassurance he needs.
 
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