My boyfriend is upset, can you overcome jealousy issues?

[Nathan]

Open relationships-- This is what Aurelie told me we would have when we first got together. It's also what I've told some of my friends I have. It was a hot topic of conversation amongst them for a while. They soon got bored when they realised that I was not going to tell them anything apart from that.

Aurelie is terrified that people will find out. Max saw his mum kissing Ewan, and asked me why she was doing that. What we have told him is that Mummy loves Ewan like she loves Daddy, but not as much. We didn't want to panic him. We have reassured him by telling him just how much his mum and I love each other, and that we both love him more than anything else, and that nothing is ever going to change that. He seems fine with what we told him, and he was not upset in any way.

He likes Mia a lot, and is starting to warm to Ewan, after he took him out and spoilt him. Aurelie wanted to tell Max that he has to keep all this to himself. I disagreed strongly with this. I don't want Max to keep secrets for us. If he tells someone, so what?

My parents love Aurelie. My mother may as well just move in with us. That's how much time she spends at our house. She doesn't come to see me, she comes to see them! Aurelie is afraid that Max will tell my parents about Ewan and Mia. I think he probably will. Aurelie fears that my parents will hate her if they know the truth. They won't. If they ask me about it, I will tell them what I told my friends, that Aurelie and I have an open relationship, and nothing else. The details are our business.

 

[Nathan]

Cuckolding has one very specific dynamic-- the husband being "forced" to watch another man "take" his wife. This doesn't fit for me, as I'm not being forced to watch anything. I want to.

My understanding of cuckolding is that the husband is forced to watch another man take his wife, and not in a good way. It's intended to wound emotionally.

Aurelie could not wound anyone, let alone anybody she loves, so this doesn't fit either. Aurelie is a beautiful person, kind and loving towards everyone she knows.

Cuckolding is about the humiliation of watching your SO with someone who is supposed to be able to satisfy better than you are. So, a man watching his wife with a guy with a much larger penis. The point is that you are humiliated.

This is a bit closer, I think. I am turned on by the fact that Aurelie is having sex with someone who is able to satisfy her better than me. I'm very turned on by Aurelie telling me that she can have 7, 8, 9, 10 orgasms when she is with Ewan, and telling me why he can give her this and I can't.

It does turn me on to think of them spending their nights together doing nothing but having sex. I'm not sure why this affects me the way it does. I am not that comfortable with these feelings. Most men would not feel this way. And yet, I cant deny that they are there, because they are.

I'm not humiliated by it, though. I don't want to be humiliated, whether it be as a fantasy or in reality, and I know that Aurelie would never do that do me. She's lovely.

He was turned on by me talking about how Ewan had a bigger dick, and how he lasts longer, and how he gives me more orgasms. Why? He says that it turns him on to think of me getting that much pleasure.

I was turned on, babe, but you should admit that it also turns you on. I know you like teasing me in that fun way.

 

[Nathan]

I don't think it's that important to label things though. The most important thing is that Aurelie gets all the love that she needs and wants.

It is important that Ewan, Mia and I make her feel as secure as we can, and encourage her to ask for what she wants from us, and that we all support each other.

I've been thinking about what he said about me feeling guilty. We have been talking about it. I do feel guilt, but I think the bigger problem I have is one of fear. I'm scared of losing Nathan! It makes me very unhappy to think of us not being together. I love him so much, and want us to be together always, and yet having a relationship with another man is not the best way to keep him, is it?

We are always going to be together, baby. You and I are perfect together. Don't be such a worrier. We're having a great time, aren't we?

Remember what I said about our safety nets. Yours is that you know that you are the only girl for me. I'm not interested in anyone else but you. You posted about how it would upset you to think about or see me touching anyone else the way I touch you. You don't have to worry. You know that won't happen. If at any time I'm unhappy, I promise to tell you, and we will make it right together.

My safety net is the fact that I know that in the unlikely event that I could not continue with things the way they are, you would make sure that it was just you, me and Max. I trust you and love you. I also love what we are sharing with Mia and Ewan. It feels right.

 

[Arrowbound]

It does turn me on to think of them spending their nights together doing nothing but having sex. I'm not sure why this effects me the way it does. I am not that comfortable with these feelings. Most men would not feel this way, and yet I cant deny they are there...

I actually don't think that's the case. I think there are plenty of men who are voyeurs, but since there seems to be negative thoughts associated with that form of arousal, they may not be as comfortable expressing how they feel. It's probably why I myself was taken aback when my SO informed me he'd enjoy seeing me with another man, because it's uncommon to hear in passing or personally from the average guy.

 

[Tonberry]

I've actually heard that from several partners, and I haven't had that many partners! I believe it's a similar feeling to watching your partner masturbate. Yes, another person is involved, but if you're not jealous, it only means more things can happen. And sometimes you just feel like watching. Maybe you want the option to join in, but maybe you also want the option to sit out and just enjoy.

 

[Arrowbound]

That's interesting. That's probably how he would describe it too. He just likes watching people have sex in general (moreso in person), so I've realized that him watching me have sex would be no different.

 

[Brid75]

My only suggestion is to start a new thread as you move forward, with a happier title, because this one doesn't apply anymore!

Nathan, I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy reading your posts. I think it's great that you give your consent to Aurelie loving and having a sexual relationship with another man. It's even better that you seem to be doing everything you can to make her feel okay and secure about it, but also loved and adored by you. It's beautiful to read. Aurelie said that it was your idea to try and integrate her two relationships, and also your idea to allow her lover to take your son out for the day. I think that is very commendable of you, and shows that you have great self confidence.

I agree that you should not label yourself. Just enjoy this tribe you are trying to create. I think it's cute that you want to watch Aurelie with Ewan, and I hope that you all enjoy it. As long as Aurelie is comfortable with it, you should not feel uncomfortable about being turned on by the fact that Aurelie has such a great time sexually with Ewan. You have a kink, that's all. Most people do. It won't hurt your tribe; it will help it.

I have said that Aurelie's love for you shines through all her posts, and I also think your love for her and Max shines brightly through yours.

Aurelie, I agree with NYCindie's point above. I think you have it good, and that your relationship with Nathan is a very secure, strong and loving one. Going by both of your posts, everyone in your tribe is making an effort to make sure you are feeling as loved, secure, and sexually satisfied as possible, and that is a beautiful thing.

 

[Nathan]

Everyone in your tribe is making an effort to make sure you are feeling as loved, secure, and sexually satisfied as possible, and that is a beautiful thing.

Yes, we are, and our beautiful girl deserves it. x

 

[Aurelie26]

Last night we finally got around to allowing Nathan to watch Ewan and me having sex. It's something I've been putting off because I wasn't 100% sure about it.

It was awesome. I have to admit I found it to be very erotic, and a big turn-on for me to have Nathan watching us. Ewan was also very into it. I could tell.

I asked him not to do certain things. Anything that came close to BDSM was off limits. Ewan said that he would never dream of doing that stuff to me with Nathan there anyway, and he didn't, although he was his usual self otherwise. He was in no way shy about Nathan being there. In fact, he seemed to up his performance.

I was uncertain if I would be able to relax enough to give Nathan what he wanted, but after a bit of a nervous start, Ewan got me into it, as he always does. Even though Nathan was there, we just fucked as we normally do, with the added turn-on of Nathan watching. Nathan said he wanted to see me have multiple orgasms, and I'm happy that we was relaxed enough for Ewan to give them to me.

We let him watch us for the night. I thought it make be awkward for the three of us while Ewan and I weren't fucking, but it wasn't, because I just went to Nathan and cuddled with him, and when Ewan was ready again, I went back to him. Like I said, I have to admit that it was a massive thrill for me, far more than I would have ever thought it was going to be.

Nathan has said that he is still processing all the different thoughts and emotions that he is feeling as a result of this.

He was very turned on last night. When Ewan and I were done, Nathan took me home. We had never made love after I was with Ewan, but last night we did. We both wanted to. Nathan was so turned on that he came quickly. This doesn't happen very often now. I still think it's so cute when it does. We waited a bit, and then we made love the way we do. It was really beautiful.

Everything is very good right now. Nathan is right when he says that I have nothing to worry about. The four off us are very comfortable in each other's company. It's so nice. I'm very happy. I think I'll leave this thread here.

 

[Arrowbound]

I definitely think the next time you post you should start your own blog, Aurelie. You all have come a long way since the OP.

 

[SWDH]

Wonderful!

Last night we finally got around to allowing Nathan to watch Ewan and me have sex. It's something I've been putting off because I wasn't 100% sure about it. It was awesome, and I have to admit I found it to be very erotic, and a big turn-on for me to have Nathan watching us. Ewan was also very into it.

Thank you so much for your post, Aurelie. I was really interested in knowing how your experience came out (and I don’t mind at all finding your continuing posts in this thread).

Having been through this very experience, I can say what you now know: imagination cannot get to the reality of how intense this is. The bravery of both of you to go through with this is what opens doors to profound possibilities between you. I was sure Nathan would struggle with certain feelings, and discover, perhaps to his dismay, some of the toughest ones are also the most erotic. That appears to have happened; it sure did for me. I was also sure you would experience something that was much more intense than you would have thought.

From my own experience, I believe this is all going to turn out to be very positive for both of you. The key I think is to accept your own feelings; the deeply erotic hides in deeply stuffed desires for unfamiliar dynamics, mainly relating to power exchange. And when we can finally say to ourselves and our partner, frankly, without fear, but with trust, “I like what this does to you," and “I want you to make me feel this way again, as hard as it is," then we don’t need to know why, and we don’t need to tag names to any of it to make it real, because the richness of this journey is only found in the journey itself for the two of you.

As for Nathan, I can say from personal experience that a key is to understand that being in this position, and enduring the feelings, is not inflicted but is a choice, and one that he cannot make without great reserves of personal confidence.

I wear my position in my relationship like a badge of honor.

As for the close friends who ask me how I can put myself in this position, I assure them it is a unique experience, and I desire it and choose it, and that it takes strength, not weakness, to open myself to the erotic/relationship growth that comes with the struggles I go through as part of it.

I hope to hear how things are going with you both from here.

 

[Rjsolo]

Sorry, I know this is an old thread. I'm new to the site and wanted to post my thoughts in case Aurelie and Nathan still read. I have kind of a unique perspective, because I've actually done a lot of research into cuckolding, for various reasons that I'm sure I will post here later. But I've been on both ends of the issue.

First off, cuckolding is associated with the more extreme version of the kink, in the same way BDSM is associated with whips, chains and dungeons--even though anyone who is actually into BDSM knows it has a massive range. But it's always the most extreme end of the kink that gets publicized, because, lets face it, "vanilla" isn't news!

That being said, cuckolding has a massive range. It's basic definition is an unfaithful wife. However, in terms of a kink, most would classify it as a woman fucking other men because they can satisfy her better than her official male partner can. It does not have to include direct humiliation, or even a men that is completely unable to satisfy his wife/partner. (Many cuckold wives are married to great lovers, as it sounds like Aurelia is.)

It also does not mean the wife has to be dominant with the husband, or humiliate him directly. Often times, in fact, the teasing is done simply by emphasizing how good the lover is, without really mentioning the shortcomings of the husband at all. And the husband's enjoyment is derived from watching his wife be provided for in a way he can't. (But many husbands remain perfectly confident because they know their lovemaking fills another niche.)

It's actually very rare, in my experience (which is limited, mind you--but I've talked with many), for the lover/bull to ever eclipse the husband as a lover completely. Usually it's purely a physical thing, and the husband, rather than being humiliated or objecting to it, finds fulfillment in his wife getting what she needs. In many swinging lifestyles, it's like getting her a giant toy.

Of course it's very different in a poly-cuckolding case, like this one, where feelings and love are involved (which is actually why I'm here, but I'll make my own thread.) But the principles are the same. The "C" word doesn't have to mean the man is a sissy, or anything of the sort. All cuckolding implies is there is a sexual niche, which can be broad, like penetration from a bigger cock, or a more physical lover, that the primary lover doesn't perform as well as the bull. But that's it. Sometimes there is no humiliation involved at all.

(I know that's difficult to understand, but try explaining how there is no jealousy to a monogamous person.)

I's simply a fact that the lover is better, and the husband gets off knowing his wife is being taken care of in this way.

Anyway, I just wanted to add my $.02. I was very happy to see the growth of your relationship, Aurelia and Nathan. It's a great kink to discover. I hope you two find the level of play you both like. Don't let the semantics get you bogged down. The "C" word is what you make of it.