How common is it for guys in poly relationships to be their girl's primary in every way but one? (cuckold discussion)

[Gingy]

Sometimes it's just like that

I can't speak from experience as I don't have kids, but I've heard that sometimes married couples fall into the role of domestic partners. They see each other more in the role of parent, reliable provider, etc., and over time grow apart a bit sexually. As long as you both enjoy your marriage, and get the sexual satisfaction you need with no one's feelings being hurt, it makes perfect sense to me. As for not being upset, that makes sense to me too. My fiance considers all of my random sexcapades to be hot, and doesn't seem to have a jealous bone in his body.

 

[Aurelie26]

I can't speak from experience as I don't have kids, but I've heard that sometimes married couples fall into the role of domestic partners. They see each other more in the role of parent, reliable provider, etc, and over time grow apart a bit sexually.

I see Nathan as all of that and more, and we haven't grown apart sexually. I love the sexual side of our relationship.

 

[threesnocrowd]

Hey Nathan, you're a boss. You are in a wonderful situation and relationship. This is from a guy who's married and looking for a man like your metamour for his wife. There is no greater turn on. I think lots of men are afraid to admit it and lots of women are too. You're honest. So hats off to you, my friend. I wish we could get a beer together!

 

[Nathan]

Hey Nathan, you're a boss. You are in a wonderful situation and relationship. This is from a guy who's married and looking for a man like your metamour for his wife. There is no greater turn on. I think lots of men are afraid to admit it, and lots of women are too. You're honest. So hats off to you, my friend. I wish we could get a beer together!

Thanks. I agree there is no greater turn-on, at least for me. Good luck in finding a metamour for your wife. I would look for a guy who is much better endowed than you, and also more skilful at making your wife orgasm. That's what turns me on so much. I dont know why, it just does.

 

[Rjsolo]

I replied to your first thread, I suppose I should have put it here. But it looks like you guys have it worked out. In that thread, I was just explaining that cuckolding, like BDSM, has a massive range in terms of what's done. But like BDSM is famous for it's whips, masks and dungeons--even though the play can be much subtler, cuckolding is known for it's extreme humiliation, even though there are aspects of it within the cuckolding community that are far, far tamer.

Most people think the guy has to be a "sissy" or a "bitch" to enjoy it. But the reality is that there only really has to be an acknowledgement that the "bull" fulfills a need the husband "can't" or won't. This can range from the extreme where the wife tells the cuckold he's completely inadequate and she can't get off with him, to the mild where the wife just wants someone with a higher libido. Most times it falls in between, where the bull is somewhat better endowed and is in general, overall a better sexual partner (though not an overall better partner).

How couples handle their relationship side also varies widely. Some couples do not humiliate the husband at all, but they only "cuddle" or get sex acts like hand jobs, while the bulk of the intercourse is reserved for the bull. Others have sex like rabbits, and the bull comes over once a week for the "cherry on top". Some even get more kinky, and the husband has to wear a condom, while the bull is allowed to go bareback. (For many cucks, the bull leaving his "card" behind is a huge turn on.) And this can all be done with added "teasing" or humiliation or without. Some couples let the sex acts and less sex with the husband kind of speak for itself (In terms of teasing, the wife simply showing she takes the bull first is more than enough) others do some mild verbal teasing and still others can get extreme with chastity belts and the whole 9 yards (Though I find this is as rare as a full dungeon set up for BDSM people.)

Again, it's such a massive range that labeling it all under cuckoldry can be confusing and it leads to getting defensive about a kink that's so varied that I'm willing to bet most poly people cross into it without even knowing. (And vice versa. Most cucks cross into poly lifestyles on many levels.) The moment it's brought up, people associate the most extreme versions of it, which will instantly put most men on the defensive, with good reason; it's like trying full-suit bondage someone who might only like a light spanking.

Anyway, it's great you three have found your comfort zone, and I hope you keep exploring it.

 

[Nathan]

I replied to your first thread, I suppose I should have put it here. But it looks like you guys have it worked out. In that thread, I was just explaining that Cuckolding, like BDSM, has a massive range in terms of what's done. Cuckolding is known for it's extreme humiliation, even though there are aspects of it within the cuckolding community that are far, far tamer.

I agree, cuckolding can have all sorts of different meanings for different people. A few posters discussed this at length in one of Aurelie's threads, and came to all sorts of conclusions.

We do have that dynamic in our relationship. It is language that we use. However, it does not go beyond the bedroom. It is a sex thing only, but yes, I am her cuckold, and Ewan is her Bull/Stud/Dom. I actually now think it is a natural thing for a woman to do, if her partner is not meeting all/any of her sexual needs. It works well, and the three of us are happy with it! It's fun.

Most people think the guy has to be a "sissy" or a "bitch" to enjoy it.

Well, neither of those things apply to me, although some guys are into that.

But the reality is that there only really has to be an acknowledgement that the "bull" fulfills a need the husband "can't" or won't. This can range from the extreme where the wife tells the cuckold he's completely inadequate and she can't get off with him, to the mild where the wife just wants someone with a higher libido. Most times it falls in between. Where the bull is somewhat better endowed and is in general, overall a better sexual partner (Though not a better overall partner)

Can't or won't? Well for us, a bit of both. I won't fufill her BDSM needs, although Ewan definitely does. I can't satisfy her sexually like he does, even if I wanted to. Ewan is much better endowed (he's huge, and that turns her on) and also a better sexual partner. Aurelie and I are gentle and loving together, and it's good. Ewan is forceful, which she prefers, and he can make her orgasm through penetration, and I can't. That means a lot to her. I guess a lot of guys would have a problem admitting that another guy is better for his girl sexually. I just don't! They are amazing together, and he is able to bring out the best of her sexual side.

How couples handle their relationship side also varies widely. Some couples do not humiliate the husband at all, but they only "cuddle" or do tertiary sex acts (Like hand jobs), while the bulk of the actual sex is reserved for the bull. While others have sex like rabbits, and the bull comes over once a week for the "cherry on top". Some even get more kinky and husband has to wear a condom while the bull is allowed to go bareback. (For many cucks, the bull leaving his "card" behind is a huge turn on.) And this can all be done with added "teasing" or humiliation or without. Some couples let the sex acts and less sex with the husband kind of speak for itself (In terms of teasing, the wife simply showing she takes the bull first is more than enough) others do some mild verbal teasing and still others can get extreme with chastity belts and the whole 9 yards

The only humiliation that happens is the pretend type. For example, sometimes, not often, but every now and then, I watch them. Aurelie loves this now. She loves having me there. Anyway, before they start, she will often jerk me off and make me cum very quickly, while Ewan watches! Then they will rut for what seems like ages! It's roleplay, but it's based in fact.

They no longer have set nights. The four of us are quite integrated now. Ewan comes around when he wants to, or when Aurelie wants him. We still make love a lot though, but if Ewan has been around, Aurelie and I very rarely make love after, although we do sex acts like oral, and she often teases me when we do this, in a fun loving way. Aurelie loves it, and so do I.

I don't wear a condom and neither does Ewan. I don't mind, but this doesn't do anything for me, although going by the things he says, he does get off on it, I think. We cuddle a lot. She gets her affection from me. When she and Ewan have finished, she comes to me, and I just hold her. We both agree that the love that flows between the two of us at these times is the most intense love either of us have ever felt.

 

[Nathan]

It's really about making her feel as loved and secure as we can. She is a beautiful and loving person who worries about people and our situation.

Both Ewan and I work at letting her know how loved she is, and that she can have what she wants. What she has wanted is what she has now. She is content and very happy, and we intend to keep her that way.

 

[Rjsolo]

What it is really about is making her feel as loved and secure as we can make her. She is a beautiful and loving person who worries about people and our situation.

Both Scott and I work at letting her know how loved she is, and that she can have what she wants. What she has wanted, is what she has now. She is content and very happy, and we intend to keep her that way.

That's wonderful. I think when you get through all the "kink" in cuckolding, this is the statement you'll find with most serious partners. It's just a situation where the husband devotes himself to the wife's happiness, and he derives a great deal of enjoyment from that. Peel back the theatrics and little things, and it's a very basic set of principles.

I'm going through the same relationship now. We originally started as both seeing others, but then we stopped once we got serious in our professional lives. (We have 2 children from her previous marriage as well, makes it hard to go out and be kinky.) But recently, she let me know that she has been missing it, especially the more aggressive/dominant tendencies of her ex.

However, I had not been missing other women, and so we kind of fell into a cuckolding dynamic. And I'm more fulfilled by it then when I used to see other women. It's wonderful watching her get what she needs, and then being there for her afterwords, in the way that we connect (emotionally). I'd be lying if I said it was not extremely arousing to see the differences between what I can do and what her lover can. We incorporate that play into our play while we're lying together afterwards, usually performing just oral or digital sex acts. She jokes she is too tired and sore after him, which drives me wild.

But in any case, yes, it's great that, in the end, it's all for her happiness. And if this lifestyle works for you, the cuck, I feel, derives a huge amount of satisfaction from being the one to "give" here, even if he doesn't do a lot of the kink/humiliation aspects.

 

[IndieSolo]

Rjsolo, your posts are so illuminating and interesting! Thank you for sharing so much insight.

Nathan, glad to hear from you again, and it's nice to know you guys are are still together and have grown and evolved into a situation where everyone is happy and Aurelie isn't worried as much about you. It sounds like she has gained confidence from the experience.

 

[Rjsolo]

Rjsolo, your posts are so illuminating and interesting! Thank you for sharing so much insight.

Thank you. I'm free to answer any questions someone might have. I very much enjoy the lifestyle, but I almost *never* talk about it, because it's very misunderstood. People always assume the husband is going to be wearing panties and tied up in the corner--and I can say that such a thing is as rare as full-on dungeons for BDSM people. And most guys would be annoyed if anything of the like was even suggested.

For me, personally, it's a very relativistic "submission" scenario. Yes, there is a good deal of teasing and mild humiliation at being subtly compared to a more aggressive and perhaps physically better-endowed lover. But the part of the relationship most don't expect is in just about every other aspect of our life, even in terms of sex when her lover isn't around, she is very submissive to me. (It's a pretty complex situation. I don't want to drown anyone in details of a kink unless they wish to discuss it--just using myself as an example.) And, on the whole, I'm not at all "effeminate", even if I am more emotionally "in touch" with her (Not that there is *anything* wrong with guys who are. More power to whatever makes you happy.)

Anyway, the big reason I like discussing it with other polys is that I find that people who would enjoy playing with the more subtle aspects of it don't ever talk about it, because the theatrics of the extremes on the internet scare them off. A lot of the time, ironically, partners who don't want to discuss it are the wives who live in this situation, but they think their guy is all of a sudden going to appear in a dress, or worse, that he's going to get hurt by it all, when really, all he might be looking for is a little dirty talk about her dates and how "thrilling" they were, and is usually secure enough about himself that he knows this type of play isn't threatening to what they already have--rather it's building something new for her (not unlike the broader concept of poly).

Nathan and Aura's start mirrored ours, and that of at least a few other couples that I know. So I have to believe it's a pretty common thing among mono-poly couples.

 

[Nathan]

Nathan, I'm glad to hear from you again, and it's nice to know you guys are are still together and have grown and evolved into a situation where everyone is happy and Aurelie isn't worried as much about you. It sounds like she has gained confidence from the experience.

Thanks, NYCindie. Yes, Aurelie does have a lot more confidence in telling us what she wants. And what she asks for, she usually gets. haha. She is also much more secure and gets less worried about hurting me, or us breaking up at some point. She loves what she has now, and is very happy at the moment.

Anyway, I hope you have a nice Christmas.

 

[Nathan]

I think when you get through all the "kink" in cuckolding, this is the statement you'll find with most serious partners. It's just a situation where the husband devotes himself to the wife's happiness, and he derives a great deal of enjoyment from that. Peel back the theatrics and little things, and it's a very basic set of principles.

That's right, Rjsolo. The most important thing to me is that she is as happy as she can possibly be. Her happiness is more important to me than my own. I think this is a common theme for cuckolds. They put their woman's wants and needs first.

I'm going through the same relationship now. We originally started as both seeing others, but then we stopped once we got serious in our professional lives (We have 2 children from her previous marriage as well, makes it hard to go out and be kinky.) But recently, she let me know that she has been missing it, especially the more aggressive/dominant tendencies of her ex.

Well, I wish you the best of luck, and I hope it goes as well for the three of you, as it has gone for us. I don't think that it would be an easy thing for most couples. I believe that you have to have a lot of confidence in your own love, and in your day-to-day relationship. Our relationship is very solid. Is the Bull the father of the two children?

I have not been missing other women. So we kind of fell into a cuckolding dynamic. I'm more fulfilled by it then when I used to see other women. It's wonderful watching her get what she needs, and then being there for her afterwards, in the way that we connect... It's arousing to see the differences between what I can do and what her lover can, and we incorporate that play into our play while we're lying together. She jokes she is too tired and sore after him.

Aurelie and I have agreed that I will never see any other woman; that I am for her, and her alone. To be honest, I never wanted to, but by making it clear between the two of us, that I am her cuckold, she has relaxed about our future a lot more, and is able to express herself in her role of a cuckoldress, which she very much enjoys.

I know why she enjoys that role, but will not put words in her mouth.

Like you, I enjoy watching her get what she needs sexually. Even just knowing that she is getting it is enough. Holding her afterwards is what I like best about it. We incorporate what she and Ewan do into our own play. As with you, this is done when she is teasing me and toying with me after they have had sex.

Scott does exhaust her. They don't do quick sex.

We have found that 100% honesty between us is a must.

 

[Nathan]

Thank you. I'm free to answer any questions someone might have. I very much enjoy the lifestyle, but I almost never talk about it, because it's very misunderstood. People always assume the husband is going to be wearing panties and tied up in the corner--and I can say that such a thing is as rare as full-on dungeons for BDSM people. And most guys would be annoyed if anything of the like were even suggested.

I think people may think that it makes you less of a man, or that you're not man enough for your girl. I don't mind that talk in a sexual situation, when it's a turn-on for me. If not having a huge cock, not being able to go for however long you like, being a dom, and an aggressive person sexually makes me less of a man, than I am! However, I know that I am all man, and have enough confidence in myself to not be concerned about such things. The truth is, very few men could perform sexually like Ewan does. He is better at sex than I am. It's not that big a deal.

For me, personally, it's a very relativistic "submission" scenario. Yes, there is a good deal of teasing and mild humiliation at being subtly compared to a more aggressive and perhaps physically better-endowed lover. But the part of the relationship most don't expect is in just about every other aspect of our life, even in terms of sex when her lover isn't around, she is very submissive to me. (It's a pretty complex situation. I don't want to drown anyone in details of a kink unless they wish to discuss it--just using myself as an example.) And, on the whole, I'm not at all "effeminate", even if I am more emotionally "in touch" with her (Not that there is anything wrong with guys who are. More power to whatever makes you happy.)

I am always submissive to Aurelie when it comes to sex. I think this is borne out of how that sexual relationship started, and how her love and compassion helped me deal with my PE problem. I also think that the fact that she has such control over when I cum also has a lot to do with it. Emotionally we are so very close, and this adds to how we make love. Ewan is not in anyway an emotional or affectionate person, although he does try sometimes.

Anyway, the big reason I like discussing it with other polys is that sometimes I find the situation and people that would enjoy playing the more subtle aspects of it, don't ever talk about it because the theatrics of the extremes on the internet scare them off. A lot of the times, ironically, partners who don't want to discuss it are the wives who live in this situation, but they think their guy is all the sudden going to appear in a dress or worse, that he's going to get hurt by it all. When really all he might be looking for is a little dirty talk about her dates and how "thrilling" they were, and is usually secure enough about himself that he knows this type of play isn't threatening to what they already have--rather it's building something new for her (Not unlike the broader concept of poly.) Nathan and Aura's start mirrored ours, and at least a few other couples that I know--so I have to believe it's a pretty common thing among mono-poly couples.

The word cuckold is just a label. You're right, I think it is very common in mono-poly couples. I think that there are a lot of girls in poly that prefer having sex with their secondary, but just choose not to say it, or compare it to, or label it as cuckolding, which is fine. It doesn't matter.

For us, our relationship has been helped by frank honesty. Our love is more intense now than it has ever been, and the four of us get on great, which undoubtably helps.

Merry Xmas to you.