I'd like to start off by saying I apologize in advance for this potentially long wall of text. I have a lot to say, a lot of questions, and a lot of worries.
My fiance and I are long distance. He lives a state away from me, with his "ex" (our girlfriend now), his two children by her, and her family. Naturally, this has always been a precarious situation, even when we were monogamous together.
However, things happened, and when he threw out the suggestion during idle conversation, I took the bait. I'm an open-minded young woman, and apt to pleasing my fiance. I love him, adore him. He's my soul-mate, as silly as that sounds.
That being said, I was apprehensive about the idea as a whole, because I am a very jealous person. Not so much now that I'm older, but I am paranoid. I gave it one whole week to consider all the angles and details of it, and spoke about it with him. He's only really ever been in poly relationships. He answered the questions I had.
Of course, I said yes. We're not very long into our new poly relationship. Maybe 5 days? It feels a lot longer. I had a lot of issues in the beginning days, and managed to eradicate most of them in 5 days, proving I'm more than capable of doing this. However, it's very hard. I cannot see him yet. We'll be moving in with one another in a few months.
It's difficult to see him and our girlfriend kiss, hug, touch, do sexual things etc., while I sit there at a computer, unable to join. It makes me feel like the third wheel, honestly, even though I know I'm not, as he's told me multiple times. Surely this makes the situation that much more difficult, right?
Furthermore, I'm deathly afraid of him losing interest in me and gaining interest in her, after everything I've put in and all the effort. How do I stop feeling that way? Deep down, I know he'd never do that to me. I know he wouldn't leave me, or lose interest, but I'm so scared. I'm scared he'll fall deeper in love with her (again) than he is with me. How do I stop feeling this way?
I have set 2 rules. I hope this community understands the primacy of them. He doesn't like them. They are temporary, of course.
1. No sex with her until I move in with them. I'm a virgin. It's important to me to be the first one he makes love to in the X amount of time we've been together. Besides that, it just means something to me. It's a lot to ask, but she's fine with it. He has an issue, however. But, in my defense once more, she's been able to have two children with him, and sleep alone in the same bed with him for years and years, and have sex with him solo for years and years.
2. When we are living together, I'd like to have more opportunity to sleep with him, and be alone with him. He and I will be getting married, and I feel like I should have this privilege, at least temporarily.
I'd do anything for him, even things outside of my comfort zone. I just want to make him happy. Always. With every move I make. I feel as though, however, he wants me to be instantaneously comfortable with this, and not have insecurities at all. I hate disappointing him, and making him not proud of me. I just feel what I'm saying yes to and approving isn't good enough. It isn't to be a Nazi bitch. It's just to make things go smoother, so I don't say yes, then bawl 5 seconds later.
My fiance and I are on Skype 24/7, save for smoking breaks, bathroom breaks, and random errands. Always on cam, always together.
We sleep on Skype as well lately, all 3 of us. We do things that aren't outside of my comfort zone. I'm still building myself up to being okay with seeing certain mouth-related things. (wink wink)
I have no issue at all with our girlfriend. She's lovely, pretty, funny and caring. She and I are quite fond of one another, which is good. I'm just so severely jealous of what she gets to do with him right now, while I sit in my desk chair sulking.
So, with all that being said, I need advice or helpful hints on what I seem to be missing or whatever.
I really really REALLY want this to work out. I love my fiance with all my heart and would love to have a big family with him, with our now mutual girlfriend and their kids. The idea bothered me a bit at first, but now I'm just excited. But I can't get past my hang-ups, and periodically he just doesn't seem to understand how difficult it is to be over the computer while they watch. He's beginning to find answering my questions, sating my insecurities, rather annoying. I have the insistent desire to be his favorite. Is that wrong, to want to be the favorite, or the "alpha female"?
Thank you. Thank you. Please help.
My fiance and I are long distance. He lives a state away from me, with his "ex" (our girlfriend now), his two children by her, and her family. Naturally, this has always been a precarious situation, even when we were monogamous together.
However, things happened, and when he threw out the suggestion during idle conversation, I took the bait. I'm an open-minded young woman, and apt to pleasing my fiance. I love him, adore him. He's my soul-mate, as silly as that sounds.
That being said, I was apprehensive about the idea as a whole, because I am a very jealous person. Not so much now that I'm older, but I am paranoid. I gave it one whole week to consider all the angles and details of it, and spoke about it with him. He's only really ever been in poly relationships. He answered the questions I had.
Of course, I said yes. We're not very long into our new poly relationship. Maybe 5 days? It feels a lot longer. I had a lot of issues in the beginning days, and managed to eradicate most of them in 5 days, proving I'm more than capable of doing this. However, it's very hard. I cannot see him yet. We'll be moving in with one another in a few months.
It's difficult to see him and our girlfriend kiss, hug, touch, do sexual things etc., while I sit there at a computer, unable to join. It makes me feel like the third wheel, honestly, even though I know I'm not, as he's told me multiple times. Surely this makes the situation that much more difficult, right?
Furthermore, I'm deathly afraid of him losing interest in me and gaining interest in her, after everything I've put in and all the effort. How do I stop feeling that way? Deep down, I know he'd never do that to me. I know he wouldn't leave me, or lose interest, but I'm so scared. I'm scared he'll fall deeper in love with her (again) than he is with me. How do I stop feeling this way?
I have set 2 rules. I hope this community understands the primacy of them. He doesn't like them. They are temporary, of course.
1. No sex with her until I move in with them. I'm a virgin. It's important to me to be the first one he makes love to in the X amount of time we've been together. Besides that, it just means something to me. It's a lot to ask, but she's fine with it. He has an issue, however. But, in my defense once more, she's been able to have two children with him, and sleep alone in the same bed with him for years and years, and have sex with him solo for years and years.
2. When we are living together, I'd like to have more opportunity to sleep with him, and be alone with him. He and I will be getting married, and I feel like I should have this privilege, at least temporarily.
I'd do anything for him, even things outside of my comfort zone. I just want to make him happy. Always. With every move I make. I feel as though, however, he wants me to be instantaneously comfortable with this, and not have insecurities at all. I hate disappointing him, and making him not proud of me. I just feel what I'm saying yes to and approving isn't good enough. It isn't to be a Nazi bitch. It's just to make things go smoother, so I don't say yes, then bawl 5 seconds later.
My fiance and I are on Skype 24/7, save for smoking breaks, bathroom breaks, and random errands. Always on cam, always together.
We sleep on Skype as well lately, all 3 of us. We do things that aren't outside of my comfort zone. I'm still building myself up to being okay with seeing certain mouth-related things. (wink wink)
I have no issue at all with our girlfriend. She's lovely, pretty, funny and caring. She and I are quite fond of one another, which is good. I'm just so severely jealous of what she gets to do with him right now, while I sit in my desk chair sulking.
So, with all that being said, I need advice or helpful hints on what I seem to be missing or whatever.
I really really REALLY want this to work out. I love my fiance with all my heart and would love to have a big family with him, with our now mutual girlfriend and their kids. The idea bothered me a bit at first, but now I'm just excited. But I can't get past my hang-ups, and periodically he just doesn't seem to understand how difficult it is to be over the computer while they watch. He's beginning to find answering my questions, sating my insecurities, rather annoying. I have the insistent desire to be his favorite. Is that wrong, to want to be the favorite, or the "alpha female"?
Thank you. Thank you. Please help.
