Feeling like the third wheel

They are making your womb comfortable, not you. All they care about is your womb and its baby-making capabilities. They don't want you to be uspet or unhappy because then you might leave and take your womb with you.

Ask the friend who has a place for you to stay to send you some cash to get there. But didn't you say you work? Is your paycheck direct deposited to their bank account or something? If it is, change that right away!

Why can't you take your whole next paycheck and split? Geez, woman, think! Use your brain.
 
They are just trying to keep you happy enough that you won't leave. You know, like abusers who buy something for the person they are abusing to keep their silence and so they will allow the abuse to continue.

GTFO
 
That couple you are mixed up with are using sweet words, displays of affection, and gestures as a way to bait you and convince you that they looooove you. Honey, they love your uterus and your ability to produce a child. They do not love you as a person. I guarantee if you bail on the plans to pop a baby out, they will turn on you. Kitty, I challenge you to tell them that you are not going to have a baby.

If you are still getting it on with the husband, are you at least on birth control? If not, I think you should get on it and not tell them. It is not uncommon for people to tamper with birth control and barrier methods as a way to force a pregnancy. Poking holes in condoms. Changing the birth control pills to something else. Might I suggest an IUD, or an implant like Implanon/Nexplanon, or another implant that goes in your arm?
 
What FoL said about challenging you to tell them you changed your mind about having a baby-- instead, tell them you just found out you can't get pregnant. Pick any condition that can make you infertile. PCOS is a good one. Say you just got a checkup and they found it. Act really distraught about it. See how they run.

Yes, some people will complain this is dishonest. But you wouldn't be dishonest with yourself. If they pass the "test" by saying, "That's okay, we love you for you," then that's ok. But that doesn't mean you should say "Just kidding" until they show you.
 
FoL, i am surprised at you. You are a physician, no? You are educated and have some exposure to things that are not necessarily part of your everyday routine? With that in mind, have you ever seen how birth control pills come? They come in distinctively-shaped, sealed foil-and-plastic blister-packs, and depending on the formulation, the pills for various days can even be in different colors (not the placebos only). So, in order for someone else to change the pills and have the woman not notice, she would have to be so dumb or disoriented that she would not notice "hey, why are all of these pills punched out and put back in the package", or the person switching them would have to have access to the kind of equipment the drug companies use to package and seal the same exact product.

I could never understand this whole "switched the birth control pills" thing, as it makes absolutely no sense in reality.
 
Sorry about the extra post, it's easier than editing on the iPod.

One more thing-- fuck implants. Just get a Depo-Provera shot every three months.

I am going to guess that Kitty doesn't have insurance that will pay for these more reliable forms of contraceptives, and is limited to methods that are available without prescription.
 
BoringGuy said:
Fuck implants. Just get a Depo-Provera shot every three months.

I am going to guess that Kitty doesn't have insurance that will pay for these more reliable forms of contraceptives, and is limited to methods that are available without prescription.
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There are free and/or sliding scale family-planning clinics everywhere.
 
Dagferi said:
There are free and or sliding scale family planning clinics everywhere.
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Well spank my ass and call me Sally, who'da thunk it!

So much for the "can't afford it".
 
I can only have certain BC, due to migraines. Also, we agreed upon no BC, so personally, I am not putting my reproductive organs through hell. I don't believe in using BC either.
 
kittenkittykat said:
I can only have certain BC due to migraines. Also, we agreed upon no BC. I am not putting my reproductive organs through hell. I don't believe in using BC either.
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Well, there you go! You definitely know what you want!

By the way, if you think birth control "puts your reproductive organs through hell," just wait until you see what having a baby does to them. You will have a whole entire other idea of what "hell" is like. And it sounds like you're well on your way to finding out. Keep doing what you're doing and making the kind of choices that got you where you are, and you'll find out. "The road to hell is paved with good intentions" could have been invented just for you.
 
BoringGuy, I am a Christian that doesn't believe in birth control. They are abortifacients. You get pregnant on them and then it crushes the egg. I have done the research.

I am not saying I am going to have a baby with these two, either.
 
Natja said:
I'm out. Sorry. I can't read this. I refuse to believe there is anyone that daft in reality, and therefore Kitty must be a windup merchant!
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Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain.
 
kittenkittykat said:
BoringGuy, I am a Christian that doesn't believe in birth control.
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Would you explain why you let the kid call you by a Jewish nickname? I am enjoying reading your replies. Thank you.
 
Wow, just wow...

Good luck, "Kitty." You're going to need it. I am going to refrain from this thread. Otherwise I may get myself in trouble.
 
BC beliefs aside, anything that happens from here on in happens based on your own decisions.

If you are getting steamrolled with respect to your beliefs on how your child should be raised, if you choose to continue to have unprotected sex, then you are partially responsible for what happens with respect to raising that child.

If you do not like the way things are going, then you need to change direction.

You've asked for help and advice. That's all I can give you at this point.
 
BoringGuy said:
FoL, I am surprised at you. You are a physician, no? You are educated and have some exposure to things that are not necessarily part of your everyday routine? With that in mind, have you ever seen how birth control pills come? They come in distinctively-shaped, sealed foil-and-plastic blister-packs, and depending on the formulation, the pills for various days can even be in different colors (not the placebos only). So, in order for someone else to change the pills and have the woman not notice, she would have to be so dumb or disoriented that she would not notice. "Hey, why are all of these pills punched out and put back in the package?" Or the person switching them would have to have access to the kind of equipment the drug companies use to package and seal the same exact product.

I could never understand this whole "switched the birth control pills" thing, as it makes absolutely no sense in reality.
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No, that is not what I meant. I would hope somebody would not go to those extremes. You would have to be a complete idiot to not see that someone had punched out that day's pill. I put nothing past people, though.

What I meant by switching was coming from the frame of mind that, what if they offer to bring it to her and swap the pill out with something else? I doubt anyone would tamper with the pack or go to the extreme of trying to have one made just like it. I will leave that to the criminally-minded individuals. Would it really be suspicious if someone was to bring the pill to a person with coffee or breakfast? If it was a loved one doing this, I would not think twice of it.

People go to extremes when it comes to wanting (or not wanting) children. My friend's ex-husband was giving her birth control pills mixed in with her morning tea. She thought it was just a nice and sweet gesture. Like, "Aww. He is making me tea and bringing me breakfast in bed every morning." Little did she know. They ended up going to a fertility specialist, and the blood work was how it was revealed. He was a hell of an actor. Playing the role of the supportive husband, dutifully undergoing all the tests, and knowing all the while just what he was doing and why they could not conceive. The full extent was revealed during the divorce proceedings. Due to his actions, he got screwed in the divorce, and karma is still kicking his bum.

I do wonder if Kitty is the first "third" this couple has propositioned with such a generous offer, or is it possible the others backed away and ran? I might have missed where she said this was or was not their first poly relationship. She said they first mentioned TTC about a year ago. A year later, and they are still wanting it? Just adopt or use a surrogate. How does a conversation about trying to conceive without the mother of this proposed baby being involved actually work?
 
Okay, I see. Wow. I never heard of someone giving someone else birth control pills. It does not make sense, though, either. If a guy didn't want kids that much, he should get a vasectomy. It doesn't require you be there at the same time every day.

What if he missed a pill due to circumstances beyond his control-- does he just refuse to fuck her for a month?
Is he that dumb that he would think you couldn't find that in a blood test?
Where did he get the birth-control pills?
Do you not need a prescription for them in the UK?
Are you sure this is a true story?
 
What does it mean when they are being affectionate, cuddling with me, bringing me breakfast in bed? I'm home sick today. I just don't get how the moods change and it confuses me.
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It could be the "honeymoon" stage of the cycle of abuse. It's the flowers, candy, apologies, promise things will be better/change, etc., before the next blow up.

You could google "cycle of abuse" and "cycle of abuse over time" and look at the articles/pictures.

You do not deserve to be treated poorly.

Be cautious of "fake roses" over there, the "sugar-pie-honey-bunch" stuff just to mess with your head, or encourage to to stay in a less than loving situation, now that you are beginning to think about leaving. It could be designed to suck you back in.
 
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FOL,

They have had a few relationships with other women, two before their DD was born, and one after, but before me.

I don't know much other than the girl before me was taking BC pills behind their back. She stated she wanted a child with them but they found the BC pills that were just prescribed when helping her move.
 
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