New boyfriend is unsure...
- Thread starter riftara
- Start date
Marcus
Well-known member
Does he want your help with his issues? If so, what help does he want? If he asks you to do something and you are 100% comfortable with doing it... then do that.
Unless you intend to make yourself his personal psychotherapist, all you need to do is what comes naturally. If you are physically affectionate, then be physically affectionate. If you are hands-off, and let people do their own thing, then be hands-off and let him do his own thing. If you are a nagging busybody, then, well... I guess do that. lol. Either way, don't try to fashion a set of behaviors which are not your own, and avoid getting into someone's business if they don't want you there.
IndieSolo
Active member
Riftara,
Didn't you give a talk on poly at your Unitarian Church recently, and didn't you field questions about it? You could just ask him what his issues are and answer his questions as thoughtfully as you did for the people who showed up to hear your talk. You can't make his choices for him, or solve anything he is wrestling with, but you can be open and honest in sharing information.
Didn't you give a talk on poly at your Unitarian Church recently, and didn't you field questions about it? You could just ask him what his issues are and answer his questions as thoughtfully as you did for the people who showed up to hear your talk. You can't make his choices for him, or solve anything he is wrestling with, but you can be open and honest in sharing information.
Vixtoria
New member
I'm sorry, but what are you looking for? A magic pill or book that suddenly makes him "okay" with everything? Read around. There's no such thing. This question has been asked over and over by many many people, in long-term mono relationships, and just starting out. Here are the two main points you've been given so far.
1) If you just gave a talk about polyamory at your church, you should have the answers you need. Now you just need the questions. Ask him what questions he has, so you can answer them!
2) Communication. All you can do is be open and honest, and talk to him.
Let him do the internal work he needs to do. But if you came here wanting all these answers on how to MAKE someone suddenly accept and/or love poly, you shouldn't have given ANYONE information on poly. Or mono. Or dating. At all.
1) If you just gave a talk about polyamory at your church, you should have the answers you need. Now you just need the questions. Ask him what questions he has, so you can answer them!
2) Communication. All you can do is be open and honest, and talk to him.
Let him do the internal work he needs to do. But if you came here wanting all these answers on how to MAKE someone suddenly accept and/or love poly, you shouldn't have given ANYONE information on poly. Or mono. Or dating. At all.
I have no intention of "making him poly." He wants to be accepting and make things work.
I just needed some help with how to help him. And everyone was right. I needed a reminder that all I can do is answer his questions, assure him, and do what he wants that I feel comfortable doing.
I just needed some help with how to help him. And everyone was right. I needed a reminder that all I can do is answer his questions, assure him, and do what he wants that I feel comfortable doing.
PolyPaulie
New member
One of my current boyfriends had similar feelings, and moved past them. It took him a while to realize that my relationships with other people did not affect my relationship with him.
My advice to you is just to educate him as well as you can. Send him educational links or get him on here! The more he understands about polyamory, and about how you would like your relationship to be, the better. And then you can talk about your feelings from there. And make sure he knows that jealousy is a normal feeling that people have that its possible to overcome and work through.
My advice to you is just to educate him as well as you can. Send him educational links or get him on here! The more he understands about polyamory, and about how you would like your relationship to be, the better. And then you can talk about your feelings from there. And make sure he knows that jealousy is a normal feeling that people have that its possible to overcome and work through.