defending poly to the masses

[gorgeouskitten]

so ive been writing this annonymous column about poly, and man the commentors are just brutal. Pretty much being called a slut and a whore, i probably have HIV, my poor kids will need therapy....I know none of it is true and at first it was rollnig off my back but its gotten pretty harsh. I'll stop reading it, but could use a little poly support/words of encouragement

 

[LovingRadiance]

Maybe post a link to the column so other poly people can comment on it too. There are several blogs devoted specifically to sharing with poly people where poly related articles etc can be found and asking us to post comments directly to them.

It isn't always easy dealing with the uninformed. Especially if it is online. People can be vicious behind the protection of anonymity the internet affords.

 

[gorgeouskitten]

good idea

 

[monkeystyle]

Of course who the audience is intended to be creates some of the reaction. Conservative, gun-toting grandmothers tend dislike poly or anything like it, whereas wackos like me are more open minded.

For support, my suggestion is to post your stuff here. You couldnt have a better audience. The life stories and blogs section is a great place if you're not looking to get flamed.

 

[MeeraReed]

It might depend on the context of the column. Where it's posted, etc.

So, where's the link?

 

[MeeraReed]

So, where's the link?

Oh, it's the articles section, duh. Thanks!

 

[Kommander]

It's probably best to recognize dumbasses for what they are and laugh at them for being dumbasses rather than take them seriously.

being called a slut and a whore,

Are you having sex with people in exchange for money? If yes, then you are a whore. If no, then you are not one. What is and is not a slut is a little more difficult to define, but using both these words as insults implies that they are bad things. I and may others do not believe they are bad things necessarily. If someone called me a slut I would feel complimented because I'm not as slutty as I would like to be and it would be nice to know that some people see me as I with to be perceived.

i probably have HIV,

Most poly people are white and middle-class, which is not a high-risk group. It's actually more likely that you don't have it. Poly people are also more likely to be educated about sex more than other groups, and are more likely to be safer about it.

As devastating as HIV can be, it's actually not very good at being a virus. Even if one was to receive unprotected anal sex from someone who is HIV positive, they are much more likely to not be infected than to be infected from a single act. As long as one isn't having unprotected sex with a bunch of random strangers, they will probably not become infected.

Also, what kind of asshole makes fun of someone for possibly having HIV? Dumbasses with limited ability to think and reason, that's what kind.

my poor kids will need therapy....

Therapy is not a bad thing. There is no such thing as a perfect mental health and most people would probably benefit from it. (Note: I'm going to school to become a therapist, so this is probably a heavily biased opinion.)

Although, if your kids do need therapy at some point, you being polyamorous probably has nothing to do with it. Younger kids a lot of times don't even realize their families are different from others. (I'd link actual studies, but I'm a college student, and I'm not looking at journal articles unless one of my professors makes me. As far as I know, none of them post here.)

 

[Marcus]

so ive been writing this annonymous column about poly, and man the commentors are just brutal. Pretty much being called a slut and a whore, i probably have HIV, my poor kids will need therapy....I know none of it is true and at first it was rollnig off my back but its gotten pretty harsh. I'll stop reading it, but could use a little poly support/words of encouragement

Oh holy gods. I read through some of those responses and had to stop. That is the worst expression of internet filth I think I've ever seen.

I say find a better format for posting your thoughts. There is exactly ZERO risk that any of those maniacal maggots are listening to what you are saying.

I need a shower....

 

[Dirtclustit]

The things to remember

Loving relationships do not have any negative effect on children whatsoever, it is not and has never been about whether or not the parental figures more than two adults, same sex, or one man and one woman.

What does negatively affect children is witnessing abusive or otherwise unhealthy relationships between adults in the household. When the adults model healthy relationships the children learn to expect that behavior in their relationships as adults, and when the adults model unhealthy relationships the children learn unhealthy behavior and often accept that as normal in their own relationships when they reach adulthood.

Nothing changes between polyamorous parents and monogamous parents, just like nothing changes between male/female parents and same sex parents. Children are not affected by the parents being poly, same sex, or monogamous, they are affected by violence between parents, abusive or belittling talk, exposed to sexual aspects of a relationship before they are capable of understanding.

Other than the standard harmful behavior exhibited by the parents, is the way that society treats families with any dynamic other than traditionally nuclear. And that is the biggest negative impact children face. It's the same fuckers that claim to be so worried about the child's well being that are doing the most damage. It's their inability to recognize their behavior as bigoted, hateful, wrongful discrimination, and that is by far the most harmful aspect of being raised by poly or same sex parents

it's something the parents have no control over other than moving out of bigoted, hate-filled neighborhoods

People that quote the Bible are the ones that piss me off the most, as church leaders have encouraged flat out wrong interpretations of scriptures, often the only parts that could not be any more clear

Marriage is one of the topics, and it happens to be one where Jesus himself was quoted by three different disciples. You have to remember that the they did not have the vocabulary to explain concepts such as genetics at the time the scriptures were published. And it is the one clear example of what they were speaking of, which is that our understanding of "marriage" is nothing more than words between two adults and it doesn't mean shit to God, Jesus explained the true meaning of "Marriage" and when a marriage takes place, it is the union of two haploid gametes -- one from each of the two who will cleave into one and become a new single life

Each individual child born, is a marriage between two adults, and their child is their marriage -- that new life -- and nothing to do with the two adults' lives after conception other than they were the two whose marriage is
the child produced, and not any agreement made between the parents or official relationship recognized by the county.

So anytime someone tries to tell you that marriage is between one man and one woman, and feeds you some bullshit line that "Your argument isnt with me its with God."

Tell that dumb mother fucker that he might want to read the accounts of Mark, Luke, and Mathew again, because there is no man and woman that are husband and "wife" until they are "married" and combined genetically into one, and what we call a "husband" and "wife" is nothing more than remnant of the the four grand parents paired in twos

And both woman and man most certainly can be "married" to many people, people do it all the time without ever recognizing it, thanks to idiot men who not only do not recognize their own hatred and bigotry, but don't even understand the book they claim to be using as their reasoning

 

[gorgeouskitten]

Oh i love all of you.

Marcus, there was a lot of filth, but the earlier messages..before comments hit 100...were a lot of people being really cool and supportive.

Thanks Dirt for the kids stuff

 

[Flear]

isn't there sections in the bible that state it's the right thing to be married to more than one wife ?, (in the case that your brother dies)

sure, things are different, ... but how many of those religious preachers would change their minds about things if they started living the words of their book of scripture to such an extent ?

 

[YouAreHere]

Ugh.

So, you're either a "W H O R E" if you're female, can't keep your dick in your pants if you're male, or, if you're mono and in a relationship with someone who's poly, you're a spineless victim (or just being taken advantage of or disrespected).

Sadly, I've dealt with this in person. It sucks. Nothing like having your partner vilified and being told that he's being disrespectful to me and that I deserve better.

Granted, there is other baggage there, as my partner went poly-vangelistic in the beginning, surmised that EVERYONE was really poly, and this got back to her and she felt that he was putting down her marriage in favor of this new "enlightened" path. (Yeah, I had to step in and tell him that *I* didn't want to be converted, so this wasn't really a simple misinterpretation at the time).

His retort was that, as a "militant breastfeeder" she is pretty much doing the same ("my way is better than yours"). I'm just keeping out of the whole kerfuffle because there's no way to find middle ground in these battles, much less win them.

She's now trying to find a way to have a housewarming party without inviting my metamour (who is part of the whole "went to high school together" group of friends) or offending my partner. Methinks she won't find a way to do both. Especially if she goes with the "invite YouAreHere and a 'plus one'" when my partner and her husband have known each other since third grade.

Yeesh.

 

[YouAreHere]

isn't there sections in the bible that state it's the right thing to be married to more than one wife ?, (in the case that your brother dies)

sure, things are different, ... but how many of those religious preachers would change their minds about things if they started living the words of their book of scripture to such an extent ?

I'd like to ask the overly righteous what they think of Solomon. And then, when they go into how the New Testament is the "new law", ask them why they keep quoting Leviticus to ban the things they don't like.

But then I realize that these arguments go nowhere and decide to do something better with my time.

 

[Dirtclustit]

It was damn near law back then

isn't there sections in the bible that state it's the right thing to be married to more than one wife ?, (in the case that your brother dies)

sure, things are different, ... but how many of those religious preachers would change their minds about things if they started living the words of their book of scripture to such an extent ?

and don't let the prude "official wording" fool you, as I only know the words of the English translation, but when that accepted English translation say "went into her" they mean he went inside her, only we don't say went, we say he came inside, or he did cum inside her.

But yes the brother was by law expected to have sex with his sister in law until he produced a child, at which point I think he could stop if he wanted to as the child would get his brother's name, maybe with Jr. added.

But really, the point it is, that there is no justification needed, as there are many many things people can do in their lifetime, and the ONLY said actions and behaviors are wrong, or not right is because the behavior and actions are typically lied about. So it is important to remember how many things, actions, behaviors would be perfectly acceptable and are when there is full disclosure. When people are completely honesty and can be trusted to voluntarily do the right thing, it opens the world up to many freedoms that were previously restricted.

After all, nearly every single law written (though there are certainly exceptions) were written because people could not be counted on to be responsible with the freedoms they were exercising

And who others engage in sex with, when it does not concern me or I am not involved in the relationship, is nowhere near within my rights to tell them what they can and cannot do, it is along the same lines as telling someone what religion they can practice.

But here it's like preaching to the choir