Platonic friends (but I want more)

[MinaRica]

I made a new friend. We really connect on a lot of levels, there is attraction. He states he wants us to remain platonic. I think it's because he's afraid of my being poly. He's met my boyfriend on several occasions, and knows that we are committed, but open. I get the sense that my friend feels awkward about dating me romantically because he is coming at it from a mono mindset, and doesn't want to be the "other guy".

We enjoy our time together. We have lovely conversation, text daily, and often meet up for lunches or yoga. He loves sharing long embraces with me. He constantly touches me when we are together, stroking my arm, caressing my back. I'm touch-sensitive, so it really drives me wild. I hold back with caressing him back because it just increases my affections and desire for him.

I enjoy his friendship. I'd enjoy being in a sexual relationship with him, definitely. I do, however, respect the boundaries he has laid - platonic friends. Is it wrong if I try to push for more? Or, should I simply enjoy what we have, and leave it be?

Opinions, anyone?

 

[KC43]

I have a similar situation with a man I call my "partner in crime". He's aware and completely accepting of the fact that both my marriage and my relationship with Guy are open, and at one time he considered becoming involved with me. But he has a general policy against becoming involved, even sexually, with married women because he's very geared toward finding a lifelong relationship, and he's very monogamous.

I'm definitely attracted to him, and he's told me he's attracted to me. But I respect his reasons for not wanting to take it beyond platonic. You can have sex with anyone, but a true, deep friendship is much more rare.

So my advice to you would be to respect your friend's wish to keep it platonic and leave it at that. If his friendship is that valuable to you, I think it would be better to hold onto him as a friend than to push for more and risk losing the friendship if he feels that you aren't respecting his boundary.

 

[mmkeekah]

Perhaps you can draw some boundaries so you are not tempted by the physical aspects of your attraction... some of the touching you mentioned sounds as if it might be more than just friendly affection, which could be prolonging the attraction...

 

[london]

I think pressuring people to break their personal boundaries is always unethical.

 

[Inyourendo]

Just be friends and maybe someday he'll come around. Sam wasn't interested in being romantic with me for like 2 years

 

[Ariakas]

I think pressuring people to break their personal boundaries is always unethical.

Agreed, thats the first thing that came to my head. He seems to have made his opinion clear. Remain friends, but have no expectations beyond that.

I see questions pop up like this, and I often wonder how it would be turned on its head if it was a male asking the question about pressuring a female friend..

 

[Marcus]

He states he wants us to remain platonic.

He made an explicit statement that he wants to remain platonic. While body language might say something different, if you respect him as an adult you will resist the urge to "push" him past what he has clearly said he wanted.

No means no. End of story.

 

[icesong]

He made an explicit statement that he wants to remain platonic. While body language might say something different...

True. But I think MinaRica is well within her rights to set stronger boundaries on that physical contact / body language - as it's not fair to her for him to be aware of that interest and do things to fuel it if not interested in her.

 

[Marcus]

True. But I think MinaRica is well within her rights to set stronger boundaries on that physical contact / body language - as it's not fair to her for him to be aware of that interest and do things to fuel it if not interested in her.

Of course. If she feels like she's getting mixed signals and doesn't care for it then she would be well within her right to set boundaries regarding how much touch she will allow.

 

[Eclipse]

Just wait.

Maybe he will come around, maybe he won't. I went through a similar situation when I met Freckles. We were very good friends for a long time before I approached her with the idea of moving beyond a platonic relationship. Originally she said no, but over time she warmed up to the idea and we are in a very close relationship today. No doesn't always mean never, sometimes it means "not yet."