My story is a bit long and drawn out, but there are many details to what im about to tell you that are pertinent to the things that I am going through.
First, I have been married for two years, but ive been with the same man for almost ten (we married because we had been together for many years and his health was on the downward spiral ill explain later, and it was more of a formality than a celebration or anything like that).
I have two children with my husband, and a child from a previous relationship that ended badly.
Anyway.
Recently (last year in September), my husband lost his sight due to complications from diabetes and other health issues.
This has been a horrendous trial and tribulation for both of us as we went through a lot of things... including a battle to get him on disability, and to get him the services and help he needed to regain his independence while being a blind man.
We got through it and we survived. Things are looking up and getting better.
Now, reverse time a few years back to 2008.
I met a man online from Poland and we had a wonderful friendship for two years.
It got serious and I genuinely felt something for him, I will call him J for all purposes at the moment.
I confided in my husband (we werent officially married yet) about the feelings I had for him and he said that he was okay with it, as long as J didnt come to the states to visit me or anything, as he said that he wasnt comfortable with something like that yet.
My relationship with my husband through the years got stronger and stronger, through the birth of our daughter, and I was able to confide in J rather regularly and bounce ideas off of him whenever I had the chance.
I had a wonderful relationship with J and my husband and managed both of them quite well (i think so anyway).
Well, fast forwards to 2011 and my husbands health started to really fail (he has diabetic neuropathy and was starting to be unable to work), and I lost contact with J for a few months as we went through a transition process of me finding a job, my husband quitting his and just basically transitioning to me actually working again (i was a stay at home mom for approximately 6-7 years while our children grew up).
I finally got back in touch with J at the end of 2011 and was sharing information about our lives, like we had before, and he confided in me that he had met someone.
Now at first I was a little hurt, I felt betrayed and very possessive, and did a few things that I have reconciled with (including apologizing to J's now fiance).
Things went well for a while and I continued the relationship with both my husband and J.
I again brought up the relationship with my husband and he was okay with it, and was beginning to be okay with J visiting me from overseas for a night or two.
Then things went to hell.
My husband lost his sight and we went through a lot of things.
Ups, downs, arounds, backwards, forwards... anything you can imagine it happened.
I even cursed out a doctor once or twice.
I abandoned the idea of living in an open relationship for about 6-7 months and throughout this time, J and I went our separate ways.
We are still very good friends, but he is planning to marry, and his soon to be wife is not an open relationship type woman, and he loves her very much.
We separated on good terms and things have been wonderful between us.
I abandoned the thought of an open relationship because of what my husband and I were going through, with three children on top of that.
Fast forwards again to about a month ago, and a long term friend of mine (I do storm spotting and chasing severe weather since we live in tornado alley and began to chase with this man) and i began to get together on a regular basis to chase our storms and to talk weather stuff (most people around here think we are absolutely crazy).
Throughout the last month or so, feelings have developed between us (i will call this man T for all intensive purposes).
T has told me several times he doesnt want to cause problems between me and my husband, and I told him that I understood and told him that I cannot leave my husband.
Hes the father of my children, and he needs me, not only because he is blind, but because I love him with every fiber of my being and cannot see my life without him.
I havent broached the open relationship thing for months because of my husband losing his sight, but the new found feelings for T have brought everything back to the surface again.
I feel trapped again, lonely, and unsatisfied emotionally and sometimes physically (though my relationship with my husband has always been good and open).
I dont know how to broach this with him, since my husband is still feeling vulnerable and weak because he doesnt have his sight anymore.
He was more ... oh.. i dont know.. pliable (bad definition) back when he had his sight to the whole open thing, and it made me feel a little easy that I didnt have to look elsewhere, even though I had J.
Now, since J and I have broken things off, and I found someone else, I am starting to feel resentful, angry, and im probably being difficult with my husband on purpose because I would love to go be with T on a regular basis, but I know my husband isnt ready for something like this... or he could be, because I havent asked him because I feel that... he would shoot it down and it would crash and burn.
I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place and its tearing me up inside.
My husband knew I had an emotional relationship with J, and he was okay with it and was on the verge of saying yes to a visit with J.
Now that he lost his sight and I have found someone else, again... I dont know how to break things this time around.
If anyone has any advice or suggestions.. or hell just ideas, it would be much appreciated.
I should state that nothing has happened between T and myself.
Theres been some hand holding and "looking longingly at one another" (for lack of a better term), but we havent done anything.
First, I have been married for two years, but ive been with the same man for almost ten (we married because we had been together for many years and his health was on the downward spiral ill explain later, and it was more of a formality than a celebration or anything like that).
I have two children with my husband, and a child from a previous relationship that ended badly.
Anyway.
Recently (last year in September), my husband lost his sight due to complications from diabetes and other health issues.
This has been a horrendous trial and tribulation for both of us as we went through a lot of things... including a battle to get him on disability, and to get him the services and help he needed to regain his independence while being a blind man.
We got through it and we survived. Things are looking up and getting better.
Now, reverse time a few years back to 2008.
I met a man online from Poland and we had a wonderful friendship for two years.
It got serious and I genuinely felt something for him, I will call him J for all purposes at the moment.
I confided in my husband (we werent officially married yet) about the feelings I had for him and he said that he was okay with it, as long as J didnt come to the states to visit me or anything, as he said that he wasnt comfortable with something like that yet.
My relationship with my husband through the years got stronger and stronger, through the birth of our daughter, and I was able to confide in J rather regularly and bounce ideas off of him whenever I had the chance.
I had a wonderful relationship with J and my husband and managed both of them quite well (i think so anyway).
Well, fast forwards to 2011 and my husbands health started to really fail (he has diabetic neuropathy and was starting to be unable to work), and I lost contact with J for a few months as we went through a transition process of me finding a job, my husband quitting his and just basically transitioning to me actually working again (i was a stay at home mom for approximately 6-7 years while our children grew up).
I finally got back in touch with J at the end of 2011 and was sharing information about our lives, like we had before, and he confided in me that he had met someone.
Now at first I was a little hurt, I felt betrayed and very possessive, and did a few things that I have reconciled with (including apologizing to J's now fiance).
Things went well for a while and I continued the relationship with both my husband and J.
I again brought up the relationship with my husband and he was okay with it, and was beginning to be okay with J visiting me from overseas for a night or two.
Then things went to hell.
My husband lost his sight and we went through a lot of things.
Ups, downs, arounds, backwards, forwards... anything you can imagine it happened.
I even cursed out a doctor once or twice.
I abandoned the idea of living in an open relationship for about 6-7 months and throughout this time, J and I went our separate ways.
We are still very good friends, but he is planning to marry, and his soon to be wife is not an open relationship type woman, and he loves her very much.
We separated on good terms and things have been wonderful between us.
I abandoned the thought of an open relationship because of what my husband and I were going through, with three children on top of that.
Fast forwards again to about a month ago, and a long term friend of mine (I do storm spotting and chasing severe weather since we live in tornado alley and began to chase with this man) and i began to get together on a regular basis to chase our storms and to talk weather stuff (most people around here think we are absolutely crazy).
Throughout the last month or so, feelings have developed between us (i will call this man T for all intensive purposes).
T has told me several times he doesnt want to cause problems between me and my husband, and I told him that I understood and told him that I cannot leave my husband.
Hes the father of my children, and he needs me, not only because he is blind, but because I love him with every fiber of my being and cannot see my life without him.
I havent broached the open relationship thing for months because of my husband losing his sight, but the new found feelings for T have brought everything back to the surface again.
I feel trapped again, lonely, and unsatisfied emotionally and sometimes physically (though my relationship with my husband has always been good and open).
I dont know how to broach this with him, since my husband is still feeling vulnerable and weak because he doesnt have his sight anymore.
He was more ... oh.. i dont know.. pliable (bad definition) back when he had his sight to the whole open thing, and it made me feel a little easy that I didnt have to look elsewhere, even though I had J.
Now, since J and I have broken things off, and I found someone else, I am starting to feel resentful, angry, and im probably being difficult with my husband on purpose because I would love to go be with T on a regular basis, but I know my husband isnt ready for something like this... or he could be, because I havent asked him because I feel that... he would shoot it down and it would crash and burn.
I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place and its tearing me up inside.
My husband knew I had an emotional relationship with J, and he was okay with it and was on the verge of saying yes to a visit with J.
Now that he lost his sight and I have found someone else, again... I dont know how to break things this time around.
If anyone has any advice or suggestions.. or hell just ideas, it would be much appreciated.
I should state that nothing has happened between T and myself.
Theres been some hand holding and "looking longingly at one another" (for lack of a better term), but we havent done anything.