small update on our first big talk

J

jewelz

New member
Hey everyone
I wanted to give an update on our first group talk.

So I had been noticing certain behaviors in the other female part of our group. I talked to my husband about them and we decide it was time to have a group talk.

Not sure it went really well. But here is what happen....
I had noticed that she gets upset sometimes when the hubby and I are together. Or give hugs and kisses. Or when I talk about how well things are going with him and I. Well I wanted to know what was going on with her. So I asked the hubby what his take on certain things were. He said that he has noticed the slight change in behavior as well. Talking with him we firgure out it was jealousy. So we sat down together(3) and talked. While she said she did have some jealousy she wasn't really ready to talk about it. That she is dealing with it on her own.

Any thoughts?
 
jewelz said:
While she said she did have some jealousy she wasn't really ready to talk about it. That she is dealing with it on her own.
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You asked her how she was doing and she gave you what sounds like an honest and concise answer. Since she's handling it on her own it's out of your hands. With any luck the two of you approached her gently and openly and she feels that she can bring it up at a later date if she finds she wants some input. If she doesn't then I presume she's working on it to the degree she feels she needs to.

So, I'm with nycindie, sounds like a good conversation. What is your concern?
 
I guess one of my biggest concerns is that she will kinda talk my hubby but doesn't want to talk with me about it. Also she tends to shut down when we are having big talks.
 
So what if she talks to hubby about something and not to you? Maybe you're too intense for her, looking for problems. Do you have to be all up in her business about everything? They have one kind of relationship. You have another kind. It really is okay if a partner involved with two people talks to one and not the other about certain things. Really. Be careful to not try to control things you shouldn't.
 
jewelz said:
I guess one of my biggest concerns is that she will kinda talk my hubby but doesn't want to talk with me about it.
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I don't understand. What about this is a big concern?

As nycindie pointed out, each individual relationship we have is unique in its own ways. This is necessarily true because each of the individuals involved has a different personality profile (they're completely different people). So, expecting that her association with him would be the same as her association with you is just setting you up to be disappointed (example: your current situation).

jewelz said:
Also she tends to shut down when we are having big talks.
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Maybe she is intimidated by "big talks", certainly if they are staged like a family intervention. It is entirely likely that she doesn't have the same social requirements and triggers as you. This is fine, she's not you, and it can take some time to learn who a person is and how they function.

It sounds like you are learning that she doesn't respond to your prompting the way you'd like... the only problem is that you think it's a problem... and not that you're learning something new about her.
 
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