Okcupid help

Yeah, I definitely don't list my kinks on my OKC profile either. Just putting on there that you are kinky will attract others who also are and then you'll have something to talk about later. That's the thing with kink, at least the stuff I'm into...you've gotta have trust. I would never let someone I just met tie me up. Ok I usually do the tying, but you see my point. Ha.
 
Yea I get ya. :D

But I'm the same. Couldn't do it with just anyone. I need to love and trust that person a great deal.
 
So for someone of my age, generally looking for people age 18-23 or so, what should I be doing if anything at all?
 
First I think it's important to know what you want (I may have trouble with this sometimes myself...haha).

Then know what you don't want.

Make your profile about your interests but also include some deeper stuff...like if you're an introvert, if you're into politics, social justice, etc. Then you'll attract people who are more like you.

In my profile I like to list in the "you should message me if" section, some specific things designed to weed out people who may just be looking to hook up (if that's not what you're looking for), or someone who wants to email forever before meeting. I prefer to just meet for coffee right away if people seem cool. But that's just my policy, you may want to talk to them more first.
 
Online dating before 23 is useless. Get out in real life meet people. You are young no one is going to bat an eye if you are dating more than one person.
 
MusicalRose said:
Poly6, have you ever tried FetLife?
Click to expand...

I was thinking that, too.

I honestly don't know what to tell you if you're wanting to really strive to meet people now. Even when I WAS your age, I wasn't interested in that age range so I don't know what people are normally successful with. :/
 
I recently got a fetlife. Haven't done much on it though.

Also where I live, people will care a lot if you are dating more than one person. Whether they know or not.
 
Though I do still meet people in real life all the time. Though no one I've ever wanted to start a relationship with yet.
 
The only advice I have to give is probably not what you want to hear, especially living in a smaller town.

The more transparent you are, the easier it is to attract the type of people you want. If you are afraid to come out of the closet, I imagine any other people that might be in your area are also afraid to be open about what they want, or maybe they would have thought about it if they even knew it existed, but they have no exposure.

You are free to keep your privacy as long as you want, but it will be a very hard road to meeting partners that are a good fit for you. The more up front and open you can be among friends, social groups, etc., the higher the likelihood that you catch the attention of someone with similar inclinations who might also be too afraid to live openly.
 
Fair enough. You make a good point. Just one problem I have is that I am an introverted person and I don't really know how to be open about being poly and kinky?

I'm not dating right now(never have) so I don't really know how to be open about poly. Do I just walk around saying it to everyone even if there's no real reason for it to show up in conversation?

How exactly can I be open about poly and kinky? I'm confused.
 
By the way, this is gonna sound kind of lame, but I find it somewhat funny and a little ironic(for me at least) that people online are essentially telling me to go outside. Don't get me wrong I love it, I just find it funny given the stereotypes of the digital age. :D
 
I would start by talking to your close friends. They're the least likely people to reject you because they know the most about you otherwise. They're unlikely to be as swayed by the difference and the newness of it as a random stranger might.

Get comfortable talking about it in this way. You will be developing your own way of talking about it and putting the ideas and concepts into your own words. Eventually you will be more comfortable conversing it as if it were any other topic.

It's taken me a while, but I've gotten to the point where people I think will be friends know right away, and I rarely hide it from anyone else unless they have a power over me that I cannot easily control (employers, certain family until recently). I even chat about it with strangers from time to time.

It doesn't need to be the only thing about you, but if you get comfortable with the idea, more people around you will be able to envision being comfortable with the idea much more easily than if they had an example of someone being ashamed of it and hiding it out of fear of rejection.

I'm an introvert too. It's scary and difficult at first, but being open about the weird things about you draws you right to the kind of people who have weird things compatible with yours.
 
Two of my closest friends know actually. They've known me for years and are generally tolerant too as long as I'm happy.
 
It's understandable not to want to come out to certain people about it, especially if you are new to the idea and still developing your identity and awareness of it.

I'm more talking about friends and people you socialize with, people through whom you might meet potential connections for romance.

It will really help if you can find a local community to socialize with and start building friendships and a network, but it sounds like you are in a small town. It might help to do a Google search of your area and see what you can find.
 
Curious question, when it comes to answering questions on okcupid, I've gotten several different types of feedback. Like only answer a certain number of them or only answer particular ones or answer them in a particular way because it will make you sound more interesting.

What advice do you all offer in terms of answering questions, because the last time I answered about maybe 100 and then stopped.
 
I only answered what I felt like. Because I was on there for finding friends only (going to try elsewhere now), I didn't really answer the sexually explicit stuff. When I did answer something I had fun and went to town with it.
 
From what I hear it is good to be honest in the questions and place a very high priority on issues of poly and other issues that are important to you (perhaps BDSM type stuff or anything that you hold as a strong part of your identity). This may get you less overall hits and few people with high match percentages. BUT, those that you do have high percentages with will have a much higher chance of being accurate and being a good fit for you.
 
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