The Unspoken Problem: Dating advice for Poly men with only one partner

C

Cupcakeosaurus

New member
Hello!
I am not a man! I do however have two of my own. ;)

One of them (my primary who I live with) is quite happy with myself and his long term GF of 15 years. However my long distance BF is having trouble finding a relationship. We are very devoted to each other, and as his first step into polyamory (which he has fully embraced), I feel somewhat responsible for his lady trouble.

I want him to find someone. But I have no intentions of going 'shopping' for him. That's at best over baring, at worst just creepy.

I have been all over the internet trying to find any males talking about being poly but with only one relationship who are looking for other partners. I think it would be nice for him to get some advice and support, but there doesn't seem to be anything.

I am not counting couples looking for 'unicorns', as that is a third that brings it's own set of difficulties, and it's not a separate relationship like the kind he is seeking.

Has anyone been in this situation, or have advice?
 
Cupcakeosaurus said:
I want him to find someone.
Click to expand...

Extremely common question with no golden answers.

Meetup groups in your area.
OK Cupid or other dating sites with a more "progressive" base.
Fetlife if he's into the more kink stuff.

Wish him luck... tell him he'll need it :)
 
Done
Done
and... Done.

He has a community of poly people in his area, however they are very fetish focused, and insular. And while there is a huge cross over in the community... not everyone wants to stick needles in their back.

OKCupid is... surprise surprise... full of people from that very small, very exclusive group.

Fetlife... has anyone figured out how to do a search on there yet?
 
Butch found his gf on fetlife.

It took 3 yrs...
 
Cupcakeosaurus said:
Fetlife... has anyone figured out how to do a search on there yet?
Click to expand...

I've heard Fetlife specifically doesn't have a search to avoid things like this. It's not a dating site.

However, I met my most recent partner through fetlife and I'd suggest it's a great way to meet fantastic people, and potential partners, IF you go out to events.

Edit**
PS. When I say I met her on fetlife, I mean I met her at fetlife advertised events.
 
Honey dated off and on for five years but never anything serious before meeting me. Lovey has struggled to find people that are okay with poly. I personally have had no trouble. I met both Lovey and Honey while not even looking.

I don't understand why it seems like there are far more men okay with poly or in our case more men in the lifestyle than women.

Lovey met me on POF but we were not looking for poly at the time. Honey met me on AFF. Again we were not looking for poly. Maybe its more of a not looking thing? I don't know. Ive asked the same question on here too. :)
 
It depends on how picky you are and how hard you search. My partner was TEN YEARS since his last girlfriend (he was attached to his other partner the whole time). And I'm probably the first who will last (his other girlfriends lasted for about five years apiece, but were disintegrating by the third year).
 
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