If you believe that sitting down and allowing Aladdin to speak will intimidate him, then perhaps he lacks the emotional maturity to be in any adult relationship. I'm perfectly aware that this conversation is primarily between the other three players, but since it's you who wrote this thread, I'm suggesting that you suggest to them that all the adults sit down and talk. Talking is not coercion. Allowing someone a space to speak to all the people his fucking involves is not coercion. If you're not grown up enough to discuss safer sex practices with the people you could potentially infect, you're not grown up enough to be having sex. Simple as that.
Personally, I believe it is my partner's responsibility to consider the thoughts and feelings of all members of the group. Even if they never, ever meet them, let alone live together. And as I said before, you can try for all the emotional separation you want, but when it comes to bodily fluids, you cannot ignore or deny the connection.
You're trying to pretend that you're this ultra progressive pod but truthfully, if you were, this wouldn't even be an issue because Mal and Djinn would already be on the same page. Djinn either wouldn't be fluid bonding or Mal would trust that Djinn is fluid bonding with a responsible partner.
Bottom line is that Aladdin really may not have a big issue with forgoing some sexual activities if it means a happier poly network. He may not know why Mal doesn't trust him enough for fluid bonding. He may be able to take steps that solve all of these issues, not because someone has made him, but because a happier poly network where everyone fucks everyone without barriers may be more advantageous to him than the possibility of casual sex. It is Mal who finds his activities problematic, not Djinn. It is Mal and you who fear that he will contract an infection despite having protected sex and give it Djinn, who will transmit the infection to Mal, who will give it to you. Why are you (and perhaps Mal) so reluctant to discuss with Aladdin why you deem his sex life too high of a risk to be part of a fluid bonded pod? You have made this judgement about his sex life, why can you not have the decency to say it to his face, basically? Especially if you are so sure it is about objective scientific facts and not sex shaming.
To clarify my points about what I suspect, I think you are scared that Mal will listen to the reasons why Djinn and Aladdin consider sex with barriers and regular testing low risk (not to mention that it's unlikely anyone has contracted anything in this time you've all been fluid bonding) and decide that he's fine with them fluid bonding after all. Then, because you consider Aladdin a health risk due to his rampant promiscuity, you'll be forced to play your hand and stop, or at least threaten to stop, fluid bonding with Mal. You don't want that, especially because you conflate fluid bonding with emotional intimacy. That's what I suspect.
But the purpose of this thread seems to be for everyone to you how bad Djinn is and how great you are, so that's why my input is problematic. I simply offered a way forward for all ADULTS in this group to be able to have a voice in decisions that ultimately effect everyone. That's not a poly family or group poly or anything, that's just being a conscientious poly player. I've never encountered someone so against facilitating a group discussion about safer sex. It's seriously like "wow, really?".
Personally, I believe it is my partner's responsibility to consider the thoughts and feelings of all members of the group. Even if they never, ever meet them, let alone live together. And as I said before, you can try for all the emotional separation you want, but when it comes to bodily fluids, you cannot ignore or deny the connection.
You're trying to pretend that you're this ultra progressive pod but truthfully, if you were, this wouldn't even be an issue because Mal and Djinn would already be on the same page. Djinn either wouldn't be fluid bonding or Mal would trust that Djinn is fluid bonding with a responsible partner.
Bottom line is that Aladdin really may not have a big issue with forgoing some sexual activities if it means a happier poly network. He may not know why Mal doesn't trust him enough for fluid bonding. He may be able to take steps that solve all of these issues, not because someone has made him, but because a happier poly network where everyone fucks everyone without barriers may be more advantageous to him than the possibility of casual sex. It is Mal who finds his activities problematic, not Djinn. It is Mal and you who fear that he will contract an infection despite having protected sex and give it Djinn, who will transmit the infection to Mal, who will give it to you. Why are you (and perhaps Mal) so reluctant to discuss with Aladdin why you deem his sex life too high of a risk to be part of a fluid bonded pod? You have made this judgement about his sex life, why can you not have the decency to say it to his face, basically? Especially if you are so sure it is about objective scientific facts and not sex shaming.
To clarify my points about what I suspect, I think you are scared that Mal will listen to the reasons why Djinn and Aladdin consider sex with barriers and regular testing low risk (not to mention that it's unlikely anyone has contracted anything in this time you've all been fluid bonding) and decide that he's fine with them fluid bonding after all. Then, because you consider Aladdin a health risk due to his rampant promiscuity, you'll be forced to play your hand and stop, or at least threaten to stop, fluid bonding with Mal. You don't want that, especially because you conflate fluid bonding with emotional intimacy. That's what I suspect.
But the purpose of this thread seems to be for everyone to you how bad Djinn is and how great you are, so that's why my input is problematic. I simply offered a way forward for all ADULTS in this group to be able to have a voice in decisions that ultimately effect everyone. That's not a poly family or group poly or anything, that's just being a conscientious poly player. I've never encountered someone so against facilitating a group discussion about safer sex. It's seriously like "wow, really?".
Last edited:
