DanceGirl's 15th birthday is coming up at the end of the month. PokéGirl asked me if I were sad now that they're growing up and are doing more of their own things, without me.
I said, of course not (and I meant it). That my job as a parent is to help them grow up, and that I'm happy to see that happening, and happy to see the people they're growing up to become.
They're meant to spend less time with us as the relationship progresses.
On the other hand, I want to be able to spend MORE time with my partner as the kids grow up and out, and we get toward retirement age.
And IP, I agree - PokéGirl especially ends up feeling left out, or shorted by all sorts of things ("DanceGirl got a piece of candy!" "Yeah, but you just had a cookie!" // "You went to the mall with DanceGirl! I want to go to LocalComicShop and buy Magic Cards with you!"). Just because you love your kids doesn't mean the balance is always correct, or that they're feeling all that great about it all the time.
I get what people are trying to illustrate. After all, I have an unholy love for analogy and allegory myself, but still... I don't think this analogy works as universally as many people think it does. It drives me BANANAS when I listen to the "Poly Weekly" podcast, and I hear Minx and Lusty Guy use the analogy with a, "Well, DUH!" tone of voice. I find myself yelling at my radio that it's NOT THE SAME.
I guess I've derailed the "Commitment" thread long enough, though. D'oh.
To tie it all back in, it's somewhat similar in a way. I have a lifetime commitment to my children, but the expectation of what that commitment looks like is FAR different from my commitment to my job, my partner, my friends, etc. Many people expect commitment to a partner to have a particular form, but it seems that there are as many different expectations as there are people. The rules of monogamy, though, tend to obscure this, and people just don't talk about it.
I'm not one to bash monogamy, certainly, but it's too bad that everyone has a "common sense" idea of what it is without ever discussing whether or not their "common sense" is actually shared with their partner. I know I was guilty of that...