Surferjenn
New member
I'm sorry if this is rambling I'm in complete shock right now.
I've been been married to my husband for two years and together for four. We finally decided to talk about having kids and setting a time table for it and how many. This is something we both want so this wasn't an issue. What I was worried about was how many people we knew who's relationships were falling apart due to infidelity. Prior to marriage I had only two relationships and sexual partners while my husband who was older has had many more. This wasn't a problem for me from a jealously pov but I worried that I had missed out on some things and it could cause me to stray later on.
I decided to research poly/ open marriages. I read books, visited sites and even went to a few local meet ups. I finally talked to my husband about this and explained my fears and asked to read some of the books. I also expressed the fact that there was zero expectations for him to go along with this. That if it wasn't something he wanted or if I hurt to tell me. We didn't talk about it for a couple weeks and then he said he as fine with one condition he didn't want to know anything other than names. Looking back this should have been a warning sign but I ignored it.
During the first month I just casually dated nothing beyond a first date. I eventually met a couple who I connected with. We started hanging out more but I made it clear that my husband came first which they understood. My husband on the other hand wasn't doing anything but working tons of overtime. And again I asked if he was fine which he said he was. This was something I made sure to do constantly. Things progressed with the couple but expressed some worry about my situation. Was he having trouble meeting someone? Insecure? Things like that. Then they suggested we have a party to expose him to people they knew because they worried about him not wanting to know anything about the people I was with.
I asked him about this and he seemed upset but I explained it was just a dinner party to get know people nothing more. He relented and at the time I thought things went great. Everyone loved him and it seemed like he liked everyone. Most of the people were the couples friend and from the group I had visited. In fact I was somewhat jealous of the fact of the attention he got not surprised though. This in my mind had put everything at ease. So over the course of the next few months I thought things were going fine. After the party he told me he was going on dates but nothing serious. I was still worried because he hadn't connected with anyone but he reassured me it as fine.
My first red flag was the lack of sex, he always had a higher sex drive but went from 3-4 times a week to nothing. He brushed it off as all the overtime he was working and laughed when I mentioned the dates he had gone on. That I knew most of the dates had barely got past drinks that he was just exhausted from all the work. He even apologized and said he would make it up to me. That was last week.
Tonight I get home from work to an empty house, his wedding ring ,divorce papers and a letter from him on our kitchen table. To sum it up he lied about dating and he was never okay with any of this but went along with it because he said I'd do no matter what. I'm completely heart broken why would he lie? I gave him every opportunity to stop it even before it began. I just don't understand it. Has anyone gone through this or anything similar? I'm sorry if this doesn't belong here.
I've been been married to my husband for two years and together for four. We finally decided to talk about having kids and setting a time table for it and how many. This is something we both want so this wasn't an issue. What I was worried about was how many people we knew who's relationships were falling apart due to infidelity. Prior to marriage I had only two relationships and sexual partners while my husband who was older has had many more. This wasn't a problem for me from a jealously pov but I worried that I had missed out on some things and it could cause me to stray later on.
I decided to research poly/ open marriages. I read books, visited sites and even went to a few local meet ups. I finally talked to my husband about this and explained my fears and asked to read some of the books. I also expressed the fact that there was zero expectations for him to go along with this. That if it wasn't something he wanted or if I hurt to tell me. We didn't talk about it for a couple weeks and then he said he as fine with one condition he didn't want to know anything other than names. Looking back this should have been a warning sign but I ignored it.
During the first month I just casually dated nothing beyond a first date. I eventually met a couple who I connected with. We started hanging out more but I made it clear that my husband came first which they understood. My husband on the other hand wasn't doing anything but working tons of overtime. And again I asked if he was fine which he said he was. This was something I made sure to do constantly. Things progressed with the couple but expressed some worry about my situation. Was he having trouble meeting someone? Insecure? Things like that. Then they suggested we have a party to expose him to people they knew because they worried about him not wanting to know anything about the people I was with.
I asked him about this and he seemed upset but I explained it was just a dinner party to get know people nothing more. He relented and at the time I thought things went great. Everyone loved him and it seemed like he liked everyone. Most of the people were the couples friend and from the group I had visited. In fact I was somewhat jealous of the fact of the attention he got not surprised though. This in my mind had put everything at ease. So over the course of the next few months I thought things were going fine. After the party he told me he was going on dates but nothing serious. I was still worried because he hadn't connected with anyone but he reassured me it as fine.
My first red flag was the lack of sex, he always had a higher sex drive but went from 3-4 times a week to nothing. He brushed it off as all the overtime he was working and laughed when I mentioned the dates he had gone on. That I knew most of the dates had barely got past drinks that he was just exhausted from all the work. He even apologized and said he would make it up to me. That was last week.
Tonight I get home from work to an empty house, his wedding ring ,divorce papers and a letter from him on our kitchen table. To sum it up he lied about dating and he was never okay with any of this but went along with it because he said I'd do no matter what. I'm completely heart broken why would he lie? I gave him every opportunity to stop it even before it began. I just don't understand it. Has anyone gone through this or anything similar? I'm sorry if this doesn't belong here.
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