Hela
New member
My poly journey began about 4 years ago while in an incredibly dysfunctional relationship. I wasnt very honest with myself about "why". However the verbal abuse and psychological and emotional games that were played was enough to deter me from the overall "poly" scene.
Once I decided to get a divorce, I really had to crack down on my work schedule. I now work with animals as well as serve tables. Working anywhere between 50 and 65 hours per week. I dont mind so much. I will just be glad when the debt gets paid. That being said, I barely have enough time to keep up with one partner; I am emotionally tapped out.
I met Loki on a dating app while I was still married as well as still poly. He and I had been talking off an on for a few weeks. We both were very cautious on meeting. I didn't know what to expect, but I knew he was for real, as we had progressed our communication to video responses and calls. I remember receiving the first few of his video responses. His aura spoke to me. It was like a fire was lit in my soul. His face seemed so frighteningly familiar. His voice a nostalgic breath on my spine. Our first kiss pierced my soul. His body was like a magnet pulling through mine as we ended up pressed against my massive movie shelf in our living room. I've been with good kissers, but this was beyond just good kissing. Our connection was incredible.
We spent several days in a row together after our initial meeting. We seemed to have a flow and a passion together that I've never found in anyone else. I recognized alot of my feelings as NRE, but NRE on an entirely different level that I hadn't experienced before. A grief. A grief so deep, it crushed me. My cousin had just commit suicide not even a year before. My best friend, my stepfather, and my mother have all died. The 4 greatest, most important people in my life. Love equals loss to me. Love was something else to lose at some point. Whether the relationship ends or one of you dies. That is the circle of life.
About 2 weeks into our seeing each other in person, he came to my work to visit on my lunch break. After taking him around and introducing him to coworkers as well as the animals I was working with, he went home. That evening he had a massive emotional catch. When he got weird that afternoon, I came by to talk with him and touch base with what was going on in his head. When I came to his house, he was aggressively washing dishes and singing; apparently he does that when hes emotional/nervous. Once I got him to stop, our intense dialogue began. It can all really be summed up in the lyrics to Possum Kingdom by the Toadies.
Loki is my daddy. He is my accountability. His deep commanding voice in my ear reminding me of ways in which to take care of myself.
Loki is my owner, my master, but also my brother. His commands protecting and preserving my independence and self worth.
There is also something incredibly kinky and fulfilling about being possessed by someone respectable and responsible. His brotherly teasing presses my dominance, poking and prodding at my aggressive skill just to illicit a reaction just as intense as our passion for one another. He fills the marrow of self worth with compassion, validation, and undying adoration.
When we began dating, my now exhusband commented on my being more of a brat lately. Such disdain in his voice. When he expressed this, Lokis eyes seared through me with lust.
This relationship is teaching me exponentially about the power within myself and what I am capable of. I never thought I would find a match quite so intense and fulfilling.
Even aside from our kink, I admire the life we are building together. Our sights for the future are the same: no children. Exponential financial growth, travel, and a quiet life at home with our dogs. Maybe some swinging here and there.
The swinging part scares me a bit. After what I experienced in my poly life, swinging seems way safer. Loki insists we are together during all encounters. This is the foundation of our exploring for me. It is my security blanket, at this point. I do fear that my demisexuality will get in the way. But I suppose we shall see.
Once I decided to get a divorce, I really had to crack down on my work schedule. I now work with animals as well as serve tables. Working anywhere between 50 and 65 hours per week. I dont mind so much. I will just be glad when the debt gets paid. That being said, I barely have enough time to keep up with one partner; I am emotionally tapped out.
I met Loki on a dating app while I was still married as well as still poly. He and I had been talking off an on for a few weeks. We both were very cautious on meeting. I didn't know what to expect, but I knew he was for real, as we had progressed our communication to video responses and calls. I remember receiving the first few of his video responses. His aura spoke to me. It was like a fire was lit in my soul. His face seemed so frighteningly familiar. His voice a nostalgic breath on my spine. Our first kiss pierced my soul. His body was like a magnet pulling through mine as we ended up pressed against my massive movie shelf in our living room. I've been with good kissers, but this was beyond just good kissing. Our connection was incredible.
We spent several days in a row together after our initial meeting. We seemed to have a flow and a passion together that I've never found in anyone else. I recognized alot of my feelings as NRE, but NRE on an entirely different level that I hadn't experienced before. A grief. A grief so deep, it crushed me. My cousin had just commit suicide not even a year before. My best friend, my stepfather, and my mother have all died. The 4 greatest, most important people in my life. Love equals loss to me. Love was something else to lose at some point. Whether the relationship ends or one of you dies. That is the circle of life.
About 2 weeks into our seeing each other in person, he came to my work to visit on my lunch break. After taking him around and introducing him to coworkers as well as the animals I was working with, he went home. That evening he had a massive emotional catch. When he got weird that afternoon, I came by to talk with him and touch base with what was going on in his head. When I came to his house, he was aggressively washing dishes and singing; apparently he does that when hes emotional/nervous. Once I got him to stop, our intense dialogue began. It can all really be summed up in the lyrics to Possum Kingdom by the Toadies.
Loki is my daddy. He is my accountability. His deep commanding voice in my ear reminding me of ways in which to take care of myself.
Loki is my owner, my master, but also my brother. His commands protecting and preserving my independence and self worth.
There is also something incredibly kinky and fulfilling about being possessed by someone respectable and responsible. His brotherly teasing presses my dominance, poking and prodding at my aggressive skill just to illicit a reaction just as intense as our passion for one another. He fills the marrow of self worth with compassion, validation, and undying adoration.
When we began dating, my now exhusband commented on my being more of a brat lately. Such disdain in his voice. When he expressed this, Lokis eyes seared through me with lust.
This relationship is teaching me exponentially about the power within myself and what I am capable of. I never thought I would find a match quite so intense and fulfilling.
Even aside from our kink, I admire the life we are building together. Our sights for the future are the same: no children. Exponential financial growth, travel, and a quiet life at home with our dogs. Maybe some swinging here and there.
The swinging part scares me a bit. After what I experienced in my poly life, swinging seems way safer. Loki insists we are together during all encounters. This is the foundation of our exploring for me. It is my security blanket, at this point. I do fear that my demisexuality will get in the way. But I suppose we shall see.
There are many resources out there for both of you.