The Yo-Yo Effect

Yeah, I called him a few names, myself. He's not arguing about the fact it was stupid and he is wrong. He says he panicked and didn't know what to do when confronted. I reminded him of a time a few years back when he asked me if I was talking to an ex of mine and I was honest and said yes.

What's the point of lying? I hate lying. It's just a stupid thing. If you feel the need to hide shit or lie, YOU SHOULDNT BE DOING IT! I'm still mad, depressed and hurt. I honestly have no clue what to do.

Funny thing, he actually offered to go to marriage counseling this time, when in the past, it was always, "I'm not telling a stranger anything blah blah blah." I turned it down because... well... now I'm over here in a spot, thinking how many other lies or hiding shit is there? Is there ANY WAY I'm gonna trust him? Should I just walk away?

Like I told him, I have spent so long being the stay-at-home mom, always here doing everything, since he worked full time and I knew he was tired. I have never had a decent car, because when we do have one, he takes it, since he's got the full-time job and has to go further. I'm looking for full-time employment as close to here as possible. I am hoping in the next 6 months or so I will have a decent vehicle. Other than that, I'm just lost in trying to figure out where to go from here.

He has all the info for this site, as well as all others I have put stuff on. He's offered all his passwords for any site he is on. But honestly, I don't want them. I don't like the fact that it's him panicking about me walking out the door that has him wanting to hand over info. This is not the first time he's lied or hid stuff. I'm sure it wont be the last. Now it's just up to me to figure out how much I'm gonna believe, or if I care enough anymore.

Chris
 
Take him up on the offer of marriage counseling! It can seriously help in all the areas you mentioned. When we finally went, I was days away from filing divorce paperwork. In fact, I put it off until we met with the counselor. Part of what we were able to work on was developing a real partnership, when it came to household chores, house and car maintenance, the kids, etc. This was a really big deal. I had been complaining about it and building resentment for years, but it took that third party for him to see it was a real problem that he can't just tune out.
 
NeonKaos said:
Sure, take him up on the marriage counseling and pay someone else the big bucks to listen to him lie more.
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Honestly, I was thinking about that, too. Coming up with the money that's better spent feeding my kids to listen to him try to justify lying, or lie more. I think this is something he needs to figure out, and for once I can't say do this this and this and maybe things will be okay. I have no clue how this will be fixed this time, because I don't know how I can trust him again. In all these years, I guess I thought he knew me better than this.

C
 
Don't look at it as paying someone to listen to him lie.... think of it as an opportunity to learn to understand each other better; to be better people for each other and your kids. Kids are the first ones to pick up when something is wrong with mom and dad, so don't do it for him or yourself; do it for your kids.
 
just3 said:
Honestly...I was thinking about that too. Coming up with the money thats better spent feeding my kids to listen to him try to justify lying.. or lie more. I think this is something he needs to figure out and for once I cant say do this this and this and maybe things will be ok. I have no clue how this will be fixed this time because I dont know how I can trust him again. In all these years I guess I thought he knew me better than this.
C
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BrigidsDaughter said:
Don't look at it as paying someone to listen to him lie.... think of it as an opportunity to learn to understand each other better; to be better people for each other and your kids.
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No, do look at it as paying someone to listen to him lie. He has to want to change for HIMSELF, not for you and/or the kids.
 
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I won't say things have changed in the past couple months. Hours JUST went back to normal a week ago, so no talking has been done at all. Lots of apologies, but no discussions. I feel like he's put our relationship on the back burner, since it took him 2 months to even start to talk to me. I'm having trouble forgiving and forgetting.

I am sure that eventually we will be okay.

I was really frustrated 2 weeks ago when he decided he would finally say something to me and it was the same lame-ass excuses. But now he seems to be trying to make an effort instead of ignoring it and hoping it will just go away.

He even had my best friend over here tonight to celebrate my b-day. He actually did this all on his own. Normally I plan my own b-day, if it's even somewhat celebrated, so it's a big step. lol.

Hope things will get better soon. I hate living in silence.
 
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