Recent content by anita

Hi Ravenscroft. I'm not sure if you're implying that other people have a lot to learn about communication, or that you do, but I found you to be very aggressive and it seemed to me that you were more interesting in proving how right you were than any kind of mutually beneficial exchange with...

Oh I am not writing anything off. My love for her does not come with conditions. I have another partner already, but my feelings for my solo poly girlfriend are exceptional to anything I've experienced, and given her past I assumed that we closely shared relationship styles, hence my...

Thanks for the resource. I don't mean to suggest that solo poly is bad in any way, it is just very incompatible with me. I should specify, I don't care about the escalator. I'm not on it. As I think I mentioned earlier, I'd be just as content having her over for say 3 nights a week every now...

Update - y'all were right, she's solo poly. We talked about it last night. It's a new realization for her, because she was in a long term primary relationship until last year. It's a relief to be able to put into clear terms, but I'm also kind of an emotional wreck right now because of that...

Hear hear.

Don't mind the third person at all, and thank you for more thoughts again. Just so you know, I didn't take you to be criticising me or calling me misguided in any of your posts.

I think we both have very similar approaches. I have always been one for the long, hard road - and have been given long, hard roads aplenty! Right now I don't know where exactly these feelings are coming from and what they represent in terms of my own identity, but I have a few ideas, places to...

I can answer this question easily because it's something we've talked about as a couple - intimacy can be anything, as long as there is shared time and/or space. Physical touch, conversation, sex, all come into play, as do other things like keeping in touch via email or SMS throughout the week...

Glad to hear it went well! Of course they both showed up first :P

Thank you everyone for your advice and perspectives, it's so so helpful.. Jayblue122, at times I both would like more time with her and greater frequency. Something I value immensely is an extended period of time together, like an entire weekend, but I also very highly value seeing each other...

I certainly do have a history of doing defense mechanism-y things with my feelings.

It does, and I don't know whether I place that kind of pressure on myself. It may be the case that I do, without being aware of it. I am generally quite aware of the fact that we only have so much time together and "pull back" emotionally in anticipation of that, but if we're both feeling well...

The way I see it, if the only way you're used to thinking is manipulatively then it's hard to imagine that other people aren't also trying to be manipulative, even though it may be the case that they really aren't. To my understanding, triangulation is basically a manipulative communication...

Exactly, 100%, that's what I'm wondering. Very early in the relationship we came upon some painful difficulties because both of us had insecurities and other things, and part of resolving that involved me releasing my expectations of us and just letting the relationship be what it would. And to...

Oh I see. I guess what I meant by not having intimacy issues is that we've no trouble at all being intimate with one another. The thing of not being with each other enough isn't really an item of contention in the relationship at this point. I don't pine when I'm not with her and I actually do...