Recent content by diestel

Thank you all, especially GalaGirl, for your very helpful and practical posts!! I really appreciate it and it's very very helpful for me. I took a long time to reply. The stuff needed time to sink in! :) I'm very glad to be in conversation about this stuff. It's very supportive. As these...

Is it fine to tell Nest: listen, I need you to get your conditions under management and have your supports in place for staying in a relationship with you.

I went to coaching and started therapy. I acted on my boundaries to have two separate rooms. (Before, we shared one.) I tried to make regular weekly meetings with Nest happen, and tried to implement RADAR. We did this a couple times, but then discontinued because Nest cannot preplan nor commit...

This was very helpful advice. I told ex-lover he could not stay at our house. We all don't have much money. His flat situation is not stable/child friendly, so that's why usually staying over at our houses was the way to go during a city trip. I'm sure he found another adequate place, though.

Yes!!! He couldn't say. He is not able to communicate like that. But this would have made things so much easier, n less stressful!

Jah, it's a very disturbing topic somehow. Because as ex-lover n me, our relationship was (I'm not proud of it; it was very disturbing for me) kept secret from his wife. They had kind of a don't ask don't tell policy. Now they are divorced. With Nest and me it's more like practicing monogamy for...

Jah, unfortunately, it didn't happen that we went somewhere else. Ex-lover has reduced contact drastically since I told him. :/

Thank you. This I also totally feel. That opens my eyes as well, n made me ready for understanding that it's ok to tell ex-lover he cannot come, and own that decision.

Jah, in May this year. He is new to poly since we got together in 2017. Since then, we both have been practicing non-monogamy. He tried out how he felt about it, and in May 2024 he figured out that it's a burden and too stressful, that we had too many conflicts and he felt shuttered n insecure n...

I totally agree, and that's what I don't understand so much. We just recently met an ex of Nest, and spent a really good time together. It was very comfy and chill. It really depends on the type of person the ex is, I'm afraid. But I know that the values with me n Nest are very much on the...

Nest is acting very insecure. I also dunno what to do about it. But I guess the most important question is for me to ask myself: do I wanna be with someone who is that insecure? What limit of time do I set for myself to observe if there are changes to get better? And if not, I need to take...

I don't know. All I can do is tell ex-lover that I wanna be friends with him, n I'm respecting his choices, however they are, in regards to that.

I still wouldn't call myself monogamous, somehow. I agree, I'm practicing monogamy in the relationship with Nest currently, for an undefined time, until and unless we both decide differently. But my insides haven't changed.

I need to navigate through this. I wanna keep my friendship going with ex-lover. But now it seems after I told ex-lover that he cannot visit, he drastically reduced contact. He doesn't feel comfy contacting me anymore, knowing that it's a problem for Nest. It just sucks that he doesn't take my...

I totally agree!! Unfortunately money is the issue, n they cannot afford a hotel :(