Recent content by jenlou

  1. J

    Hi Wildflowers! Yes, I did get them, and thanks so much!! I just got back in town from a trip...

    Hi Wildflowers! Yes, I did get them, and thanks so much!! I just got back in town from a trip (to hometown, to deal with some last childhood items that were stored in my brother's attic), and will definitely reply to you soon. It was very helpful...Hope you are well!
  2. J

    Hopeless mismatch of needs? Or?? Need advice please.

    Thanks for the thoughts, NYCindie. I love how this forum makes me dig deep and articulate! I know what you mean. Hearing your perspective is helpful in reminding me that people's needs and desires can be so different... This ending has been a good impetus for me to get clarity on just what it...
  3. J

    Advice Needed: Kids, Catholicism, and more.

    My main concern is for the kid. I'm assuming that you're going to be honest with the children about you being the biological mother. This puts them in the position of having to lie to hubby's family. And maybe others, too? How far does the secret have to extend to "keep it under wraps"? It's one...
  4. J

    Hopeless mismatch of needs? Or?? Need advice please.

    Thanks to everyone for your support!! It helps so much. Yes, Steve may be monoamorous. He’s wondering. I am his first romantic relationship outside his marriage. Before, it was just non-monogamy/NSA sex. I know we’ll discuss this in therapy. GalaGirl, I love the need & feelings inventories...
  5. J

    Advice Needed: Kids, Catholicism, and more.

    While hubby’s family might "come around,” it seems highly unlikely, so I second Bookbug that you have to be prepared to lose them. What is certain is that it will be a major disruption for everyone, and you risk losing your, your child's, your husband's and Secondary's close relationships with...
  6. J

    Hopeless mismatch of needs? Or?? Need advice please.

    The Big Picture: Our misunderstanding about the “cancellation” aside, we agreed on our retreat that we want different and incompatible things. I need some kind of consistency to our contact, and for him to share my desire and be committed to making sure that happens. I want him as a partner...
  7. J

    Hopeless mismatch of needs? Or?? Need advice please.

    Hi everyone, A lot has happened in the past couple of weeks, and my mind/heart is spinning trying to digest it all. It’s been a fruitful, painful, exciting, sad time. This post is very long; I’m a bit self-conscious about that. For those of you who do choose to read the whole think, thank you...
  8. J

    Hopeless mismatch of needs? Or?? Need advice please.

    Oh my god. Ok, I am so totally blown away by the perceptiveness of you all, and your beautiful articulate precise way of expressing yourselves!!! Just have to say right off, this experience of posting and then interacting with you has been so unexpectedly amazing and nurturing and growthful...
  9. J

    Hopeless mismatch of needs? Or?? Need advice please.

    Boy oh boy. This is all helpful and clarifying. And saddening too. Thanks for the perspectives on selfishness and courtesy, everyone. KC43, I like your oxygen mask analogy. No, I don't think he's treating me in a loving manner here either. I think he's treating me like a very casual play partner...
  10. J

    Hopeless mismatch of needs? Or?? Need advice please.

    Thanks so much for your feedback KC43. I read your first sentence and cried for five minutes, so I think it rings true. And it feels so, so good to read those words...I guess I was really needing some validation. And thanks for the reminder about any feeling being valid. I do think that I've...
  11. J

    Excited about poly -- challenged :-) --glad to be here!

    Thanks so much for your kind words, Kevin T! It's wonderful to feel a community around this. Happy to be here... jenlou
  12. J

    Excited about poly -- challenged :-) --glad to be here!

    Hi everyone! I'm very grateful to this board and all the wise people on it. Time to introduce myself... I'm currently in a poly relationship (my first) with my long-term boyfriend Steve. Steve's married to Susan; they're solid, happy, and Susan also has a long-term girlfriend. Steve and I...
  13. J

    Hopeless mismatch of needs? Or?? Need advice please.

    Hello everyone, This is my first post on the forum, though I have checked in here many a time to see how other people handle issues that come up in poly relationships. I am in awe of the level of smartness and self-awareness here, and first off want to say thank you to all the posters who share...
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