Recent content by lavendarboi

Yes definitely! I've been working on the whole, "perfectionism doesn't exist and is part of a social system intended to severe you from yourself and others" in therapy so I recognise that my stubbornness directly correlates to the fact that I am incredibly hard on myself and hold myself to a...

Well, we had our date that he initially said he couldn't be available for. It went really well, which is our usual. I asked him if I could see him that weekend he'd mentioned he had available. While I was working on a follow-up text about how I wanted him to come over to my place, because I...

Definitely sounds like a complicated situation. One thing I always ask myself is, "Do I actually want this, or do I think I should want this?" Is there a way to compromise with your partner? Have you questioned why you feel it's all one way or nothing? Maybe think about whether it's an option...

Yes I can appreciate what you are saying here. I'm not going to stop seeing him but I'm definitely going to pump the breaks. I'm also dating other folks but nothing has really evolved out of that yet but I continue to see others. I had 2 other dates this week with new folks and next week I...

Yeah this is basically where I'm at as well! It's fine to say that there should be no expectations but there were already expectations from the beginning the minute you speak to someone about what you are looking for. If he couldn't make time for someone weekly barring emergencies, trips etc...

Yeah I definitely agree which is why I asked for less texting. It's totally okay that he doesn't mind not seeing me for two weeks but that's not what he *said* which is why it's confusing and a potential red flag. He literally prefaced telling me he wouldn't be able to see me for two weeks by...

Thanks for this advice, I needed to hear it I think. I'll back off and just let things be and focus on myself 😌 Also holding space for the fact that I'm human and I make mistakes.

Hey there, just wanted to say that as someone who is trans (trans man) and had this type of relationship with another trans person (trans femme) I have recognized that with other queer people these feelings are pretty heightened in eays that they just aren't for non-queer people. Not saying...

I'm unpartnered for the first time in 9 years. Last year, I got our of a pretty traumatic polycule situation. I've only dated one person in the year since it happened. That has ended as well. Nothing unusual there. It just didn't work out. I moved to the other side of the US for a fresh start...

You are absolutely right about the contradiction which is why I've already told Ester that despite our talk and agreement to remain friends my thoughts on the circumstances are such that I believe our values do not align and that I wish them the best.

Unfortunately, this is something that I already knew about: Shay does not have strong boundaries. But I didn't realise it would affect me in this way. I know that Shay and Ester both will have to learn their own lessons, but I can't be around when it happens, because I need to move on. It will...

This is what I am hoping to achieve. Thank you for the feedback!

Shay had already broken things off with Jazz, but went back and started to talk to them a week later, and after hearing 'Jazz's side of the story,' decided that Jazz didn't mean to hurt me, even though Shay was there the whole 4 months of this relationship to see how it affected me, and despite...

I used to believe these exact things, but after this experience I am realizing how important trust and safety is in relationships. This person continually lied to me in order to continue a sexual relationship with me, because they knew if they asked to de-escalate I would take sex off the table...

For context: https://polyamory.com/threads/the-ending-of-my-polycule.156183/#post-498949 Update: Ester came over Monday and we had a talk about everything. They basically just wanted me to justify to them their proximity to someone who basically lied to me for months, regardless of reasons...