Recent content by madgrey

  1. M

    Poly Journalizing!

    Welp. Had a weak moment, exacerbated by some borked software settings, and ended up looking at Tom's Twitter feed. He definitely swooped for the ex. Not only swooped, but fawned. I can't tell if they're back together or what, but.... **shrugs** This is not a man who is simply too busy or...
  2. M

    Sailing Solo

    Oh gosh, how heartbreaking. I'm so, so sorry. FWIW, people here are listening. I see your grief, even if we're strangers. *big hugs*
  3. M

    What online games are you into?

    I'm jumping back into WoW for Shadowlands! I need to upgrade my hard drive first; I'm doing that this evening. I've been playing intermittently since it was released, but I haven't touched it in a couple years. At the risk of sounding like a huge nerd, I sometimes dream in Azeroth. :) My...
  4. M

    Really bad night of talks with wife, and now it's my birthday

    Happy belated birthday! I'm so glad things improved enough to leave you in a great mood for a while. Also 41 here and loving it. :cool:
  5. M

    Poly Journalizing!

    I have...very little to update? But I don't want to let this journal slide entirely. So. I'm feeling much better lately, for assorted reasons. (*coughelectioncough*) I've widened my circle of friends quite a bit (online-only, for now) and I've been playing Among Us with a group of fellow...
  6. M

    Anyone read the novel Luster?

    I've had several poly and poly-adjacent folks recommend the novel Luster by Raven Leilani. However, from what I can glean, it's more about wealth/privilege, race, and general human awfulness than polyamory. (Also the husband at the center of it sounds like an absolute bag of dicks.) OTOH, it's...
  7. M

    Poly Journalizing!

    A few updates. (1) This particular breakup has been excruciating. I think because it was preceded by friendship, and that friendship seems to have collapsed into silence, too. Also, because of the timing--my household is isolating for family medical reasons, so I tend to sit inside and think...
  8. M

    Poly Journalizing!

    A quick followup thought on something I wrote last night.... For me, this is super bad news, when I "fall" all over Vino like this. Lately, it only happens when I'm deeply hurt. But for the first decade or so of our relationship, I depended totally and solely on him for emotional support. And...
  9. M

    Poly Journalizing!

    So...the therapist thing. This will be longwinded, in part to answer your question, and in part because I kinda want to talk about it anyway. I'm lucky in two respects: first, I have insurance with strong mental health benefits, and second, I've had VERY good experiences addressing...
  10. M

    Hi from Anna

    Hi Anna! Just wanted to say I feel you on the small town. I'm from a similar background, and it wasn't until my mid-twenties that I had any conception of a valid relationship beyond strict monogamy. I still struggle with mono-normative thinking at times. The social pressures to conform in a...
  11. M

    Poly Journalizing!

    Short update. Found a poly-friendly therapist! I've been looking for one for a while, with no luck--everyone's been booked solid. The first session went really well, although it did leave me missing Tom much more than before. I think it was just a product of thinking about him for the...
  12. M

    Poly Journalizing!

    Okay. I sent the cute guy a message. Let's see if he replies. Que sera sera. **twitches with anxiety**
  13. M

    Change in all the areas of my life...

    FWIW, this sounds amazing, covid or no. Happy birthday to the smol person! 🥳
  14. M

    Poly Journalizing!

    Couple thoughts for today. FIRST. A bit of a plot twist involving a red flag in my relationship with Tom. He had an ex with borderline personality disorder--she dropped him, very abruptly. When he and I got involved, they hadn't spoken in a year and a half. He seemed...exceptionally fond of...
  15. M

    Any good apps/website for meet ups?

    I'm thinking of giving Feeld a try. If I do, I'll report back. I downloaded it a while back, but the registration was a little glitchy, so I gave up on it. Might try again. It seems a bit edgy for my usual tastes, but it's indisputably enm-focused, which hooked me.