Recent content by Matcha Matcha Man

Yes, this is my position. It’s my partner who decouples the two things. Thanks for the affirmation. Right, there is nuance here. I’m fine with having “just sex” partners, so in that sense I can also decouple sex and love. And I have friends who I love in a non-romantic way. What I’m not ok with...

I don’t think it’s cause and effect, though I see what you’re getting at. I’m taking it at face value where she says the issue is that once the NRE burns out she loses interest in sex whether an intimate emotional connection develops or not. Possibly, though I doubt she’d feel obligated to...

I’m sorry to hear that happened to you. It’s not exactly encouraging but it’s a valuable perspective so thank you for sharing your story. I think that my finding another partner will help take some of the stress off both of us. My concern is that if my sexual connection with my partner has...

Still a helpful perspective, thanks.

Yeah, it fits in with her idea that the initial phase of a relationship is the time when the sexual energy and connection is highest (which is pretty much a given) and that after some time it completely goes away (which I think is far from universal). It’s after that passes that the decoupling...

Yeah, a particularly porny double standard. Not that I have a problem with porn per se but it can reinforce stereotypes that are at best lazy, and I feel like swingers clubs are mostly populated by people who consume that mindset uncritically. Where we live there are a few swingers’ clubs that...

Will edit this heavily as I think I addressed most of what you said already in my overlong answers to others. Our son is 9. I also have an older son (nearly 20) from a previous relationship who was living with us pretty much full time until about a year ago. She readily decouples sex and...

We’re definitely not swingers. We both get the ick with that scene. For me it’s way too hetro, often homophobic, and women are used as a kind of currency. Yes women have a lot of agency and control in the swinger world but who a guy gets to have sex with depends a lot on how hot his wife is. For...

Yes, I believe that is true for both of us. This is definitely going to be part of the conversation. I don’t think she is looking for an excuse to leave me. But I do think the current conflict is in part because I have never said “no” in the past to her about anything regarding other sexual...

She readily admits that. She also has doubts about how healthy that is and if it’s a pattern that does not serve her in the long term. But yes, having a lover who represents a fun escape from her daily life is attractive to her. I think I would definitely _also_ like to be with someone who...

So to sum up: Thanks for the thoughtful replies so far. I’m aware that my partner and I have existing challenges regarding a mismatch in desire (for whatever reason). What I’m hoping to hear is from people who have navigated NRE situations in a way that strengthened or at least helped to...

I don’t feel hopeless, but I do think we’re in a tough spot poly or no. We have been communicating well about this and we do still have a lot of overlapping goals and we would both like to find a way to stay together. I may have overstated the situation, making it sound worse than it is, as...

Pretty close, though the desert is dotted with cacti and there’s an occasional oasis in there. It’s not strictly two years. She has another lover FWB style that she met shortly after she and I got together. But it’s long distance and they see each other at most six tines a year, so she’s...

Yeah that’s not a dynamic in our case. When she started dating separately I was hoping for that, And while she’s happy sharing the details of her experiences with me (which is something we actually bond over) she is mystified at how I think anything she does sexually with someone else without my...

Hopefully she will create an account and give her own perspective at some point, but English is not her first language and it’s a lot more work for her. I’ll do my best to explain my understanding of her thoughts and feelings as she has explained them to me. I think she’s very much still in an...