Recent content by NeilS

Bottom line , when it comes to sex there were several reasons for Ingela to at least currently make the choice to go back to monogamy as opposed to staying with polyamory . I could list them all but fear and jealousy seemed to be the biggest factors . But all that really is beside my main...

You are quite welcome. I think in both cases I outlined I wasn't being told the most important thing . That they were falling in love with another guy in a way that would eventually mean that significant changes would probably happen . We don't live in a fair world and we tend to act primarily...

That's clear to you ha ? How do you know ? Quite funny how it could be "clear" to a third party when nothing about it is clear to me or probably her. In my view , given her monogamy mindset , she acted out of fear of losing Mr monogamy to another woman since that was the consistent and constant...

One thing really stands out to me . If you don't want to ruin your current relationship, don't even suggest ever being with his best friend. Even if he were to agree to it . Imagine him being with your best girlfriend ? And this especially since he obviously is monogamy mind set oriented...

It's funny , I'm not sure about how Ingela really feels about Don . I think that has been confusing given the combination of her dramatically downplaying her feelings while simultaneously acting as though she does have strong feelings for him. I mainly take my cues on actions now given the...

Hard truth is painful but way less so than finding out through my partner's actions later in my view . I never got angry with Ingela . She is a person that has a hard time knowing what her feelings are and then being able to live with them . I was doing my best to help her with that not be...

I agree totally of course . And ironically I think Ingela and I took turns minimizing other intimates to the detriment of our relationship in the longer run . Because both our actions later told the truth anyway

Thanks Kevin for the well written feedback. Probably at this point the most important person to rebuild trust in would be myself. It's a kind of problem . Even though I'm not new to polyamory I've never gone through an experience nearly like I have with Ingela. The things you say were red...

For 20 some years I was in a monogamous relationship with Hilary . About 10 years ago we opened up our relationship. It's been a total of 33 years we've lived together and fortunately with no end in sight, partly because of polyamory. But around the 20 year mark she started an affair online ...

Thanks Magdlyn great idea And Diana has never had a Bf in these 8.5 years I've been with her ..so easy :) I woke up this morning feeling like ' why try to push things in any particular direction with Ingela ? ' She texted me after 10 days because she misses me and invited me out to...

Bottom line , if she wants to spend more time together , we can .. things are only relevant based on what she and I want .. its a basic premise of friendship. In my view monogamous relationships got hijacked by the nature of business and territory and misogynist male attitudes

Yea Magdlyn , all your points are excellent. And since I haven't met my default Meta I have no clue what he'd be able to handle . At this point with his monogamy status why would he agree to anything polyamory oriented ? He now possesses her as far as monogamy does that . I suppose on my part...

Hi Magdlyn Thanks for the interesting reply .I appreciate your input . I'm starting to wonder how common it is for ones person to go monogamy with ones meta because the meta isn't polyamorous ? But instead is getting manipulative ? So, there's been a development with this woman . She sent...

That's a great point and I did tell her I am grateful she tried . But I think if I attempt another poly relationship I will know more about how to judge my risks going into it .

It's the kind of lesson that could be learned without going through it probably... if I had realized the importance of it and the nearly inevitable nature of it. But at the time I was happy to be hearing the intellectual reasoning coming from her that she would try and would tell the new guy...