Recent content by valelapena

Sounds like a stupid question on a poly site, but I'm serious. Do you wait a day between dates? Do you date any/all days? Do you do anything special to clear your mind of one person before spending time with another? I'm struggling with having spent an amazing weekend with one partner +...

So frustrated.

So - faster than the speed of light we are now officially a "poly" couple who are currently in a closed relationship. Though we had agreed to remain "mono" until we had worked through our issues - he's been sabotaging left and right and been completely resentful of everything related to our...

YouAreHere I agree with your view of how it might be - it feels more reasonable (to me) and something I could come more to terms with over time I think. What MightyMax said was specifically "yearning" and that definitely irks me to think will be my fate. Anyone "yearning" to be with someone...

I agree that's not cool, too. But I don't know what to expect/what would be reasonable. I'm just responding to what MightyMax said before about his "yearning" for one partner while with another partner.

It's all good advice, (and thank you all greatly for it!) definitely to help offset the issue. But I guess it still hangs in the air for me - partially because of what someone else said earlier in that they could never truly and fully compartmentalize and even stop thinking/yearning for another...

Yes - thank you for that. As someone new and struggling, it's great to be reminded there IS an up side and sometimes it's not even complicated or painful. :)

Hi kdt26417! Ha - no he isn't bad at all 90% of the time! He's really great. If I've given the impression he is awful - he can be awful at times, but so can I. I have no illusions about this. This last week has left us both bloody and beaten though and we are having a really hard time bridging...

And more questions....to live with someone or not? Argh. It's been a really rough day here. We've had many discussions about various things from money and chores to how to handle spontaneous date requests (vs. planned dates). What is coming up for me tonight and is eating me alive is that...

nycindie i love this statement. it resonates so loudly with me - i am marking it in my mind in extra thick sharpie. thank you. Leetah Yes, when i was friends with him he had quite a sordid group of relationships in which he fought with his partners a lot. I cannot agree with you more for...

Invi - thank you for your story! That actually is an interesting thought. Periods of interactive time (like movie or in our case - video games) being radio silent instead of whole days could definitely work well. Leetah - your questions are very welcome and appreciated of course! We've been...

GalaGirl - my desired outcome is that we manage to both be dating other people and remain interested in some form of little life together like we have now. I have no illusions that this "little life" of ours will completely change and honestly cannot see through the fog as to what that might...

So right GalaGirl. I don't know why this partner other than the whole reason I am entering into it is because of him. I am deeply in love with him and have been for years but then he realized he really couldn't be mono with me. So - after a lot of thought and reading and learning I realized...

specifics ok so i think maybe it will be more impactful (to either support or destroy) my argument with specifics so here they are.... I said i thought rules around communication with other partners would make me feel more comfortable. As it is he is on his phone all the time and it drives me...

One of us (me) is willing to negotiate and gave lots of ground. One of us (him) is not. The little ground he was willing to allow me he is angry about and actually negates its worth. I am NEW to poly and he isn't. HOW is this possible?! My understanding is it's all compromise and discussion...