Ok so title is a play on words. I figure I can't have a beginning blog since I have now been poly for 15ish years.
Some notes
I don't like safe spaces. So feel free to dialog and challenge. When I was admin I never really liked the idea of a safe space because I am a debater and discusser. So ask questions, challenge. I appreciate being proven wrong.
For those that don't know me. Been here a long time and now a days I only tend to come back when negative things are happening. In part because this forum is so old school I am not worried about most folks in my area joining and recognizing me and honestly my regular life is boring. I work I have 2 partners and a kid and we just exist. There isn't much to talk about
So to catch up. 15 years poly, 25ish years enm. Dabbled in some swinging (mostly open) fairly successful unicorn hunter in the most excellent sense and in general haven't been mono since the late 90s.
Finding poly for me was a kick in the balls. I fell in love with a unicorn, drama ensues and I spend .. crap 2 years figuring out who I am, what I am and how the hell can you love more than 1. Sex is easy. Love isn't
I want walk through every event don't worry. The highlights
Dated someone on this forum for 6 months total. Honestly she was amazing and I learned I should never ever ever do an ldr. I require physical touch and ldrs don't suit how I relate. Honestly I was emotionally unstable and appreciate the lesson. But it burned some bridges.
I was then in a quad for 11 years or so. Married owned a house etc. That was a disaster and I wouldn't ever own with other people again. Quad exploded around COVID and really is just exposed the cracks in the relationship(s). I walked away from this one refinding why I was non mono. I liked sex. A live in quad produced almost no sex. And we were locked by happenstance. So that sucked
Through all of that I still foundationally believe I am open (or enm) who can love. That hasn't changed. I don't identify as poly. It's one aspect of how I relate to folks. Oh and kinky too. Primal animalist sensual pleasure top. When I have the time anyways. Usually it's just trying to break beds.
Next relationship has been super smooth, except for a 6 month stint where I was a jealous wreck. This lesson has to come with some serious introspection and counselling. I realized I needed to clearly articulate my needs (which means knowing them) and understand my boundaries. I had never really thought that in depth about it. By the end I was more settled and she is still an amazing partner in my life. We can call her A. (Ironically first name a)
Oh my wife. 25 years married and amazing. We can call her B (ironically her first name starts with b. She is on this forum somewhere). Been through it all with me. She is a hippy at heart and probably the absolute purest poly person I have encountered. She has never worried or been jealous. She just trusts me and her partners to be in her life.
Ok back to me. And why I am back I started dating someone 6 months ago almost to the day. Our 6 month anniversary was mar 1. Also my birthday. She and her hubby are swingers and he fell in love with someone. She fell in love with someone (me).. and this were good for 4 months, were were highly compatible sexually and I was a calm safe space for her. Life is brutal for her. Busy AF and a hubby who is chaos personified. He lost his partner and immediately started to push to get me. My gf, K did try hard but the stress day to day was too much. And as of yesterday I have been vetoed
So that's the lesson I am working through now. Trying to understand how to re-navigate not having a matching sexual partner, again. Am I destined for this. All of the counselling I did last year has helped me not spiral into a "I am ugly and not worthy" narrative for now. But that show could drop.
This is my first time getting screwed by the proverbial couples privilege. And it blows. I 100 percent support couples priority for tactical reasons. We are all adults and have adult responsibilities. If you aren't enmeshed than there should be a priority somewhere. Doesn't mean you love someone more than another. Basically I accepted my spot quite happily as a secondary. I took up little space but jealousy got the better of my ex meta.
Anyways. Lots of ponder. More counselling to go to. And at 51.. I am getting long in the years in this new world poly. It's packed full of people but they are all in their 20s.. sheesh.
Some notes
I don't like safe spaces. So feel free to dialog and challenge. When I was admin I never really liked the idea of a safe space because I am a debater and discusser. So ask questions, challenge. I appreciate being proven wrong.
For those that don't know me. Been here a long time and now a days I only tend to come back when negative things are happening. In part because this forum is so old school I am not worried about most folks in my area joining and recognizing me and honestly my regular life is boring. I work I have 2 partners and a kid and we just exist. There isn't much to talk about
So to catch up. 15 years poly, 25ish years enm. Dabbled in some swinging (mostly open) fairly successful unicorn hunter in the most excellent sense and in general haven't been mono since the late 90s.
Finding poly for me was a kick in the balls. I fell in love with a unicorn, drama ensues and I spend .. crap 2 years figuring out who I am, what I am and how the hell can you love more than 1. Sex is easy. Love isn't
I want walk through every event don't worry. The highlights
Dated someone on this forum for 6 months total. Honestly she was amazing and I learned I should never ever ever do an ldr. I require physical touch and ldrs don't suit how I relate. Honestly I was emotionally unstable and appreciate the lesson. But it burned some bridges.
I was then in a quad for 11 years or so. Married owned a house etc. That was a disaster and I wouldn't ever own with other people again. Quad exploded around COVID and really is just exposed the cracks in the relationship(s). I walked away from this one refinding why I was non mono. I liked sex. A live in quad produced almost no sex. And we were locked by happenstance. So that sucked
Through all of that I still foundationally believe I am open (or enm) who can love. That hasn't changed. I don't identify as poly. It's one aspect of how I relate to folks. Oh and kinky too. Primal animalist sensual pleasure top. When I have the time anyways. Usually it's just trying to break beds.
Next relationship has been super smooth, except for a 6 month stint where I was a jealous wreck. This lesson has to come with some serious introspection and counselling. I realized I needed to clearly articulate my needs (which means knowing them) and understand my boundaries. I had never really thought that in depth about it. By the end I was more settled and she is still an amazing partner in my life. We can call her A. (Ironically first name a)
Oh my wife. 25 years married and amazing. We can call her B (ironically her first name starts with b. She is on this forum somewhere). Been through it all with me. She is a hippy at heart and probably the absolute purest poly person I have encountered. She has never worried or been jealous. She just trusts me and her partners to be in her life.
Ok back to me. And why I am back I started dating someone 6 months ago almost to the day. Our 6 month anniversary was mar 1. Also my birthday. She and her hubby are swingers and he fell in love with someone. She fell in love with someone (me).. and this were good for 4 months, were were highly compatible sexually and I was a calm safe space for her. Life is brutal for her. Busy AF and a hubby who is chaos personified. He lost his partner and immediately started to push to get me. My gf, K did try hard but the stress day to day was too much. And as of yesterday I have been vetoed
So that's the lesson I am working through now. Trying to understand how to re-navigate not having a matching sexual partner, again. Am I destined for this. All of the counselling I did last year has helped me not spiral into a "I am ugly and not worthy" narrative for now. But that show could drop.
This is my first time getting screwed by the proverbial couples privilege. And it blows. I 100 percent support couples priority for tactical reasons. We are all adults and have adult responsibilities. If you aren't enmeshed than there should be a priority somewhere. Doesn't mean you love someone more than another. Basically I accepted my spot quite happily as a secondary. I took up little space but jealousy got the better of my ex meta.
Anyways. Lots of ponder. More counselling to go to. And at 51.. I am getting long in the years in this new world poly. It's packed full of people but they are all in their 20s.. sheesh.
