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Here's the thing, not everyone can. But some can. I have 2 partners that I love very much. Now I'd say it's true that I DO love them in different ways, but that's just because the relationships have different dynamics, my partners have different personalities, and one partner I've been with...

Is there a reason that you really need to define yourself and what you are or what you want long term right now? My suggestion would be to accept that you want the freedom of not living with someone else right now, and that this may never change, or it may change. But particularly when you're...

Ah, I guess I was typing my response while you were typing yours, so I didn't have any of this information when I wrote my original reply. If your husband isn't willing to own his part in all of this, then there's really going to be limits to what you can do other than to continue to assert...

So I actually am living a very similar experience right now minus a few caveats. Granted, my nesting partner (NP) and I have been together for only 5 years, and I don't have the same "don't have the same passion for my spouse" issue. I still have lots of desire for my partner and we have a...

Have you talked to your husband about the things that you've learned that you do enjoy about sex? You don't have to say "my other partner does X and it's soooo much better!" But you could say "hey, I'd like to do more of x, y, and z in bed. Is that something you would be up for?" And if he's...

OMG YES!! This so much! Referring to the pivot person in a chain of relationships may really only be used in the communities of dating relationships. But it exists in chains of friend dynamics, family, and everything else. I think there are just more likely to be bad boundary issues in...

Fair point and probably not the best choice of words on my part. MOST of human culture is this way. Though I vaguely recall seeing and article where countries were surveyed regarding an extensive list of various women's rights and other issues which determined that the US is still nowhere near...

The fact that you recognize that you've lost your 1 on 1 time more as a matter of habit than because you don't want time with each other is a great start. Is that something that you have both acknowledge out loud to each other? If not, I'd first suggest having that convo to make sure that you...

If you find it helpful at all.... I think that many long term mono couples that open up often feel a sort of desire to "protect" their partners. Especially men given our culture. While many will often say that they trust their partners, etc. etc. I have heard many a "but I just want to make...

I'm fluid bonded with my NP but neither of us is fluid bonded with anyone else. We'd each be open to it if we had another long term partner that didn't engage in much casual sex (which would always have to use condoms for anything other than oral) and as long as they weren't also fluid bonded...

I think the points made in the last several posts are all good. My argument of saying "hey, if everyone is consenting, then it's not bad" is meant to be just that. Pointing out that ALL parties must be consenting. I acknowledge that if a couple comes in with all sorts of outrageous rules and...

The thing is.... YOU say it's horrible that a couple would treat someone that way, but if they tell someone 100% up front that those guidelines are specifically what they are looking for and all they are up for and those are their boundaries, then that's their call. In my opinion, having all...

I've always been a pretty staunch defender that when people automatically shit all over hierarchy, they're being just as bad as the thing they hate. The reality is, anyone can want what they want, and people can relationship however they want to relationship. What matters is that they...

I definitely find it uncomfortable to be asked things by a partner when it comes to their dating life as if they need my permission. My NP, who tends to lean more hierarchical than me, checks in often when it comes to him dating someone, and he will often phrase things in a way that tend to...

Honestly, I find that kids are super resilient and you need to base how you act around your kids on how well they adjust to things. Some kids adjust to this sort of information really quickly and easily, others don't. My partner and his wife told their kids about being poly (kids were 6 and 8)...

I also agree that therapy is an absolute must if your wife isn't already seeing someone. For someone to be so ok with something that they are the one initiating it, only to then later be completely revolted by it tells me that they have some deeper issues that they are ignoring. Is she trying...

I think most of the people I've talked to in my local poly community want or expect sheets to be changed between sexual activity with partners. Honestly, I just think it's common courtesy. Even with condoms, sex can be messy. It can be sweaty, vagina having partners also have bodily fluids...

Sorry if you don't want people to respond to your blog. Ignore this if that's the case. But I was wondering if y'all have had discussions as a triad about the fact that a triad is fundamentally 4 different relationships. The relationship with all 3,and then each of you having an individual...

Even as someone who considers themselves polysaturated, I'm always tempted when I meed a person who I find attractive and interesting. I find that it actively takes effort to pause and remind myself "hey, as great as they seem, you don't have time for that!" In fact, even on a friend level I...

I think you misinterpreted my statement. When I was referring to people who "can't make it work." I'm not implying that everyone should be able to be poly and that mono people are wrong or less. I'm talking about the people that actually WANT to be polyamorous but can't seem to make it work...