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Good point. I just came home from having the talk. I can't really remember how I phrased those. But really! Only two loaded questions \o/ I felt quite aggressive myself, so I think that was an achievement in itself. The biggest thing I got from the conversation is that he keeps making mistakes...

12 things I'm going to ask Salamander today. In random order. 1. Why did you keep me waiting for these answers? And what have you done/what are you going to do to make the things better? 2. Were you surprised I dumped you on the spot? 3. Did you consider the promises you had made to me before...

Love? And note: they don't share the guy. He's married to one and is the other ones brother. The women have lots of fun when alone and then occasionally the man comes home to his wife and sister and they are both happy to see him. The three of them are close and care for each other and love each...

Thanks for you replies :) More opinions are welcomed. AlwaysGrowing: In the story the two women mostly live together as the man travels (and always has) a lot. So maybe they've found a way to deal with noises on those occasions he's home. :D Thanks SchrodingersCat. I also came across a...

Deeper reasons? None of the suggested seemed to apply to me. Maybe my reason is that I tend to challenge things that are culturally taken for granted, like how to take care and raise a child or gender roles or… relationship styles. I like to learn about other cultures (both past and present) and...

I write fiction, and for some time now I've wanted to write polyamorous characters and now I have a story that they would fit in. I started to think about these people: who are they, what is their relationship like? And I decided I wanted them to have a V relationship, but then for other reasons...

Sorry to have kept you waiting. I missed your questions earlier. Good thing I came back to this thread now. I wasn't always like this. But I've learned from experience and through lots and lots of thinking. But to learn, one must be motivated and you can't force feed motivation on anyone. I...

I would love to be on the side for several people. I've been thinking that I should avoid primary style relationships for a while, until I've figured out some stuff on my own. First I thought of anything polylike when I was married. I felt that things might work if my husband had another woman...

12 things on neediness: Truth is, I wasn't exactly happy with Salamander in the last months. We'd gotten stuck in seeing each other a lot more than neither one was comfortable with. This happened because we liked each others company so much and were unable to say that we'd take time for...

This is an important thing to realize and remember for anyone living with a needy person like the ones described in this thread. I am one. And just the other day I was trying to figure out how to be happy in a relationship. I had realized my neediness a long time ago and I don't like the trait...

I really like this thread. This is something I've long wondered about. How can you know that you don't know something. How could Bob and Carl become wise enough to understand their situation and get to a point where one would give more information adn one would ask for more information before...

Well, sarcasm is usually lost on me anyway :D I feel the same as you that it is reasonable to expect to be shared the kind of information that would affect you or your plans. I find the idea of having to lie to someone confusing. Why would anyone have to lie? The way I see is people choose to...

I was drawn to this thread by the title. I was lied to and cheated in a polyamorous (well… transitioning from practical mono to poly) relationship. And yes. It is very much possible. Lying to me is telling untruths or even half truths and intentionally misleading someone. From what you tell me...

London, exactly. That was what I was thinking about. A couple of years ago when I was single I met one person I fell in love with, but due to many reasons I realized a primary relationship would never work. I was afraid to pursue anything before I had a primary type relationship (and then I...

Wow :D It's clear that I'm really new to all this and you know what you are talking about :D I really like 1, 2 and 5. I have no need for a rule like 3, but I understand why you need it, and would respect such a rule if I met someone like you. It's great to read how others think about things...

Wow, I was surprised to see that this thread was so short. This is something I would like to discuss, so I', resurrecting it. Nycindies questions are so good. I'm going to answer from a secondary point of view, because my expectations are different for a primary type relationship. As a...

12 things on secondary/primary relationships. More questions this time it seems and less statements. Your thoughts are greatly appreciated. 1. It seems I need both levels of relationship commitment. 2. Primary to me would mean that there is someone I'm willing to share my life with and who is...

This is what I was looking for. No right or wrong, just how you handle the situation. Thank you for your story :) No that is not what I'm asking. I just want to hear other peoples experiences, so that I don't need to make all the mistakes myself. I don't know about you, but I do know how to...

To fight off the anxiety, stress and melancholy these past weeks have caused me, I think I need to list positive things this whole thing has taught me. 1. I know I have friends. 2. I'm finally able to talk about anything with anyone. 3. I don't need to worry about people finding out I'm...

I feel like being open about your timeframe is a good idea. Just try to find a way to express it in a way that doesn't put pressure on others. Would it help to say to the others and to say that they too need to take care of themselves (which the wife is doing by asking time to adjust). Also…...