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And, no, not a ton of confusion and distress- just earned caution. I was wanting any collective wisdom from people who had made friends successfully from an ex situation that involved a jealous partner, or could provide a perspective. It’s a path I haven’t done before, but one I suspect would...

And yeah, I think a recap or names would be helpful next time. I tend to post what I think are posts containing the relevant info for that question, but people have longer memories than I give credit for. I couldn’t see it confusing when I was talking about one- past- partner- and it was...

Boundaries are difficult and complicated to figure out at times, but I don’t think I’ve let anyone recently go over the line of what makes me happy without quickly addressing and adjusting, (letting other bust my boundaries) and don’t feel I’m intruding on other’s happiness (busting others) Or...

What in there was poor boundaries?

It’s not a place I am now, but it was a small community who was close anyways, and like I talked about, he was my husband’s chosen family. In the end, I socialized when I wanted to, for sure, but I was so grateful because we had moved away from my husband’s community for my work; my ex disn’r...

GalaGirl— Does it just sound “common” to you that people let others control who they are frejnds with, or would you consider that an okay, healthy behavior to take on? I feel it as unethical- but wondering if that is my ethics, or general ethics, even if common behavior. I see it dangerous...

Interesting that there is so much similarity that the two relationships can be juxtaposed.

No, not the same people. It’s been 3-4 months since the breakup.

You have every right to say you cannot handle dating him while he dates others right now. That’s honest and good communication. But it’s not right to expect that the default is “no one new." It might be essential to his happiness to be “on the prowl,” or be pursuing multiple littles, just as it...

Clarification if needed- my ex was “poly open” when we dated; probably would have been fine in a well-functioning poly situation, as she enjoyed the poly bit, just not the hinge bit, but is willingly functionally monogamous now- monogamy being preferable to juggling two people’s very different...

So, after a 3 month period for feelings to settle, my request, I contacted my ex about being friends- transtioning into friendship being her request, and mutually wanted, and at one point, it was established by her that she wasn’t okay with her girlfriend saying who she was friends with, which...

Definately. And... it’s okay to ask for reassurance. In fact, it’s almost expected. (“I’m afraid if she’s prettier than me, you’ll leave me. I KNOW I’m not being rational, but it would helps to hear it from you.”) Or even just state your fear “I’m afraid what will happen if x”. Things...

Crossed posts- shared custody. Flexible as to the needs of both parties. We have separate homes but sometimes share space and time when it is convenient, including offering thenother a bed if storms/late nights/proximity to work/ability to see kids involves logistics where sleeping in the...

I’m thinking it’s a simple if/then. IF I want to continue to have Date, Apple, and Esteban as major players in my life, in any form for any reason, THEN I also have to dedicate time to cultivate string emotionally intimate relationships outside of what they can offer to balance, in order to be...

That sounds reasonable and logical. I think the only thing holding me back is tornness— it really seems good for my kids at this stage to have two parents around. It’s a configuration that works well for THEM- Esteban is usually very friendly to my dates, but not all tolerate him quite as well...

THAnks- that all helps. It sort of frees things up. And lonely- that’s a good word. (It may seem obvious to you- but again, the touch of emotional blindness makes me need to work harder to identify what is going on). I think I might need to take that a bit more seriously. A friend is coming...

I am so sorry for your loss. And so glad for the sanity of his sister and the funeral director. Huge, huge hugs from all of us here- we feel your love and your pain. He sounds like an absolutely wonderful human being. And religious bully g at a time of loss is so despicable as to be...

One of the things that is the most missed for me in mu current dating situation is the lack of a consistent “family”. I have people who join in with me. Or I with them, for various lengths of time, sometimes days at a time; sometimes very short. It makes me very, very happy to have the sort of...

Especially for those of you who are culturally or personally direct about issues... If you and a love have an issue going on, something that's really bothering you, and they want to talk about it later, how long feels reasonable? (It might be different from someone you have regular contact with...

Sometimes, asking the right questions unlocks a lot. I think the correct question for the whole balance thing may be not "is a balance possible"- but how is a balance possible? The last big non- Apple relationship I had (Date), I was so protective of privacy, that I accidentally led my...