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We are back down at dad's this week sorting out the house and unfinished business with the family member I mentioned in the OP. Some hard conversations! In many respects as a couple we are feeling even closer, it's been lovely - almost as if we are feeling this "NRE" as well. Is that usual?

I can't comment on the "etiquette" aspect, but from personal experience of a similar 'near miss' I do know that the risk is probably smaller if the person is not experiencing a flare up and given your precautions. However it may be worth seeking advice from a STI clinic, and they may be able to...

I just realised I did this without being conscious I was doing it at the time :)

My partner came home this morning and we have had a lovely day together. We are both pleased I coped pretty well and although they have another date planned in a couple of weeks, this time for 2 nights, hopefully that will continue. In the end I didn't use much of my list - what helped most was...

Unfortunately that is the case - some men just use it as an excuse to be players and are not remotely ethical or interested in the 'amory' part of Poly - we had a difficult time with such an individual when first exploring poly that was a bad experience for my partner and myself and made us step...

Ok good analogy. Although I guess it also implies that you can get used to the taste, or perhaps if it is 'prepared' a certain way (eg I don't like liver much either on its own but do like it in a pâté - I hated curry when I was younger but now love it, I think because my tastes have matured)

Polyamory is not polyfuckery? :)

Thanks, very interesting and clearly it comes more naturally to some people but not all. I wonder if there are several aspects to compersion? For example I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't want my partner to be happy, and didn't accept that this is what is good for her. I also feel ethically...

I think maybe that would be true for me actually - I've never had 'one-night stands' or any relationships primarily based on sex

You are right, that is more realistic. I was just feeling guilty.

Thanks - I slept awfully last night but managed to say goodbye this morning as positively as I could and so far have been distracting myself with a new book but evening is drawing in and I’m starting to miss my partner and feel bad. This is the first time she will be sleeping with him, or anyone...

Tomorrow is the day/night so I am exploring which strategies would work best for me based on this and my experience from my partner's last sleepover date. I have adapted Zigzag's list and changed/added a few things: 1. Keep coming back to how much I love my partner and want her happiness and...

Thankyou that’s fantastic - that sounds lovely. I have read Polysecure now - it is scary in places but also helpful.

I don't think that is really fair to her, she has no intention to see anyone else apart from this one guy who she had known as a longish distance friend for over a year and this isn't about 'banging' anyone - she wants a loving relationship (as do I). I guess it's not really possible for anyone...

That's good to hear, I would like to know more about that aspect. If I was going to be interested in polyamory for myself it would be with emphasis on the 'amour' aspect not just the 'poly' aspect.

I know but the next sleepover is coming up soon so I need to be realistic. I don't have a monogamous relationship any more, so there's no point in me trying to pretend otherwise, that decision has already been made, and even if I'm not ecstatic about it my choices are either to learn to live...

I'm coming back to this because I think I need to try and move, if I can, from being the 'reluctant partner' to being able to feel more positive about this. So I'm examining my motivations and feelings; what do I want myself? This is not an easy question to answer actually. What is easier to...

Actually it means lot, more than anything I think the moral support of people I can connect to and value is very helpful, it gives me some positive energy, which is hard to find from anywhere else. Thanks🤗

That I don't know, I guess there is an element of 'the proof of the pudding is in the eating' here. Right now I'm not sure I do, at least for myself, it seems to be a path full of uncertainties and insecurities and I am really not sure about some of the ethical claims. Maybe I will grow through...

Yes I have - I keep trying to explain that my feelings are not all things I can even articulate verbally, a lot of them are in my body and emotional centres in the brain/vagus nerve/gut - so just talking about things or being verbally reassured isn't enough, human contact and soothing touch is...