Hello Carmina,
Here's some more ideas for how to cope:
I know I'm a little late posting here, I hope it still helps.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
Tomorrow is the day/night so I am exploring which strategies would work best for me based on this and my experience from my partner's last sleepover date. I have adapted Zigzag's list and changed/added a few things:
1. Keep coming back to how much I love my partner and want her happiness and all the reasons why this is good for her - telling myself this is also the right thing to do ethically (ethics and integrity are important to me) - cuddling her pillow will help ground this
2. Keep resources close at hand for dealing with separation anxiety
3. Having plenty of good books to read - usually I find when I'm upset I can't concentrate on much so I have several scifi books on my reading list that don't require as much concentration as well as a pile of books on gardening/plants
4. I personally don't want to prioritise work on 'jealousy' right now - the overriding issue is heartbreak and loss and feelings of separation anxiety which means the primary focus is dealing with and managing those feelings and disentangling. Also I tend to see jealousy as something like love; there is more than one kind of jealousy and they are not all negative, many are instructive and I feel it is important to listen to those feelings rather than push them away or 'manage' them (just as pain tells you something is wrong in your body) - I would only see avarice (ie coveting 'thy neighbours' wife/stuff) and jealousy coming from possessiveness as more negative and destructive.
5. I have suffered from anxiety most of my life so have many tools and strategies for dealing with it including mindful breathing, urge surfing, reframing strategies, other cognitive and mindfulness techniques
6. I can listen to music to help take my mind off things
7. I have lots of tasks I can focus on - again demanding things might be affected by low concentration/motivation but things like a bike ride or some gardening would help - I have lots of activities I do potentially - painting, music creation/playing, walking, biking, gardening, cooking, even poetry - but how much I engage will depend on how I feel, if my mood is really low I struggle to do anything, even sleep
8. Reading books that help me process my feelings and responses like 'Polysecure' may also help
9. Coming here if I am really struggling - getting moral support telling me I can get through this and there is light at the end of the tunnel really helps
10. Ultimately having someone for me too, even if it's just for a cuddle or to talk things through with someone who understands all this would probably be great but that is a way off. I wish I did have someone to cuddle up with tomorrow night but it's not going to happen.
11. Focussing on how much love we will have when she returns and looking ahead to reconnecting - how reassuring that will be for someone with separation anxiety
12. As a last resort, particularly if I can't sleep, I can take a sleeping tablet