Needing support

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
I know I tend to do better when things follow a routine ...
 

Carmina

Member
I did ok again, the second night was harder though.

I have started an OK Cupid profile experimentally (well revamped an old one) but not sure it will come to anything - for one thing OKC has become ridiculously expensive since I last used it, but also I'm not sure I can cope with more than one partner.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Wow that sucks about OKCupid. More expensive? I heard it was harder to use nowadays! Maybe they'll get their act together ... a guy can always hope. Where else can one turn for poly-friendly dating? FetLife I guess.

Maybe that's all a moot point, if you're not feeling eager to have a second partner.
 

Carmina

Member
Yeah it's over £50 a month now - I think last time I was using it I was paying 15 maybe 20 at most. Plus I can't see any way to message anyone even if we both 'like' each other. Oh well, as you say it may be a moot point but on the other hand I would like to be able to test my own limits a little. I honestly don't know what my goals are though, we feel closer as a couple right now and it may be that's all I need, but sometimes you don't know what you are capable of until you try something. I didn't know if I could cope with this at all a couple of months back.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Without the ability to message someone on OKC, what possible point could there be in the site's existence. There are other poly-friendly dating sites and I can post a list here if you're interested, although they're probably not frequented as much as OKC. Although as I said, no matter how popular OKC is, what's the point if members can't message each other?

It sounds like your confidence and ability have extended somewhat in recent months; I hope you can find a way to test yourself. There is of course always getting out there and meeting people in real life (meatspace). But let me know if you want that list of alternative dating sites.
 

Carmina

Member
I guess the point is they just want people to pay now and the free tier seems to have been stripped of any utility, it's just there as a sort of honey trap. It's weird though because their help still says if you mutually like each other it should open up messaging but this isn't happening, maybe there are bugs?
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Does OKC have tech support? and if it does, is it any good? and does any of that matter, given the state of the site overall?
 

Ariakas

Bosun
Wow sucks about OKC. It was my go-to back in the day (and it was free) Especially since I tended to find interest in less poly community types.

Definitely not ready yet but curious what's out there.
 

HaloOnFire

Active member
I guess the point is they just want people to pay now and the free tier seems to have been stripped of any utility, it's just there as a sort of honey trap. It's weird though because their help still says if you mutually like each other it should open up messaging but this isn't happening, maybe there are bugs?


Mind you, I am currently in the throes of a wicked bad sinus infection, however, my inner cynic is saying that you were correct in that it's now just a honey trap. I don't think that is a bug, so much as a feature now. Pay the 50 quid for the upgrade or you get big fat donut hole of a zero. ;)
 

Carmina

Member
I've ditched my OKC account and am not actively seeking another relationship for myself. I realised I don't have the energy or inclination right now and have become accustomed, even if not entirely comfortable still, with my partner spending time away every now and then with her other partner. If anything this has brought us closer together anyway so my worries about it driving a wedge between us or (admittedly irrational) fears of being replaced, have not come to pass. I just don't think poly is for me really, I like the idea of deep commitment and have always hated dating so don't want to go back to that.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
That makes sense; I think you made the right decision.
 

Carmina

Member
I realised I was mainly just feeling I needed to keep up somehow but despite the fact that I was getting lots of OKC likes it all just felt meaningless, like what’s the point of looking elsewhere when I have the person I love and want to spend my life with here already?
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Heh ... that's similar to why I gave up on OKC (many years ago).
 

GalaGirl

Well-known member
You know what? That's totally fine. Having the option to poly date but then choosing not to exercise it because you are doing just fine as it is.

You don't have to try to "keep up" with whatever your partner does or is doing. It isn't a race. It's not a competition.

You can just do YOU. :)

GG
 
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